Chapter 564

Nina

I sank down heavily into the plush chair behind my father’s mahogany desk, letting out a long exhale as I tried to get comfortable. My back was aching something fierce from being on my feet all day, the extra weight of the baby making it feel like I was carrying a bowling ball in my belly.

Meetings, negotiations, policy reviews… the duties of a queen never seemed to end. I rubbed my temples wearily, wondering how in the world my father had handled this level of responsibility day in and day out for over a century.

He had always made it look so effortless, like he was born for the role of the Alpha King. Whereas I felt adrift, struggling to keep my head above water most days. And I knew it would get even worse once I went back to school and had the baby, too. Talk about high blood pressure.

Suddenly, the creak of the door opening made me glance up. My mother slipped inside, a steaming mug of tea in her hands and a soft smile on her face.

“I thought you might need this,” she said, crossing the room to set the mug on the desk in front of me. “Chamomile with honey, just how you like it.”

I returned her smile gratefully, wrapping my hands around the warm mug almost immediately. “Thank you, Mom. You’re a lifesaver.”

Angelica settled herself in the chair across from me with a thoughtful look. “Long day?”

“Doesn’t the lengthening shadow under my eyes give it away?” I chuckled dryly, taking a sip of the tea and wincing as it burned my tongue.

Rather than laughing along, my mother’s expression turned serious. “Nina… I know this hasn’t been easy for you.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but she held up a hand to stop me.

“No, let me finish.” She leaned forward earnestly. “Becoming a ruler at all is an incredible challenge, let alone in the midst of everything else you have going on in your life right now. I can’t imagine how overwhelmed you must feel sometimes.”

My shoulders sagged as the fight drained out of me. As usual, my mother had cut straight through to the heart of the matter with striking clarity.

“You’re right,” I admitted in a small voice, absently rubbing my belly. “I don’t know if I can do this, Mom. Be a good queen, a good Luna, while also being a medical student and a mother soon… The coronation hasn’t happened yet, and I’ll admit part of me is considering finding a replacement before that happens so I can just… walk away.”

I trailed off, shaking my head as doubts and fears I had been pushing down for months bubbled up to the surface.

“Nina,” my mom said softly, “you don’t mean that.”

I shook my head. “Of course not. But I just feel so lost half the time, like I’m stumbling around blindly with no clue what I’m doing. How did Dad make it all look so easy?”

To my surprise, Angelica let out a wry chuckle at that. When I furrowed my brow at her, she reached across the desk to pat my hand consolingly.

“Oh, Nina… your father spent his entire reign doubting himself, just like you are now.”

My eyes widened at that unexpected admission. Surely she was mistaken—the great Aldric had always seemed so confident, so self-assured, even from the few memories I had of him.

Seeming to read my skepticism, my mother’s expression turned wistful. “It’s true. I may not have known him for long, but for as long as I did know him, Aldric was questioning his decisions, calling himself a failure for every misstep, big or small.”

She shook her head slowly. “He never believed he was cut out to be king. Said on more than one occasion that he should just find a replacement and go somewhere far, far away.”

Slumped back in my chair, I could only gape at her, struggling to reconcile this portrait of self-doubt with the strong, assured image of my father that lived on in my mind’s eye.

Had I really known him at all, I wondered? Or had I merely been too self-absorbed and naive to see past the facade of unshakable command he projected?

After a long silence, I found my voice. “Why didn’t he ever tell me that?”

“He didn’t want you to see his weakness, I suppose,” Angelica replied with a small, sad smile. “He wanted you to respect him, look up to him, the way a daughter should see her father.”

Her words stung, although I knew she didn’t intend them to. The truth was, I hadn’t gotten nearly enough time with my father to look up to him or see any side of him at all, really. In just a few short months, I had lost him.

A familiar ache blossomed in my chest as I contemplated just how much I had lost by his passing. How much I still didn’t know, how much I might never know, about the man who had brought me into this world and the legacy I now shouldered in his wake.

My hand strayed unconsciously to the swell of my stomach as a new thought struck me. I couldn’t imagine losing her for so long, just as my father had lost me. I wanted her to know me, the real me.

At least, until her eighteenth birthday when my daughter’s mind was replaced with that of my twin sister.

Suddenly, I was pulled out of my reverie when my mother stood and gave my shoulder a squeeze.

“Get some rest, Nina,” she murmured. “You’ve more than earned it.”

I watched her go, then slowly rose myself to stretch my aching back. A walk might help clear my swirling thoughts, I figured.

My feet carried me out through the mansion’s gardens, down the familiar path to the small family graveyard tucked off in the nearby forest clearing. I wasn’t even fully aware that I was going there until I found myself standing in front of my family’s headstones.

“Hey, Dad,” I murmured, reaching out to trace the elegantly carved letters spelling out his name. “I miss you.”

Sinking down on the soft grass, I hugged my knees to my chest as best I could, staring unseeingly at the words. So much I wanted to say, to ask him… and no way to do it.

“I wish we had more time together,” I confessed in a small voice. “Maybe then I wouldn’t feel so… fucking lost trying to fill your shoes.”

For a long stretch, I simply allowed myself to linger there, hoping against hope for some sort of sign or reassurance from beyond the veil as I had with my sister’s grave during the Moon Festival. A whisper on the breeze, a flicker of starlight… anything.

But this time, there was nothing but silence and stillness all around.

Oddly, I found that comforting in its own way, even through the tears that had clouded my eyes—a gentle reminder that my father’s spirit had moved on.

Perhaps that was for the best. As much as part of me might crave his counsel, if he were truly at peace, I wouldn’t wish to disturb that peace for anything. He had ruled this realm, been through so much, for nearly two centuries. It was time for him to rest.

Eventually, the crunch of footsteps on the gravel path made me turn. Enzo appeared from the shadows a moment later, holding one of my cardigans in his hand. When he saw me sitting there, however, his shoulders slumped a little.

No words passed between us as he simply sank down behind me, gathering me into his solid warmth. I melted back against his chest with a contented sigh, allowing the tension to finally drain from my shoulders.

Out here, in this sanctuary with the man I loved at my side, my worries momentarily fell away. My father would understand the path that lay ahead was mine alone to walk now.

And for tonight, at least, that was enough.