Chapter 198

Cara’s POV

Even though Alaric had ultimately agreed with my proposal to live together, his initial hesitation there had given me some pause. I had thought he’d be happy by the prospect of us cohabitating once more. Instead, he seemed reserved about the whole thing.

I couldn’t imagine why he would feel that way – unless he thought I was going to be a burden to him.

Thinking that gave me even more determination to prove myself capable both in the princess games and outside of them. But that still left the matter of shifting.

Alaric returned to DuskWood for a day to gather his things and prepare his pack for a lengthier time with him away. While he was gone, and while the kids were at school, I more further dedicated myself to trying to shift on my own.

Ruby insisted on being present for me, just in case, and though she promised to be quiet, I could still sense her nearby, watching and waiting. When nothing happened after this attempt, I could feel her disappointment as well as my own.

I wanted to throw something with how frustrated I was, but I stopped myself, knowing the damage wouldn’t make Lucy show up any faster. It would just trash my home.

“You are making progress,” Ruby said as she came closer to me.

“Am I?” I asked incredulously. “I feel like I’m getting nowhere, and I have to get somewhere fast. The competition is coming up. If I can’t shift…”

“They won’t kick you out,” Ruby said. “It’s clear in the rules that you don’t have to shift to be able to compete.”

“I’ll be at a disadvantage.”

“Something you can make up for in the less physical events.”

“I’ll be a laughing stock during the opening ceremony,” I said. “Everyone already thinks I’m some kind of diva who just refuses to shift. But it’s better that way, isn’t it? What will they think when they learn the truth?”

“You never cared what anyone thought before,” Ruby said. “Why start now?”

She was right. In the past, I wouldn’t have cared what others thought about me, even in regards to my not being able to shift. But I’d become more sensitive about things since my diagnosis. I felt like I was hyperaware all the time about what people thought of me. I was always ready to believe that they were looking down on me.

Before, I knew I was competent. People had looked down on me then, not even wanting me to be Beta, but I knew my work would speak for itself. Now, I was worried the naysayers were right.

I was scared I wasn’t able to actually compete, and that I was just kidding myself by even trying.

“I’m going to try again,” I said.

Ruby nodded, and stepped away.

Closing my eyes, I reached out to my wolf. “Lucy,” I called in my mind. “I know you are there. I can feel you. Please… come back to me…”

As before, when Noel and I rejected each other, I felt her stir and my heart raced with hope. But also like before, as quickly as I felt her growing closeness, I felt her retreat. She was gone again.

I cursed as I opened my eyes.

“She still out of reach,” I said. “Sometimes, she’s so close. I can feel her. I reach out and then… she’s gone.”

I was beyond frustrated, I was lonely and scared. I missed my constant companion as much as I needed her.

“She could be trying to reach out,” Ruby said. “But she’s not strong enough yet. That she’s trying means we are on the right track.”

I wasn’t so sure. Yes, things felt closer than they ever had in the past, but I’d already been without Lucy for so long. Trying to imagine her returning to me now felt impossible.

Ruby placed her hand on my shoulder. “It’s not like you to give up.”

Looking her, I admitted honestly, “I haven’t felt like myself much at all lately.”

“We should find a way to change that,” Ruby said.

“How?”

Ruby considered it a moment. “Maybe… stop putting so much pressure on yourself. If you just relax and focus on yourself, Lucy might come back naturally.”

“How should I do that?”

“Alaric is moving back, isn’t he?” Ruby asked, raising a brow.

“Yeah…”

“Focus on him. On your relationship. Rebuilding what you had,” Ruby said. “Don’t worry about Lucy so much, but listen when she calls you. Be ready, Cara. I genuinely think change is on your horizon.”

Alaric’s POV

As I sat in my office at the DuskWood capital wrapping up a few projects that needed my presence and signature for, John watched me from the other side of the desk.

“Forgive my impertinence, Alpha,” he said. “But your attitude confuses me…”

“You can speak your mind, John,” I said. “You know that.”

“Give your strong feelings for Cara Auburn, I don’t understand why you would seem so unhappy to be moving in with her.”

“It’s not that I’m unhappy,” I said. I didn’t know how to properly explain myself. “I’m thrilled to have the change to be by her side again…”

“But…?” John prompted.

“But I’ve hurt her in the past so much,” I said. “I am partially responsible for all that is happening to her now.”

John didn’t know the full extent of Cara’s condition, though he knew she was dealing with something medical. I hadn’t shared too many details, other than insisting my presence was needed at her side.

John, as my Beta, was naturally loyal to me and would go along with most things I said. That I knew he liked Cara and supported us as a couple made it easier to talk to him.

But still, Cara’s condition wasn’t my secret to tell.

Yet, even without knowing all the details, John looked at me with skepticism. “Forgive me, Alpha. But has Cara accused you of these things?”

“No,” I said, “But she doesn’t have to.”

“Well, Alpha… If she hasn’t accused you… If she isn’t blaming you, why are you blaming yourself?”

The question is so simple, and so apt, that it took me by surprise.

Cara didn’t blame me. She didn’t hold it against me. So why should I blame myself?

The guilt was persistent though, weighing down on me. It was difficult to ignore, even as I tried to convince myself not to.

“You should be more excited, Alpha,” John said. “This is your chance to finally reunite with the woman you love. This is your chance to prove your love for real and win her back once and for all.”

He was right. I couldn’t mope about the past. I had to push away this guilt so that I could be for Cara in the future.

This was the perfect opportunity to prove my love to Cara, especially if things went bad…

No, I couldn’t think like that. My closeness might help, it might not, but either way, Cara was going go find her wolf again. She was going to heal and live a long and healthy life with her kids.

And I was going to be there beside her to see it all.