Chapter 176

Cara’s POV

I couldn’t stand looking at Alaric anymore, with the hurt in his eyes, so I excused myself and went back upstairs to spend more time with the kids. After all, I’d told Alaric what I needed to say – that I was planning on returning to the BloodyMoon pack. To talk any longer might give him chance to talk me out of it. I couldn’t let myself be swayed in this.

Mia had sneaked into Ethan’s room and both were playing with their action figures on the carpet. When they saw me come in, they paused, as if waiting for me to scold them. Instead, I joined them by sitting down on the carpet with them.

They sent secret looks to each other as I sat there, lacking in subtlety. It became obvious to me that the pair had eavesdropped again. Rather than wait for them to bring it up, I decided to take initiative.

“We aren’t in danger anymore,” I said. “We could live wherever we want. We could go back to BloodyMoon, back to our house.” When they continued not to say anything, I chanced a guess. “Do you want to stay here?”

“I miss home,” Mia said.

“Me, too,” Ethan replied. They looked at each other again.

I kept feeling like I was missing out on something here.

“You can tell me anything,” I said. “If you have any reasons for not wanting to go, or for wanting to, you can tell me.”

“You already made up your mind to go,” Ethan said. He didn’t seem overly upset about it, speaking as if he was merely stating facts.

“This is a discussion,” I said, frowning slightly. “Do you both want to stay?” They’d already said they missed home, so it seemed strange for them to want to backtrack now.

“What about Dad?” Mia asked.

“Is he coming with us?” Ethan asked.

Both of them had a bit of hope in their eyes as they looked at me. I hated so much to disappoint them, but Alaric had to make his own choices, just as we needed to make ours.

I’d hoped he’d offer to come back with us, but I also understood what he said. He wasn’t wrong. If he continued to spend so much time in BloodyMoon, his own pack would start to feel neglected. They already did, if the success of Miranda’s press conference was anything to go by.

While Mia had been in the hospital, my worry for her had consumed most of my thoughts, but I wasn’t blind to everything else that was happening around me. The news was still there in the newspapers or on the televisions of the waiting rooms.

Alaric had exiled Miranda and her brother, but that decision had not been particularly popular. If Alaric wasn’t careful right now, he could start having to deal with challengers against him for the title of Alpha of DuskWood pack.

For this reason, and for plenty others, I wished we could stay longer. At least until we could figure out some type of regular visitation schedule. Something that wouldn’t strain Alaric so much.

But with my health issues, there really wasn’t any time to waste. Eamon and Landon were searching for answers to help me bring back my wolf, but I wanted to be there to help them. To practice what they learn immediately.

I was also tired of putting off my own duties. I was still BloodyMoon Beta. I needed to return to that, to prove to myself that I was still capable. I wasn’t going to be confined to a bed or to a home.

Not yet.

Hopefully not ever.

“Alaric is going to have to stay here for now,” I told them.

Immediately both of their faces fell.

“Can’t he come with us?” Mia asked. “I want to go home, but I’ll miss him.”

Ethan didn’t verbally agree, but it was obvious in the way he held himself, visibly deflating at the news.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t think he’ll be able to come with us right now, though I’m sure he wants to continue to spend time with all of us.”

I spent more time with the kids, right up until bedtime when I tucked them in. Then I discovered that Noel was still here, sitting in the backyard with Colin and Ryan. As I came out to join them, Ryan was just turning in for the night.

I sat down with Colin and Noel on the patio furniture. Noel kept looking at me.

“Who told you?” I asked him.

“Aidan,” Colin said for him.

I nodded.

“Are you angry?” Noel asked.

“No,” I said. Honestly, I thought Noel might have been on his way to disappearing out of my life forever. I was happy to have a friend around during this process, though admittedly, I was worried he would turn into one more pair of pitying eyes. “I’m happy to have another friend.”

“Good,” Noel said smiling. If my remark implying platonic feelings only affected him at all, he didn’t say so. He looked past me toward the doorway. “Alaric is watching.”

“I’ll intercept,” Colin said, standing.

Some guilt filled me. I should be the one to talk to him, but I still hadn’t figured out what I want to say. Or how I should say it. If he knew what was happening with me, he would move heaven and earth to be by my side, I knew that. But I didn’t know if I was ready for that.

Or for him to risk his own pack for me.

“You haven’t told Alaric,” Noel said.

“No.”

“Will you ever?”

“Eventually.”

“What are you waiting for?”

It wasn’t fair for Noel, a man who I knew had feelings for me, to have to deal with the troubles of my relationship with Alaric, so I shook my head.

“It’s complicated.”

Noel nodded, seemingly not taking it personally. He was like that, very chill and easy to get along with. I knew I would come to depend on that relaxed attitude in the months to come. If I want to be friends with him, I couldn’t shut him out totally, even if I didn’t want to hurt him.

I searched for a topic that was a little safer but no less personal.

“The kids are worried about leaving him behind.”

“You don’t think he’ll follow you guys?” Noel asked.

“He shouldn’t,” I said. “He said he has reasons not to.”

Noel smiled a bit sadly as he said, “He will. Trust me.”

“How can you know?” I asked.

“Because the man is in love with you, Cara. And as a man who is also in love with you, I think I understand him better than anyone,” Noel said. “I would follow you, too.”

More guilt rose up inside of me, as well as regret. “Noel, I’m sorry…”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Noel said. “I’m right where I want to be. I expect nothing and want only to be here for you, alright?”

Gods, I didn’t deserve him, as a friend or otherwise. But I was so glad to have him.

“Thank you, Noel.”

“No thanks are needed either,” he said, smiling wider. “Or we’ll be stuck in a loop of polite platitudes with each other.”

His smile made me smile too, taking some of the heavy weight off of my chest for a brief moment. It didn’t last. I had too much weighing me down. But that one small moment had me incredibly grateful.

I wouldn’t thank him again, at least not verbally. Internally, I was so very thankful for Noel’s presence in my life. Even if I wasn’t in a position to love him back like he deserved.