Chapter 214

Ella

“Ella, why are you always so hell-bent on pushing me away?”

Logan’s words, filling the silence left in the wake by the movie, made my stomach twist up in knots that I had never expected. I swallowed, unsure of how to respond.

“W-What?” I asked, leaning back a bit in my chair. “What are you saying?”

Logan scoffed as he set down the TV remote next to his plate of pizza, which was half-eaten. “You’re always pushing me away,” he said. “It’s always a game of hot and cold with you. I never know whether you’ll open up or close yourself off even more.”

A slight chill ran down my spine at Logan’s words—because they were right. But I wasn’t ready to admit it. Not yet.

“I’m not hell-bent on pushing you away,” I stammered, my voice barely above a whisper, but even as the words left my lips, they felt hollow, unconvincing.

Logan’s expression was one of frustration mixed with sadness. I could tell that he didn’t believe me, and why should he? “Ella,” he said, “every time it seems like you’re finally into me and accepting your feelings for me, you back off almost immediately after. It’s like you’re constantly putting your foot in your mouth. Why? Is it intentional?”

Even Ema, just as I suspected she would, echoed his sentiment in the back of my mind. “Remember earlier tonight, under the stars? You were holding hands, kissing... Why are you acting like this now?”

I felt cornered, the walls of my defenses crumbling. A deep breath did little to steady my trembling voice. “It’s... it’s not easy for me, Logan,” I began, my eyes welling up with tears that came out of nowhere. “You don’t know everything about me, about what I want… About my past.”

“Enlighten me, then,” Logan said, standing. “I want to know about you, Ella. It’s you who always hides behind these walls you’ve put up.”

My eyes widened slightly as I looked up at Logan. His gaze was steady, a stark contrast to the turmoil inside of my head and the rapid beating of my heart. I opened my mouth to respond, but then closed it again, too clammed up to speak.

“Tell him,” Ema said. “It’s time, Ella. Time for you to stop hiding.”

“But—”

“Tell. Him.”

I felt my heart sink. Logan was still standing there, staring at me, and my wolf wasn’t backing down either. I felt cornered, and in that moment, I knew that there was no use trying to hold back any longer.

“Y-You really want to know?” I asked softly.

Logan nodded and crouched down in front of me, placing his hands on my knees. The sensation made my heart race even more. “Tell me, Ella. You know you can talk to me about anything.”

I swallowed, reaching out one last time to my wolf, but she wasn’t budging. This wouldn’t end until I opened up; even now, I could feel her strength coming through, forcing me to sit still even though I wanted nothing more than to run.

“My biological mother,” I choked out, “she abandoned me when I was very young. To her, I was nothing more than a means to get money from my father.” The pain of that long-buried memory made my voice quiver. I was shocked with myself for blurting it all out, but I couldn’t help it. My wolf was prodding me, forcing me to tell the truth.

“I never felt loved by her,” I continued, my voice hardly more than a whisper. “I never felt like I mattered.”

Logan’s face tightened, a shadow of anger passing over his features, but he remained silent, encouraging me to go on.

“And then, as I got older, I had this string of horrible boyfriends in high school and college,” I whispered. “One of them, he... he always coerced me into sex. He took advantage of me, told me that it’s what a woman is supposed to do: pleasure her man. It made me uncomfortable, made me question the very idea of love.”

Tears streamed down my cheeks now, unchecked. “I grew up believing that men just take advantage of women, that they use love as a tool for their own gain. The only good man I ever knew was my father. He’s the exception, not the rule.”

Logan’s eyes held a deep sadness, a pained understanding. “Ella, I had no idea,” he murmured. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

I wiped my tears with the back of my hand, feeling a raw vulnerability I hadn’t allowed myself to feel in years. “I’m scared, Logan,” I admitted, my voice breaking. “I’m scared of being used again, scared of opening up and finding out it’s all a lie.”

“But Ella,” Logan said gently, standing once more, “I thought I’ve made it clear that I don’t want to hurt you. That you mean the world to me.”

“And yet,” I said, my pain turning into anger, “the first night we met, you willingly admitted that you were going to use me for your own gain. That the great Ella Morgan will be the perfect laurel on your crown.”

Logan’s eyes widened. “You know things have changed since then,” he said softly. “I’m not that guy anymore. And I’ve apologized, tried to make it up to you, tried to prove that I—”

“But you don’t understand,” I insisted, standing now myself. “Logan, it’s not that simple. I can’t just… I can’t just shut off this part of me that wants nothing more than to be protected. A few apologies and some sweet moments doesn’t change the fact that you, Logan, are still using me to get your father’s fortune.”

A heavy silence fell over the room then. Logan’s eyes were wide, and so were mine. All at once, I felt a sickening combination of relief, anger, sadness, and bitterness welling up inside of me. Even my wolf was in shock, silent and unsure of what to say.

Logan reached out, as if to comfort me, but then hesitated, pulling his hand back. “Ella, it’s not like that anymore,” he whispered. “And I would never want to hurt you. I thought you knew that, after everything. If you can’t see that, then I don’t know what else to do to make you understand.”

His words stung, a sharp reminder of the chasm my fears had created between us. Without another word, he then turned on his heel and made for the door.

“Logan, wait,” I pleaded, my voice laced with desperation. I didn’t know why I was calling after him, why I was reaching for his hand, but I was. Maybe it was my wolf pushing me, or maybe it was my more innocent side desperate for love, or maybe it was my fear of abandonment coming through.

My hand met his, and he didn’t pull away at first. But when he turned to face me, his expression was a mix of hurt and resignation. “Ella, I care about you so much more than you realize,” he said softly, his blue eyes filled with sincerity. “And yes, I know that I was a real shithead when we first met, and I’m so sorry. But I’d never hurt you.”

“Logan—”

“Just—I think it’s best if we go to bed,” Logan said, gently pulling his hand away. “We can talk once we’re rested. And um… Thanks for joining me for pizza and a movie.”

Without another word, he turned on his heel and left before I could bring myself to say anything. The door closed with a soft click, leaving me alone in the dimly lit movie theater room.

And all I could do was stare at the door, tears streaming down my cheeks.