Chapter 182

Cara’s POV

I didn’t mean the words as harshly as I said them. It had been a combination of frustrations that had built up to this moment.

I hated that this was happening to me. I felt incompetent that I could reach my wolf and guide her back. I also hated how tired I was, how the weakness seemed to creep up on me when I least expected or wanted it.

Another thing that had been upsetting me was how everyone treated me like I was so fragile that I would crumple at any minute. It was as if they had forgotten the strong person I had always been and were now only seeing me for the illness. I was still the same person underneath!

I just wanted to be treated the same as I always had. Yet my brothers and Noel were acting as if I already had one foot in the grave. I was a fighter. I wasn’t going to give up. I needed them to believe in me and my ability.

Just as I needed Alaric to.

That he was so quickly and easily falling into the same habit as my brothers to treat me as if I was made of glass irked me more than it probably should have.

Maybe if I hadn’t already been upset by all the other things, I wouldn’t have reacted so coldly. I should have had more understanding and compassion. Alaric was only learning about my diagnosis for the first time while I had been dealing with it for a while now. He’d need time to get his thoughts in order.

Time I wasn’t giving him.

“This doesn’t change anything for us,” he said. “I still intend to pursue you. I still love you. But right now, I don’t know if I can treat you normally. Nothing about this is normal Cara, and I want to protect you.”

“I don’t always need protecting, Alaric,” I said. “Can’t you go against your instincts for just a minute to treat me like a person?”

“You are a person. Someone I care about very dearly. And it’s precisely because of that, that I want to make sure you are okay,” Alaric said. “I can’t just pretend that everything’s fine. What if we are out and something happens?”

“The worst that could happen is that I would need to sit down for a minute,” I said.

He didn’t seem convinced, and that on top of everything else just upset me further.

“I think you should go home, Alaric,” I told him.

He startled. “What?”

“I’m sorry to have made you come here, but… for now. I think I need some distance.”

“Cara, you can’t mean –”

“I’m sorry,” I said again.

“But your illness. What if –”

“I can deal with it, as I have been doing,” I said. “You, my brothers, and Noel all seem to think that I’ve become incapable, but I’m telling you I haven’t. But you won’t listen, so it seems as if I must prove it instead.”

“Cara, you don’t have to do any of this alone,” Alaric said, some pleading in his voice.

“I think I do,” I replied. “I’m sorry, Alaric. But please leave. Go back to DuskWood.”

“Forget Duskwood,” he said. “Forget my Alpha duties. I’m needed here, with you.”

Here and why was another reason that he couldn’t possibly stay here. Just as I had feared, just as I had tried to avoid by making him promise, Alaric wanted to give up everything else to stay here and fight with me.

As happy as that made me, and as much as I liked and wanted having Alaric around, this was just one more reason that he had to leave. DuskWood needed him, not just because he was their Alpha, but because he was a good one. Without him, things were certain to fall apart.

He didn’t want to admit it, but he’d already neglected them in his efforts to protect me and the kids.

Now was my turn to protect him and his future.

And that meant sending him home.

“Go home, Alaric,” I said. To be kind, I needed to be cruel, even if the words cut me as much. “Go home. I don’t need you here.”

That wasn’t true. I did need him. Being near him helped me. Even now, with the pain of this discussion, I still felt stronger somehow.

But for his sake, he needed to go, and that meant that I had to push him away.

I wanted to apologize. I wanted to take back every cruel word that I said as soon as they left my mouth. But for both our sakes, I stayed quiet.

I only watched as Alaric pushed himself up, standing. He was shaken, but putting on a strong front. Still, I could see the way his perfect mask fractured, showing the hint of worry underneath.

“If you are certain,” he said.

“I’m sorry, but I am,” I told him.

He nodded. “I’m sorry too.” He walked toward the door, opened it, yet paused in the doorway, his hand on the knob. “Goodbye, Cara.”

The word sliced through me. “Goodbye, Alaric,” I said, and unable to stop myself added, “For now.”

He stilled again. This time, some of the tension eased ever-so-slightly from his shoulders. “For now,” he agreed, and walked out.

Alaric’s POV

I felt numb on my way back to the elevator. My heart was hammering fast but everything else felt pushed down on and restrained.

My fear, my anger, my worry, my guilt – all were mixing together inside of me. It was too much to handle at once. To protect myself, I had to pull back from the emotions. I felt like a coward, unable to face them.

Cara must have thought the same about me, to send me away like this.

She said she didn’t need me. Maybe that was true. Maybe it was her that I needed. But, given her condition, how unfair was it for me to force that need onto her? She wanted to me alone. To honor her and my feelings for her, I had to respect that.

Near the elevator, I found Eamon alone now. Landon was gone.

He seemed surprised to see me alone. “Cara with you?”

“She’s staying,” I said. “I’m leaving.”

Eamon’s face went carefully blank. “Oh.”

“She asked me to go, so I am going,” I said. “But I want in the loop. If anything happens, if anything progresses, make me one of your first calls.”

“She told you,” Eamon said, understanding crossing his face.

“She did. Can you do this for me? Can you keep me informed?”

Eamon and I weren’t exactly friends, but we’d never been enemies. As Alphas, we’d always had to be civil with each other. Right now was no exception, as he looked at me with pity in his face.

“I will,” he said.

Cara’s POV

Despite what Alaric and my brothers thought of me now, I wasn’t going to give up without a fight. Richard, Grayson, and Ruby also followed us up from DuskWood pack, taking residency at a nearby BloodyMoon hospital instead.

As I had every day since arriving back in BloodyMoon, I went to see them for an update.

“I want a plan,” I said to them. “No matter what it is. I will try anything and everything. I’m not giving up.”