Chapter 81

Fiona

The silence is too much, so I turn the tv on and let a random movie fill the background. Then, I slowly slide down to the floor, settling on my bottom while watching the wolf. He watches me with a tilt of his head, studying me like a predator.

Though, it doesn’t feel dangerous. Not like a predator hunting prey. It’s more curious than anything, so I let myself relax back against the side of the bed.

“So, what now?” I ask, unsure of what we’re supposed to do. Ethan doesn’t seem like he’ll change back, but then he starts moving, and my heart skips a beat. Was that all the time I get with the wolf?

I pause. Do I want more time with him?

I’d been so scared of him that I didn’t think about any other emotion. Now that I’ve moved past my fear, I can feel the kindling of interest and curiosity bubbling within me. How does no one know about Lycans?

It’s not like you can easily miss someone who can turn into a whole wolf, but I guess if there’s not a lot of them here in the East, then it would be more difficult. And how many people are like me and have never been to the West?

Probably the majority.

The wolf slowly lowers himself to lay down and put his head in my lap. Like earlier, I rest my hand on the top of his head, carefully and gently running my fingers through his fur. It’s the softest thing I’ve ever touched, and I can’t help but want to cuddle up with him. Part of me becomes soft and warm at the thought, but another part of me hesitates.

He’s still an animal even if he’s an animal that doesn’t seem to want to hurt me.

“You know, this is strange,” I tell him, looking down. “I don’t really know what to think, but you’re so calm. I know you said you’re in control, but how is this possible?”

He only huffs a soft bark in response, and I laugh.

“I know you can’t answer, and I don’t want you to change back yet. I… I want to get used to this. Your wolf seems sweet,” I tell him. In response, he nuzzles into my hand, licking it. He licks again, making me giggle at the ticklish feeling.

It’s not so bad, having a wolf as a… a friend?

Whatever he is, it’s interesting.

“Is it you in charge or your wolf? Also, how does that work because I have a hard enough time with just my own personality in my head, but to have two? Wow.” I mutter when he nuzzles my stomach again. “I don’t understand how you can have two beings in one body. It’s confusing and weird and… I mean not weird, but it’s unusual and… well I don’t know. I’d like to know more about how it works if you’re willing to tell me.”

A low rumble sounds from the wolf and when he starts to sit up, I lift my arms off his body and straighten up.

“What are you…”

My words trail off as he begins to shift, his body bowing and rearranging with those awful cracking sounds. But he goes faster this time and before I know it, Ethan is sitting next to me.

“We’re both in here,” he says, tapping his temple, “But depending on the situation, I could be in charge, or he could be in charge. We’re the same entity with two bodies and two minds, but we are the same. The Moon Goddess chooses the spirit of the person with the matching spirit of the wolf.”

“Does that mean you and your wolf are the same?”

“We have the same goals, dreams, intentions, and bodies, but our personalities are slightly different. He has his own will as do I, but we almost always line up with each other,” he tells me, and I nod.

“You’re like platonic soulmates?”

Ethan pauses then nods. “Yes, actually. Not only do we get soulmates, but we have a wolf that completes the other part of our soul. Think of it as Lycans are born with two pieces of a soul and two pieces of a heart. If we didn’t have a wolf, our soul would be incomplete. If we didn’t have a fated mate, we would only have half a heart.”

“That’s pretty cool,” I tell him, leaning in and laying my head on his shoulder. “That kind of certainty is something most people would kill to have. I know it was one of my first feelings when Jack…”

I let my words fall off, not wanting to admit what I’ve been denying since Jack left and since I began liking Ethan.

“What is it?” Ethan asks softly, turning my face with a gentle nudge.

Biting my lip, I try to look away, but he keeps me still. Keeps our eyes connected.

“When Jack cheated, there was a brief moment when I wished I knew who I was supposed to be with, and then later, as I started falling for you, I wished I knew if we were supposed to be together,” I admit, watching for his reaction.

“How do you feel about being my fated mate, Fiona?”

I swallow my words, unsure what to say. It sounds amazing, but at the same time, how do I know he’s right? How do I know if things won’t go wrong like they did with Jack?

Shaking my head, I try to rid myself of the doubt creeping in.

“I don’t know,” I mutter honestly. “There’s so much going on, and I just… I don’t know what to think. I love the idea of a soulmate, but does it really work? Can I believe in something that I’ve just learned about? I—”

Ethan shushes me, brushing his knuckles over my cheek.

“You don’t have to make a choice right now, Fiona. I told you I would give you time to accept everything, and I will,” Ethan says softly. I search his green eyes, finding sincerity and warmth there. “Nothing needs to be decided right this second, so please think it over. I’ll be here, at your side, until you decide and even after that, if it’s what you need.”

“I—”

I stop myself before I can say something I regret. I don’t want to make the choice right now because there’s too much happening. If I choose now, I might make the wrong decision.

“Until you decide otherwise, I wanted to offer you a place to stay in my home. You don’t have to stay in my room unless you want to, you’ll have free reign of the house, and you can come and go as you please,” Ethan offers.

His words and the hidden meaning behind them make my heart soften. He’s giving me what I want- what I need- right now without pushing his life views on me.

“I’m sorry about your house anymore, but until you decide otherwise, you have mine. You can also come back to work whenever you’re ready,” Ethan tells me, snaking an arm around me and squeezing my hip.

An ache pierces my chest at his words and his sincerity. The sadness I didn’t have time to feel comes back full force, pushing me down. Instead of letting it drown me, I lean into Ethan and take the support he offers.

“Thank you, Ethan.”