Chapter 9

I want to crawl into a hole. I want to burst into tears and curl up into the fetal position, and just…pass away.

What the hell has gotten into me lately? I can’t believe my mistake; I must be losing it.

What, just because Daniel and Derek both have names that start with D, I sent the message to the wrong person? Think, Esme. You look crazy!

My cheeks feel hot and red, and I don’t move an inch as I force myself to stare at my boss. There’s no easy way out of this, so the only way out is through. Truth-telling time.

“I’m sorry, sir,” I start, breathing out very slowly. “I sent that text by mistake. It meant for someone else.”

“I know that.” His brows crease at me, showing his frustration. But is that…anger? Why would he be angry about a mis-text?

“It won’t happen again,” I insist.

Derek sighs, leaning back in his chair to take me in. I feel my skin prickling again as I try to desperately keep myself together.

“Esme,” he says slowly. Then, he takes a deep breath, and I know I’m in for a hard conversation.

“I’m very aware that you’re going through…a tough time. I don’t mind giving you some assistance and support because I know how this situation can manifest itself.”

He pauses, making sure to keep constant eye contact as he leaves an air of mystery between us.

“However, with the pile of mess that comes with a divorce, your recent promotion, the fact you’re short on time, and now you’re spending your free time flirting with men? Are you able to continue doing your job? And if so, can you still do it well?”

His words hit me hard, like a slap in the face of an insult. I feel immediately ashamed of myself, knowing that Derek is well-meaning and just wants to make sure his staff is ready for any situation that may arise.

I shake my head in disbelief; how could I be acting so foolish, so aloof? I love this job, and I’m damn good at it. I can’t lose my focus on a man, or anything outside of the job, especially when I’m going to need it once the divorce is finalized.

Derek fought hard for my promotion, always making sure I was able to take on everything that I was given. His kindness has not gone unnoticed. But I have to show him that I do take this work seriously because otherwise, it would look bad for both of us.

“I’m so sorry, sir,” I finally squeak, picking at my cuticles absent-mindedly. “It won’t happen again. I promise I’m going to refocus on my work to avoid any further distractions.”

He nods but says nothing.

I remind myself that I already owe Derek a lot, and I shouldn’t be causing him more trouble. He is, after all, my boss. He wants to make sure his subordinates are in line and able to complete their tasks. There’s nothing wrong with that.

“We’re done here. You’re free to go.”

He says those words while looking down at his computer, and I take my leave quickly.

As I rush out of his office, my cheeks still hot and my eyes stinging with tears of embarrassment, I secretly begin to wonder.

When I moved into my new place, Derek assured me on day one that there would be a space “after work for personal time.” Deep down, I wonder if that’s just a little bit of a double standard.

After all, it’s hard to show Derek that I’m fulfilling my potential at the company if all I’m doing is acting like a fool

I return to my desk and wipe at my eyes, hoping no one sees the tears that still threaten to fall. But as I do so, I realize that Daniel never actually got a text from me.

I want to part on good terms with him. He was very kind, and I don’t want to leave him with the impression I’m someone who ghosts others.

With a large sigh, I pull up Daniel’s contact—for real this time—and I send him a short message so I can get back to work.

“Sorry, I’m not in the right state to be dating right now. You’re a good person. I hope you understand. :) –Es”

I hit send, and I let my phone sit on my desk for a second before I start returning to my work. To my surprise, however, Daniel unexpectedly calls me very quickly.

I hesitate but slowly pick up the ringing phone and press it to my ear.

“Hello?” I waver quietly.

“Esme, this is Daniel.”

“Yes, I saw your name come up.”

“I just wanted to speak to you rather than send a message. I’d like to make my intentions clear.”

“What intentions?”

“I am genuinely fond of you, Esme,” he relays to me. “I know that seems rather quick, but I am a man who knows what he wants and doesn’t hesitate.”

“Oh,” I say, dumbfounded.

“I’d like to talk with you in person if that’s possible. Even if we can’t continue going about this like there’s a possible courtship. I will accept whatever outcome we end up reaching.”

My heart feels a tug, like a smile crossing your lips without so much as a second thought. His words are gentle, and I can tell they are truthful.

“I know this may sound absurd, but last night ignited something inside of me. I feel as though I may have found my soulmate in you, Esme.”

I’m flattered and genuinely touched. When was the last time someone spoke so truthfully and paid me a mere compliment? Now I have a man here thinking I might be his soulmate.

But the problem with all of this is that I’m not even divorced yet. I’m in the middle of figuring out what to do with my life, a huge promotion on my shoulders, and the last thing I need is a new relationship to teeter on the edge with.

“Daniel, that’s really sweet. But I have to be honest that I have to clean up the mess I’m leaving behind me. I need to figure out a few life things before I can even consider dating again.”

“What mess?”

Right, I didn’t actually tell him.

“I’m sort of in the middle of going through a divorce.”

A pause, like maybe we’ve been disconnected. I check my screen to make sure, but he’s still on the line.

“Well,” he breathes. “That explains a lot.”

I can’t help but let out a laugh. “This is just a lot for me to take in right now, and I don’t want you to be left behind in my mess of a broken marriage. I’m just not ready right now to jump into something brand new on top of all the other things I have to worry about.”

“If it helps, I’m actually a lawyer, and I can offer my help if you truly need it.”

“Oh, but you don’t have to—”

“You can reach out to me at any time, Esme. For whatever. It doesn’t necessarily have to be about anything with intimacy, so don’t worry.”

“Thank you, Daniel,” I say, feeling the exhausted weight lifting from my shoulders. “I’m touched by your generosity.”

He lets out a short laugh on his end. “Of course. I understand you’re having a rough time, so feel free to reach out if something comes up.”

I thank him again, and we say our goodbyes.

As I hang up the phone, I realize that speaking of lawyers, I’m going to have to find my own divorce lawyer. If I want to keep Ryan from getting what he wants, I need to take the first steps.

After work, I rush over to a divorce lawyer’s office that I’d heard about, hoping to catch them before they close for the night.

I arrive with a few minutes to spare, breathing quickly as I go up to the front desk to ask for a consultation with some of their partners.

But as soon as I’m seated and give my name, I’m immediately met with rejection.

“Oh, I’m sorry, but we can’t actually take on your case.”