Chapter 204

Ella

I was left in the wake of Logan’s exit, my heart fluttering in my chest like a caged bird.

Inside of me, my wolf roiled like a brewing storm. She was furious with me, and I couldn’t blame her. I had almost just rejected our fated mate.

But in the end, I couldn’t do it. The words, no matter how hard I had tried to utter them, simply wouldn’t come. I cursed myself inwardly, wondering how I had grown so weak and lovesick.

“I need some fresh air,” I whispered to myself. “I need to think.”

The warm rays of the morning sun were filtering through the window, casting a golden glow across the room. It was still early in the day, and it was Sunday. Maybe a hike would help me clear my head. Maybe I just needed to get in touch with nature, and then I could see clearly through the fog of emotions that were whirling around inside of my head and clouding my judgment.

Maybe.

Stepping outside, I was greeted by the embrace of a perfect sunny morning. The warmth of the sun on my skin was comforting, and the gentle breeze carried the scent of the forest along with it.

I decided then and there: a hike seemed like just the thing to help me escape the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside of me, I was sure of it.

Before long, I found myself standing at the base of the familiar hiking trails that I frequented. The lush greenery and the promise of solitude beckoned to me, offering a temporary respite from the complexities of whatever the hell I had gotten myself into with Logan.

As I began to ascend the trail, the sounds of nature filled my ears, a perfect mixture of sweet birdsong and the sound of leaves rustling in the wind. The scenery around me was breathtaking, with tall trees casting dappled shadows on the path, and the occasional glimpse of a colorful wildflower.

The trail here was a bit sandy, although it had been packed down from hikers using it. And through the trees, I could see the tall rock walls of the mountain that lined the path. I realized then that I hadn’t taken the mountain path in some time, so I veered off of the main trail onto one of the more difficult trails that would take me up, up, away from all of my worries.

And yet, despite the intensity of the trail and the way the exertion made me sweat under the heat of the sun, I still couldn’t stop thinking about earlier. It was like a plague, really. I had thought that hiking this trail would have cleared my head, but if anything, the intense exercise just made me think even more.

I couldn’t stop thinking about Logan, about his muscles glistening with sweat and the way his breath felt on my neck. And I hated that I couldn’t stop feeling his flesh beneath my fingertips.

Suddenly, a familiar whisper in the back of my mind caught my attention. Ema had disappeared for a little while to fume on her own, but she had returned again, just as I suspected she would.

“Wanna talk?” she asked.

With a weary sigh, I mentally responded. “Sure, Ema.”

Her voice echoed in my thoughts, gentle but firm. I knew I was in for a good scolding, that much was for sure. “It’s clear that you’re afraid of love, Ella,” she said. “And you have abandonment issues to boot. It’s been a part of you ever since your biological mother left you behind, hasn’t it?”

“Wow,” I replied mentally, unable to contain the soft chuckle that escaped my lips just then. “You don’t be around the bush, do you, Ema?”

But Ema remained silent, waiting for my response.

I sighed. I couldn’t deny the truth that was in my wolf’s words. She was just like me, after all: blunt, abrasive, but often right.

My mother’s abandonment had, in fact, scarred me deeply, leaving me with a fear of letting anyone get too close. No matter how young I had been when she left, it still affected me, and I knew that. I had known that for some time.

But I wasn’t without a mother growing up. “I have Moana,” I defended. “And my dad, and Daisy. It’s not like I was alone. And I wanted for nothing.”

Ema acknowledged the truth in my words but refused to let me off the hook. “Yes, that may be true,” she said, “but you still have unresolved issues, Ella. You can have everything and still wish that your mother hadn’t left you.”

“I know,” I said. “Trust me, I know.”

There was a silence, one that was punctuated only by the sounds of my boots clumping along in the dirt and the distant birdsong, as Ema processed my emotions before she continued.

“The real issue here is that you need to understand… that just because your biological mother abandoned you doesn’t mean that everyone else will.”

At her words, defensiveness instantly crept into my thoughts, and I replied aloud with a hint of irritation, “You think I don’t know that?”

Ema scoffed, her presence unwavering despite my defensiveness. “I’m not so sure you do,” she said, her voice firm. “You have spent your life self-destructing when it comes to love. Now, you have been handed your fated mate on a silver platter, Ella, and it’s clear that you both care deeply for each other. Don’t self-destruct now.”

Heat rose to my cheeks, and I couldn’t deny the truth of her words, no matter how badly I wanted to. “I don’t love Logan,” I protested under my breath, although the words felt hollow even to me.

“Stop lying, Ella,” Ema said gently. “You love him, and that’s okay. He loves you, too.”

I sighed as I continued along the trail, my thoughts consumed by the inner battle waging within me. How could Ema be so sure of Logan's feelings? What if I was only a convenience for him, a distraction from the life he led?

As I reached the peak of the hiking trail, I couldn’t help but pause to take in the breathtaking view. The city sprawled out below me, a mosaic of buildings and streets bathed in the golden light of the afternoon sun.

It was a sight to behold, but I couldn’t focus on it—not when my mind kept drifting back to Logan.

Ema’s voice returned, gentle yet persistent. “It’s about time you start realizing that it’s okay to be vulnerable, Ella,” she said softly. “You don’t have to be the hardened tomboy lawyer all of the time. Sometimes, it’s okay to be gentle, kind, and open to being hurt. That’s how we grow.”

I considered her words, the weight of their truth settling over me. She was right, as she usually was. Maybe it was time to let my guard down, to allow myself to feel and embrace the love that had found its way into my heart, despite my resistance.

Sitting there on the peak, I allowed myself to soak in the view, to let the beauty of the world wash over me for a while. For those moments, I felt at peace, as if the answers to my inner turmoil were finally within reach.

But then, as I began to descend the trail, a familiar voice called out my name, breaking the serenity of the moment. “Ella! Ella, wait up!”

I turned around, my heart skipping a beat as I spotted none other than Devon in the distance, waving and heading my way.