Chapter 151

Fiona

Ding.

Ding. Ding.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Ding.

I tug on my hair, nearly screaming as my phone continues to alert me to new messages. It dings and dings and dings until I finally snatch it up from the little table, peek at the screen, and then shut it off when I don’t see Ethan’s name.

It seems like everyone else in the world is sending me messages except for the one person I want.

My eyes burn, the overly familiar sensation becoming a constant feeling in my life as I blink away tears for the third time today. I’ve grown to hate crying, but I can’t seem to get away from it.

When Isla came down from her shower I was crying. Earlier in the day, I’d hidden in the supply room and cried. Now, in the darkness of my borrowed room, I’m crying again.

Turning over, I squeeze my eyes closed and bury my face in my pillow. I’d really been falling for Ethan. I could picture a future, a family with him, but then he started pulling away and distancing himself.

I thought I could have a happy life once I got away from Jack, that everything would become right and good once he was out of my life. However, that only lasted for a moment; it was a tiny blip that passed so quickly I didn’t realize it was gone until now.

Until I laid down in this bed, waiting for a response I should’ve known wouldn’t come.

“Fiona?” Isla’s voice calls softly through the door. The hesitancy and concern break me, pulling a sob from my chest. “Fiona, I’m coming in.”

My body shakes as I cry into my pillow, and a minute later, the bed dips behind me and slim arms wrap around me.

“Shhh,” Isla whispers, pulling me close. “I’m sorry, Fiona. I’m so sorry.” I let her pull me close, needing the comfort that no one else wants to provide. “Is there anything I can do?”

“I just… I just don’t understand,” I hiccup, sniffling past the sobs and turning to look at her. “He told me it was more than sex. I thought it was more than sex, but if it was, would he keep leaving me alone like this? I wanted to be with him, not at first, but as we spent more time together, I wanted it… wanted him. I- I… he said so many things… told me we were made for each other, so why does he keep pulling away? Why?”

Isla’s arms tighten around me, and I lean in, soaking in every bit of warmth she offers and letting my tears fall.

“I just wish his actions would match his words.”

“What if…” Isla’s words trail off, so I look up at her, blinking past the burning tears. “What if you went to him?”

“To the West?”

There’s no way I could track him down. I know nothing about the West, and besides, if he wanted me there, he would’ve invited me.

Would one more chance really be that bad, though? Part of me perks up at the thought, but then my stomach churns with nausea, and I push away the foolish hope that pricks at my heart.

“I wouldn’t even know where to start looking,” I admit. “Besides, I already told him it was over.”

Isla shakes her head and pushes up into a sitting position. I watch her readjust even as her eyes bare down on me with raised eyebrows and an ‘are you kidding me’ expression.

“You could get Ryan’s help,” she states, “And didn’t you say that Ethan had a lot going on with his family? Maybe he isn’t ignoring you on purpose. Maybe there’s something else going on and it’s forcing him to focus solely on the problem.”

I’d had the same thought, but it kept happening. Over and over, he left me alone. But what if she’s right? It’s not like I want everything to be about me, but I would like Ethan to be here for me like he promised.

Besides, even if I went to him, I don’t think things will change. I wipe at my wet cheeks and close my eyes, not really wanting to talk about this anymore. I just want to sleep.

“I don’t think going to the West would help. In fact, it might make things worse,” I whisper, thinking about Ethan’s family. They clearly don’t want anything to do with me from how they’re pushing the marriage on Ethan. If I showed up, they’d probably freak out.

“Just think about it a bit before you fully make your mind up, Fiona,” Isla says, tapping my forehead gently. When I open my eyes to look up at Isla, she’s already peering down at me with a soft smile. “Don’t let a few bumps in the road keep you from going on an amazing journey. No relationship is perfect. What makes a relationship work is putting forth effort to get past those bumps.”

Sighing, I turn onto my side and try to push down the regret that tightens my chest.

“I said it’s already too late, Isla,” I mutter, closing my eyes as the message I sent earlier pops into my head. “I already told him we couldn’t be together, and I didn’t say it in a nice way. He’s going to hate me when he reads it… if he reads it.”

He won’t want to be with me after I tore into him the way I did. No one would. They’d be crazy to go back to someone who so clearly told them to stay out of their lives.

“I know. I know, but sometimes things have a funny way of working out in the end if they’re meant to be,” Isla whispers, her fingers brushing over my hair. I lean into the touch, wishing my mother was here.

She would know exactly what to do in this situation. But she’s not here, and neither is Ethan.

Squeezing my eyes closed, I fight the tears that try to surface again.

“Not likely,” I mutter, even though I wish it weren’t true. The softness of her touch and the wisdom in her words makes me want to believe her. I want to run after Ethan and tell him I didn’t mean what I said. I want to find him and tell him we can fix the problems between us, but I don’t know if we can make it work.

There are too many things battling against us, pushing us back whenever we take a step forward.

We’re like two magnets that push against each other instead of coming together. We’re meant to be, but there’s always something that keeps us apart.