Chapter 51

Esme

Derek and the girls stand on the other side of my front door, all smiling at me eagerly.

“Come on in, girls,” I instruct, waving them in. “Sammy’s over by the couch.”

Bea and Tris run in, cooing at Sammy as Derek walks past, allowing me to shut the door.

I get a whiff of what might be cologne or his body wash. Suddenly, the rush of sickness hits me like a train.

“Be right back.” I manage to tell him, running into the bathroom for another round of morning sickness.

I’m getting absolutely sick of having this be a daily occurrence. Not only is it disgusting to lose my breakfast every day, but Derek might realize at any moment what I’m hiding from him.

I give myself a few extra minutes before I leave the room, washing my hands and splashing water on my face. I feel like absolute shit now.

“Miss Esme, are you okay?” Bea questions once I’m back with them.

Waving it off, I smile at the two young girls. “I’m okay, I promise,” I assure them.

Derek, though, is clearly not buying it. His usually quizzical look is unusually reserved today, and I start to worry that he might actually know what I’m hiding.

“Do you guys want to give Sammy some treats?” I ask, changing the subject. “I think I have some in the cabinet.”

“Treats!” Tris cheers. “I want to feed the kitty!”

I get the treats down and hand them each a couple of pieces. “Be extra nice to Sammy, and then you might be able to get him to eat out of your hand!”

Bea squeals and thanks me for the treats as her little sister follows her. After the girls walk away, I plop down in the closest chair I can find, breathing out as I feel my legs beginning to swell again.

“So, how long have you known?” Derek’s question is so out of left field that I can’t help but be confused.

“Known what? That Sammy likes treats?”

He chuckles, sitting down in the closest chair. “What you’re obviously hiding from everyone. Even me.”

I shrug, trying to seem innocent. “I’m not hiding anything.”

Derek shakes his head. “The swollen legs? The morning sickness? Constant mood swings?”

“You said I’m going through trauma,” I defend.

“It’s not just trauma. Come on, Esme. I’ve had two kids.”

With no further arguments, I just sit there and stare into his dark brown eyes. I feign ignorance with another smaller shrug.

Finally, he sighs and lowers his voice. “How far along are you? With the pregnancy?”

Shit. He really does read me like a fucking book.

I groan quietly. “Not too far. Maybe like six to eight weeks?”

“Anyone else know? Or have you been hiding this from the world, too?”

My eyes widen, and I start to panic. “My best friends are the only ones who know. I haven’t told another soul besides my OB.”

Another raised eyebrow. “Why? What’s to hide?”

I shake my head back and forth as the blonde hair spills into my face. “I don’t want anyone to know. What happens if the baby affects how the trial goes, or Ryan sues me for custody?”

My eyes gloss over at the worst question I can come up with. “What if the stress harms my baby?”

This might be the first time I’ve called the baby mine. It’s surreal, and I don’t recognize the way it feels. I’m not just some woman who wants to be a mom and drops the world for their child. Can’t I be both?

“Woah, slow down, Esme,” Derek soothes. “You have enough stress right now. Don’t go adding to it.”

I nod, still feeling disheveled at the thought.

“I also think he can sue for custody whether or not you tell him,” Derek slowly answers. “You can’t exactly hide a pregnancy, let alone the literal baby.”

“I’d rather he finds out after the court proceedings. I mean, he already wants my money and is willing to go to any lengths to screw me over.”

“So, you’re just going to go through life like you’re not growing another human being inside of you?” he questions.

With a shrug, I reply, “For as long as I can, yeah.”

My boss chuckles. “Esme.”

“What?”

“I won’t tell anyone about the baby. But this can’t be hidden. If it comes out you purposely kept your husband from knowing about the pregnancy, you could be in a lot more shit than right now.”

“What if I say I didn’t know?” I try.

He stares at me without a word, and deep in my bones, I know he is thinking about how I’ve known.

“Your best friends know about the baby. Your OB knows. Now I know. Soon enough, everyone around you will know.”

I roll my head back and groan with frustration. “I just want things to be normal.”

“Well, really, what is normal?”

“Not having to worry about my husband’s infidelity. Not questioning how a divorce will finally settle. Not living next door to my boss and struggling to keep my shit together.”

“Well, what’s wrong with living next to your boss?” He teases, and his eyebrows do that silly wiggle.

I snort, shaking my head back and forth as I cover my mouth. “Nothing at all.”

“Let your lawyers do what they have to. Don’t go about trying to hide this if it comes out.”

“Have you done this before or something?” I taunt.

“Daddy!” Bea calls over to us. “The kitty kissed me!”

Somehow, I’d forgotten his girls were here. Because once my mind registers Derek’s daughters with Sammy across the room, I let out a sigh.

“Did he now?” Derek asks, his jovial voice returning for her.

“I didn’t get a kiss,” Tris huffs.

Straightening up as Derek approaches the cat and girls, I clear my throat. “Sometimes Sammy doesn’t want to give kisses.”

“Awww!” Tris whines.

I watch my cat sit in front of the girls, curious and fluffy grey head tilted to the side as he watches them. He licks his lips and looks around at all the people.

“He likes you guys.”

“How do you know that?” Bea questions.

I point to Sammy. “Because it’s rare he just sits still for anyone.”

Approaching, I pick up my cat and lift him up to my chest. “Oh, he’s purring now!”

The two little girls start squealing and begging to hold him.

“Girls,” Derek’s tone is a warning not to push.

“He’s going to need a little more time to get to know you,” I explain. “He likes you, but I’m one of the only people he lets hold him. My best friends can’t even hold him!”

Bea laughs, Tris now pulling on her father’s pant leg. “Please, Daddy, can’t we get a kitty?”

He lifts his eyes to me, and the two of us smile. As Sammy purrs and rubs his head on my cheek, I watch Derek’s facial expressions as we continue to stare.

“Maybe when you are a little older, Tris,” he replies, still watching me. “Cats are a big responsibility.”

“We can take care of a kitty,” Bea confirms.

Finally, his dark eyes pull away. “I’m sorry, girls. Daddy just can’t get a cat right now.”

“But you two can keep coming over and playing with Sammy,” I rush to say. “So long as your dad is okay with you two being here.”

Derek’s smile is subtle, sending a pang of something toward my heart. What is that look? What is he thinking?

Without speaking or communicating anything further, he mouths, “Thank you.”

Great, now there’s heat rushing to my face.

He holds some of my biggest secrets. What could he possibly do with all this knowledge?

Be a friend. And a neighbor.

But still, my boss.