Chapter 90

Fiona

Turning over, I huff in annoyance and look at the clock. Two hours, and I still can’t fall asleep. I was hoping that the exhaustion I felt would send me off into a peaceful sleep, but I should’ve known better.

Nothing is ever that easy.

Two hours of constant tossing as my brain runs with the memory of Ethan’s phone call, of the words that were screamed and yelled at Ethan. The insults that were directed at me just for being human were absurd, but I can’t say they weren’t wrong.

I can’t change into a wolf or fight like a Lycan can.

Two hours of regret for not walking away immediately when I’d heard he was on a personal call. I shouldn’t have invaded Ethan’s privacy like that. He’s done what he can to let me have my privacy and time to cope, so I should’ve given him the same courtesy.

Two hours of wanting to get up to go to him. Would he tell me about the call if I asked him about it?

Probably not.

He has no obligation to me other than taking care of me because we have the contract relationship and because I have no one else. If the contract wasn’t in place, would he have gone through so much trouble?

Again, probably not.

The only reason I’m here is because of our agreement. Isn’t it?

I turn over again, tugging the covers up and tucking them under my chin.

The past three days have been nothing but calm bliss. Spending time together and getting to know each other has been nice, but my mind wars with itself. Ethan wouldn’t have told me everything he has about his personal life and his Lycan world if he didn’t have some sort of feelings for me.

Or he knew he couldn’t hide it any longer, so he had to tell you, so you didn’t go to the police, my mind tells me.

Does he agree with those men on the phone?

No. He told them he wouldn’t marry Angela. He’d defended me against them, but how long will that last?

He said the Moon Goddess gives them the choice to reject a mate. Now, Ethan has a stronger, better match that his people agree he should marry. Angela is someone who can give him more than I can, and I cringe at the thought.

The first thing I learned about Ethan is that he will do what he can for the greatest gain, whether it be for his company or his personal life. That is the reason we signed the contract relationship, but now, even though Ethan was defending me, I can’t help but think about the way the other men were dead set against me.

But I also think about it from their point of view. Lycans are so much stronger than humans and, from what I have seen, violent too. I’d rather not have someone so dangerous against me. Besides, Ethan hasn’t made any point to move our relationship past the physical with slight emotional level that we’ve grown to in the past week.

If everyone in Ethan’s pack thinks the same way, they’ll never accept me. Will Ethan’s mind change too? It’s not like he’s told me he loves me. He’s never told me he wants to be with me forever.

While telling me about mates, Ethan did say I was his, but he never gave a real answer about how he wanted to be with me. He hasn’t brought up the fact that we’re still bound by a contract. If he wanted me to be his mate in the way that really counts, he would have said something.

Or would he?

I groan again and turn onto my back, staring at the ceiling. Am I just running myself in circles?

Is this all in my head?

We may have been through life and death together, which has brought us closer together, but he hasn’t asked me to be his. I think back to what we’ve done since he told me I’m his mate. He’s waited, been patient with me learning about his culture, showed me his wolf, saved my life, and told me I could have everything.

He wants this relationship.

I thought I wanted this relationship, but if it’s destined to fail from the beginning, I don’t think I can go through that again. Honestly, it would be better to be alone than to put myself in a situation where I know my heart will be broken.

Does Ethan already see us as mates and just expects me to accept that?

I pause.

No, Ethan told me he would give me time, which hints that he does want to be with me. So, of course, I thought that’s where we were headed, but now he has other options. Or maybe he doesn’t have options.

He has orders, and I’m not sure if he’s able to reject those orders.

Ethan is their Alpha, but those men are older than him and in a position that could easily persuade him into changing his mind.

I can’t deny that I love the idea of having a soulmate. Knowing for certain that someone is yours and yours alone is comforting… until an outside force bashes against that fantasy like Ethan’s father and pack are doing.

Will they force him into a marriage he doesn’t want?

Is that something they can do?

Would that mean our bond would be cut off, severed forever?

I don’t know enough about their culture, and I mentally curse. I should’ve asked more questions because now I have so many and no way to get answers. Admitting that I overheard their conversation would be embarrassing, but I weigh the possibility of embarrassment against the possibility of answers.

Glancing at my bedroom door, I feel the itch, the desire to get up and go to Ethan, but I shove it down.

My stomach churns and flips, sending a nauseous wave through me. Tired but unable to sleep, I climb out of the bed and shuffle to the bathroom.

The warm water of the shower beats back my nausea but not my reeling thoughts. I don’t know what else to do. Spending time with Ethan has been the highlight of my days lately, and there’s a possibility now that our time together is about to be taken away.

My chest squeezes at the thought of losing Ethan so soon after I’ve gotten him. If I lose him to someone like Angela after everything we’ve gone through, it’ll tear my heart to pieces- what’s left of it anyway- but if I can distance myself from Ethan until I know what’s going on, I can lessen the hurt.

Sighing, I close my eyes and rest my forehead against the cool tile in the shower.