Chapter 80

Ethan

Fiona’s fear let off a bitter smell, but it wasn’t as pungent as before. The longer we sit here talking, the calmer she grows, even as she asks to see my wolf. However, the smell still leaves a sick, nauseous feeling in my stomach.

She didn’t need to admit it for me to know, but I liked that she did. She at least trusts me enough to tell me what she’s feeling, which is a good step toward accepting what’s growing between us.

“She wants to meet me,” my wolf purrs happily. I chuckle at his excitement, but hold him back. I can’t have him bursting forth and scaring her more than she already is. That wouldn’t do either of us any good.

“I won’t,” he grumbles. “I’ll be slow.”

I try to see this from her view, how scary it could be learning a whole world is out there that only a select few know about. Growing up in the Lycan world doesn’t leave you with a lot of time to wonder how humans would feel when they are thrust into our world. Usually, if there’s a human coming into our world, they’re eased in, not dropped in like Fiona was.

“Are you sure you can change?” Fiona asks, nibbling on her bottom lip. “Will it hurt your injuries more?”

Just like Fiona to worry about someone other than herself. Fiona is unlike anyone I’ve ever met. Her bravery in the face of multiple attempts on her life amazes me, and now this? Her kind nature overcomes her fear, making me and my wolf smile.

“She’s perfect,” my wolf hums, and I almost agree with him. There are not many women, or people in general, who would take all of this so well.

“My injuries won’t worsen, if that’s what you’re thinking,” I tell her, straightening up. “Lycans heal quickly, and even with the wolfsbane in my system, shifting won’t hurt me. In fact, there’s a possibility that it could help speed up the healing process.”

Her eyes widen as she gasps.

“Then, that’s a good thing. But what I saw,” she pauses, her face scrunching up in thought. It’s a cute little expression, but I don’t comment on it because she continues, “It looked painful when you changed.”

“It was, and not only because I’m injured,” I answer. “It’s been a while since I shifted, and the longer you go between shifts the more uncomfortable it can be. In my case, it’s been a couple of months.”

Fiona nods contemplatively, rubbing her fingers on her chin. I watch as she leans in a bit, but I don’t think she realizes she’s doing it.

“So how does it work?”

“Shifting?”

She nods again.

“Well, we have the wolf inside that comes forward to take over, but both of our minds are conscious at the same time,” I explain the best I can. “Our bodies are different than animal bodies, so our bones rearrange as well as our insides. I don’t really feel it happening as much anymore other than when there are long times between shifting.”

Fiona shivers before saying, “That sounds uncomfortable.”

“It was more so when I first began shifting at age five,” I tell her. “The first time was the most painful, having all the bones in your body practically break and reform as a wolf for the first time is terrible.”

“Five?” Fiona gasps, her hand flying to her mouth in surprise. I smile.

Her concern is nice, which is unlike anyone else around me. Everyone looks to me to be the strongest, but having someone worry, even if there’s nothing to truly worry about feels good.

“Don’t worry,” I murmur, patting her knee while looking up at her. “It’s what I’m used to.”

“Is that what’ll happen now?”

“It is, but don’t worry,” I say. “This is normal, and nothing for you to worry about, but if you don’t want me to shift now, we can do this another time.”

I want her to say no because no matter how selfish it is, I want her to see everything. I want to include her in my life without her being afraid. If having her watch me shift is the way to do that, I’ll show her everything.

Biting her lip, Fiona releases my hand, scoots back to the middle of the bed, and pulls her knees up to her chest as if she’s hiding behind them. Though, not quite. The acrid smell of her fear isn’t as heavy as before. This time it’s tinted with curiosity and a bit of worry.

My brave girl.

Fiona

“I-I’m ready,” I stammer, tightening my arms around my legs. If I don’t do this now, I’m scared I won’t ever do it. I can’t run from this because Ethan is what he is. That won’t change. It’s better to try to embrace who he is or at least try to understand.

So, I watch, using my legs as a shield as Ethan’s body warps, bending and breaking. The cracking and scraping sounds fill the room, louder than I thought they’d be, and I almost lift my hands to cover my ears.

Almost.

Forcing myself to pay attention and to watch as Ethan changes will help me understand him.

However, even though I’ve seen the wolf before, when it’s standing in front of me, taller than even a Great Dane, I gasp. He’s almost double the size of a Great Dane, standing taller, thicker, and harrier than the large dog breed.

Amazement and terror flood my body, keeping me frozen in the middle of his bed. As if sensing my unease, the wolf sits, a long yawn stretching his jaws.

I gasp.

Sharper and whiter than any dog’s teeth, Ethan’s wolf would win the award for best K-9 teeth in a dog show.

“H-how… what do I do?” I whisper, unsure of myself. Do I touch him? Talk to him? Look at him? I don’t know what the protocol for something like this is.

The wolf huffs and then lays his head on the edge of the bed slowly. He doesn’t move otherwise, and I shake my head at my dumb question. Of course, he can’t answer, so I take a moment to just look at him. Dark black fur with streaks of brown through it shines under the light of the room, making me want to reach out and see if it’s as soft as it looks.

Ethan’s green eyes peer up at me from within the wolf’s features.

“Your eyes are different than last time,” I say, remembering the glowing gold they’d been while he fought. “Do they change by thems—”

I gasp again when his eyes flicker gold, and my mind reels. I’d seen his eyes change from green to gold before. At the time I thought it was a trick of the light, but now…

Slowly, I scoot forward and reach out. Then I stop.

“Can I touch you?” I ask, unsure again. Do Lycan wolfs like to be pet like dogs? Is it rude or degrading?

The wolf lifts his head then, a single nod answering my question.

Inching closer, I move slowly, slower than I’ve ever moved. It almost feels like I’m not moving, but going slow is better than moving too quickly and spooking the animal. Ethan said both he and the wolf are conscious in their mind, which is strange to me. I have one of me in my head. I couldn’t imagine two voices in my head.

I soon reach the edge of the bed, letting my legs drop between us and coming face to face with the wolf. He’s so big that his head is eye level with me, which is crazy. I’ve never seen such a large wolf.

A whine slips from the wolf, making me jump a bit, but then he lowers his head slowly. Soft fur brushes the tops of my hands as he lays his head on my thigh.

“How is this possible?” I mutter.

“How long can you stay like this?”

I know he can’t answer, but the questions continue coming.

“Does it feel weird having an entirely different body? I can’t imagine what it would feel like to change like that.”

“Can you get stuck like this forever?” I ask with a gasp, my hand falling softly on top of his head. If he got stuck like this, what would happen? Is there a Lycan- wolf doctor to help them with things like that?

He makes a chuffing sound, turning his head into my hand and making me smile.

“You’re soft,” I murmur, slowly sliding my hand over his fur. Even though he can’t answer, it helps me calm down, and soon, I’m freely petting the large, deadly beast in front of me like he’s a puppy.