Chapter 76

Shirley

I want to say that I’m happy I’m gone - that I’m relieved. But I can’t.

I don’t know what to feel. I know I’m the one who decided to leave without saying a word to Keith…or anyone really. However, that hasn’t left me rejoicing in my seat as I sit on the plane - heading to my next destination.

Keith doesn’t know where I’ve gone - no one does, really. I’d sent Jean a message right before I’d disconnected my phone, letting her know I needed to get away. Only, not even she knows where “away” is.

Sitting on this plane, I’ve already watched miles fly by as we coast through the air. I watched the sun go down, leaving my eyes to only scan flickering lights of the cities below. And now the plane’s cabin is quiet as most passengers have fallen asleep.

But I’m awake - I don’t know how I’ll ever sleep again with all the thoughts going through my head or the heaviness in my heart. The ache in my chest is horrible and I wish I could just make it go away. But it only becomes worse each time I acknowledge how mixed up I am inside.

I chose to leave - I left. And though I know it was impulsive, I don’t fully regret it.

But I miss Keith. That’s hard to ignore. Between my own remorse and Cicy’s depressed slumber, I can’t ignore the effect his absence has on me.

I know part of that can be blamed on the fact that we’re mates. Only, it somehow goes beyond that. I think I’d miss Keith even if I hadn’t discovered the mating bond.

And if it weren’t for the mating bond…I keep wondering if I would have stayed. Almost as if I would have been willing to be with Keith if we weren’t mated.

I do want to be with Keith. That thought hurts more than anything else, but I can’t ignore it. However, I also can’t let myself accept it - accept him.

Not with the mating bond. Despite everything that has happened between us, I still fear the relationship between mates. I don’t want to lose my independence or self-control.

I’ve seen it too many times now - how a woman succumbs to her mate and bends at their will. I don’t want to be a slave to the bond like so many others. What if someday…Keith and I were just like my parents? What if we stayed in a loveless marriage and eventually end up resenting each other?

That’s what I really can’t stomach…I’d rather disappear from Keith’s completely instead of taking a path where we hate one other. Then again…maybe he hates me already because I left.

But I want my independence, self-control. It’s all I’ve ever had and I can’t lose it. Being able to take care of myself is what has kept me sane my entire life. I want to hold onto that part of me as tightly as I can.

Which has led me here - flying overseas on a plane as I head to a place I’ve never been. I decided that going home was not enough, so instead I quit the agency completely. Not only because I know it will help me avoid Keith, but because I’m following a lifelong dream.

I’m heading to my new school to officially pursue and obtain my MBA. I should have chased after this dream sooner, but somehow life kept getting in the way. And with all things considered…there’s no time like the present.

This way, Keith won’t be able to find me.

~

It has been a week since I arrived at my new school and joined the program. I’m thankful that my resume and experiences were able to get through the door and now I’m enjoying my classes and the brilliance of the school overall.

The school itself is beautiful inside and out, filled with students and staff who are clearly passionate about their focus. It makes it easy to settle in and stay motivated. Only, I can’t deny I’ve had a few struggles since I’ve arrived.

Even despite the distance, Keith still manages to slither into my thoughts whenever the moment strikes. It doesn’t matter if I’m in the middle of a lesson, eating lunch, or laying in bed at night - I somehow end up thinking of him.

But I’ve been trying my best to ignore those golden eyes that enter my mind, or even forget them completely. Getting my MBA is what matters now and I need to remember that.

“Okay, class,” my professor announces then, bringing me back to reality. “That’s it for today. I’ll see you next week. Don’t forget to check the board in the hall and sign up to attend the presentations for your preferred visitor.”

Oh, that’s right, I think as I pack up. Next week we’re supposed to have a handful of guests coming to visit the campus and give speeches - each regarding their area of expertise. I meant to look over the guests and sign up earlier, but it had slipped my mind.

Leaving the classroom, I split off from the rest of the students in order to go look at the board. I’m surprised to find so many pages posted with sign up slots, but I take my time reading each name and description to see who I’m interested in.

Quickly, I decide to sign up for one presentation regarding women in the business world, but it’s difficult to choose from the others. They all have their own benefits. It leaves me slowly scanning each sheet as I weigh the pros and cons.

I make my way further down the line, swapping out my top favorites as I go. However, as I reach the third to last sheet, I freeze completely, doing a double take of the name listed.

“No,” I breathe.

No. There’s no way. That can’t be the same person.

My eyes sweep down to the description, my heart beating rapidly in my chest as specific words or phrases stick out.

Alpha. Leads many businesses. Company recently went live. Lock Heart.

Keith. Keith is one of the visiting presenters.

How is this possible?

I read his name again, my stomach twisting. However, my shock is also muddy as my head begins playing tricks on me. Because standing there, reading Keith’s name…I can swear that I suddenly scent him.

His familiar smell fills my nose, makes my pounding heart squeeze in my chest. Goddess, I fear it could even bring tears to my eyes.

And his scent is so strong.

Cicy, I whisper. Are you doing this?

No, she murmurs back. That is beyond my capability.

Then how can his scent be so potent? I swear it could knock me off my feet. It’s almost like Keith is here, standing right-

I freeze, a swallow stuck in my throat. Before I know it, I’m slowly turning - inch by inch - until my eyes land on who has appeared behind me.

And his golden gaze is locked right on me.

“How?” the word falls from my mouth like a breath of disbelief.

How? How did he find me?

“Our wolves,” Keith says then, his voice like a song as the deep drag meets my ears. I want to drop to the floor in a puddle, but I keep myself upright as he continues.

“They stayed connected even after you left,” he tells me, never looking away. “They’ve been in contact…led me to you.”

Cicy, I whisper again, but she does not respond. She’s silent, watching the scene play out.

But I'm at a loss, still shocked that he’s here and unable to form proper words. He’s here. Despite how I left and the ties I cut - he still found me.

He wanted to find me - he doesn’t hate me.

A tenderness meets me then as I stare at Keith, my gaze softening. I can feel tethers wrapping around my wrists, encouraging me to go toward him, but again I stand my ground. However, it’s clear that with each passing second that I’m wavering.

I’d been so determined to push him away, and yet Keith still found a way to stop me. I’m touched, impressed with his pursuit to find me. But now that he’s here…what does it all mean?

Does he want to yell at me? Lecture me over leaving? As always, I can’t read anything on him - not even our mating bond gives anything away as he remains stoic.

So I take a breath, and I raise the same question I asked weeks ago.

“What do you want from me?”

But this time, Keith doesn’t grow weary, he doesn’t hesitate, and he doesn’t throw my question right back at me.

“You,” he states. “I don’t want anything from you. I just want you.”