Chapter 232

Cara’s POV

“It’s alright,” she said. As I tried to sit up, she placed her hands on my shoulders, easing me back down onto the bed. “He’s okay.”

“We were in the woods. He was poisoned. It was raining, and –” I was speaking quickly, barely able to catch my breath.

“We know,” she said in a level voice, clearly trying to soothe me. “Alaric was feeling a bit better. He carried you out of the woods himself and brought you here.”

“He… did?”

“Yes. He’s in a different room now, being checked out. We want to make sure the poison didn’t have any lingering effects. But he’s alright. Please, be calm.”

I trusted Ruby. She wouldn’t lie to me. If Alaric was here, if he was being looked at by the healers, and if Ruby said he was okay, then all of those things must have been true.

I tried to stay calm. Closing my eyes, I listened to my own heart beep on the monitor and forced it to slow as best I could.

When I lowered my heartrate to a normal pace, I opened my eyes again. Ruby was looking at me, and now that I was not as panicked, I could tell there was some concern in her eyes. That seemed strange. She said Alaric was okay, so why was she worried.

“What is it?” I asked her. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I usually have a better poker face.”

“You are my best friend,” I told her. “If you are worried, I’m worried. But I suspect this time, you are worried about me, right? Just tell me.”

Ruby lowered her head a moment and swallowed hard. When she lifted it again, she asked me, “Can you feel your wolf right now?”

Focusing, I tried to stretch out, searching for Lucy. But I didn’t feel her anywhere inside of me. Not even asleep. “No,” I said, confused. “She’d come back to me when I needed her help to protect Alaric. I was even able to shift. Ruby, it was so amazing. I had my wolf back! I had the strength and the senses…”

Ruby smiled at my excitement, but it seemed kind of sad. Pitiful. The sight of it immediately smothered all of my good feelings.

“Did something happen?” I asked.

“Lucy pushed herself to reappear when you most needed her,” Ruby said, “but in doing so, she further diminished herself. She might have even exhausted herself totally.”

“Totally…?” Did that mean…? She was gone for good?

“We don’t know, but it seems likely,” Ruby said. “We cannot detect her presence inside of you, and if you can’t either…”

I licked my lips which seemed suddenly dry. “What does this mean for my condition?”

“It’s sped along,” Ruby said. “And it will continue to speed forward without Lucy’s help to contain it.”

I nodded, as dread started coiling up inside of myself. “How much time do I have?”

“Less,” Ruby said. “But we don’t know for sure. You’ve already beaten all of the timelines we thought we understood about the condition. If you keep fighting it as strongly as you have…”

“I won’t let it win,” I said.

“I know that,” Ruby said. “But without Lucy…”

“What if she’s not gone for good?” I asked. “What if she comes back again?”

“Of course that will help…”

“Then I need to see Alaric,” I said.

“But Cara…”

“Right now, Ruby. By his side is when Lucy is strongest. We shouldn’t be separated.” Immediately, I started to stand up again. Ruby didn’t stop me this time, even as she gave me an exasperated look. Instead, she helped me untangle the cords on me and turn of the heart monitor.

“I’m not unhooking the IV,” she said. “You need nutrients. If you are going, you have to take this without you.”

“Okay,” I said, and grabbed the thin metal pole the IV was hanging from. It was on wheels so it wasn’t difficult to bring it with me. “Can you show me the way?”

She looked like she didn’t want to. She probably wanted me to get right back into the bed I’d crawled out of. I hated to disappoint her, but I would. I wasn’t getting back into that bed for any reason. Not without Alaric at my side.

“If you don’t help, I’ll just start searching on my own,” I threatened. At that rate, I could collapse in the hallway somewhere and be even worse off.

With a sigh, she said, “I know. Just come with me.”

She led me out the door and then down the hall. Alaric was only two doors down, resting in his own room, in his own bed. He looked at us as we entered. When he saw me, he struggled to sit up.

“Don’t,” I said. “I’m coming to you. Just stay there.”

He grunted at himself as he slumped back on his bed. As I hobbled closer, dragging my IV behind me, I could only imagine the sight the pair of us made.

“I hate how weak I am,” he growled at himself.

“No weaker than me,” I told him, somewhat sadly.

Immediately, the agitation on his face softened as he turned to look at me again. “Cara…”

“It’s alright,” I said. It wasn’t, not really. But I wasn’t mad at him about it, and the last thing I wanted was for him to fall back into his guilt and his grief, holding himself accountable for everything that ever happened to me and thinking he had to punish himself for it.

I just wanted him to hold me right now. To be here for me and to help me. I couldn’t stand it if he bottled himself up again and pulled away from me.

“I’ll give you two some space,” Ruby said. “Hit the call button if you need us.”

“Thank you, Ruby,” I told her.

“Thank you,” Alaric said too.

As I neared his bedside, he scooched over to make room for me. As he lifted his arms, I couldn’t resist crawling into bed with him and sliding into the open space against him. As soon as I did, he closed his arms around me, weakly pulling me too him, careful not to tangle either of our IVs.

“I hated when I couldn’t move,” he said. “When I saw them turning on you, and I couldn’t protect you. If I’d been able to stop them, then you wouldn’t have needed to exert yourself so much. And maybe…”

“It’s not your fault,” I told him. “Lucy and I made our choices.” I snuggled closer to him, burying my face in his chest. I didn’t want to admit how scared I was now. I wanted to continue to fight, but things seemed much worse than they had in the past. I even felt worse inside, more hollow than I ever had before.

For the first time since the original diagnosis, I began to be afraid that I might actually succumb to the illness.

I must have been trembling. Alaric held me closer.

“Where is the brave woman I know?” he asked softly. “The one who is afraid of nothing, not even her own end?”

“I don’t want to leave you and the kids behind,” I whispered. “But right now, I’m worried… What if I have to?”

“It isn’t like you to talk like this.”

“I’ve never felt like this before.”

Alaric leaned back to look down at me. “You won’t lose this fight, Cara.”

He said the words with such ferocity, his eyes filled with such focus and love – such confidence – that it stole my breath away.

When he was this sure, how could I doubt?

“I’m in this fight with you,” he said. “And I won’t ever let you give up.”