Chapter 29

I’ve avoided Derek and the girls for a few days. I’ve been a complete mess, but still, I refuse to give any information to my boss. He’s only approached me once, and I made excuses for needing to leave the room.

Since then, I’ve worked from home for a few days just so I can de-stress from everything that’s been happening.

In truth, it’s been a long time since I overreacted like that around anyone. Annie and Lily don’t even know the context of why I melted down.

But I haven’t talked to them about it.

So I’m surprised when a few nights later, while I’m in the middle of trying to relax with a book, I hear knocking on my door.

“Let us in, Esme!” Annie calls out.

“We come bearing takeout!” Lily adds, which I can’t help but snort at.

I groan as I get up off my ass and open the door to let them in.

“God, you look like shit,” Annie states candidly, coming in with a large bag of delicious-smelling food.

“Nice to see you, too,” I mock.

“Don’t mind her; she’s just cranky,” Lily says, hand on my shoulder.

“I’m not cranky!” Annie snaps back.

Lily and I give each other a look, raising our eyebrows simultaneously.

Annie sits down on my couch and starts pulling out all the food.

Choosing to ignore cranky Annie, I sigh, and we join her at the table.

“So, what brings you two here?” I change the subject.

“You haven’t left the house in days,” Lily replies, opening up a container of Chinese food. It smells like General Zho’s.

“That’s not true,” I argue.

“Girl, you’re on our Find My Friends, and we talk every day; do you think we’re dumb?” Annie retorts.

I lift my hands in surrender at the blonde. “Hey, no need to be mean.”

“Though her words are mean, her heart is in the right place,” Lily adds. “We’re worried about you.”

“Nothing to tell,” I lie, taking another container out.

“You realize you’re a terrible liar,” Lily states, making direct eye contact with me.

“I happen to be a great liar, thank you.”

“Then why do we know you haven’t left the house?” Annie comments.

“Because you’re my best friends. I’m fine, okay? Just been extra tired. Am I not allowed to be tired while pregnant?”

The two don’t answer as I pop a fried shrimp in my mouth.

“Did something happen with Mr. Boss Man?” Lily is fishing around with her chopsticks now.

“Like?”

“I don’t know; I asked you the question.”

“I think Ryan’s made me lose faith in men.”

The sentence is out before I really have time to think it through.

“Well, that’s understandable.” Lily pops a piece of broccoli in her mouth. “He’s a shit stain.”

“That’s why there’s a divorce on the table.” Annie is mumbling, and I realize she’s not going to stop being a brat.

“What’s up your ass?” I snap. “Is my never-ending ball of problems taking up too much of your time?”

Lily whips her brown bob around to look between me and Annie. I can see in her matching eyes that she wasn’t expecting what I’d said. Annie, however, pushes her hair out of her face, seemingly choosing to stay silent.

“You aren’t required to drop things in your life for me,” I go on. “So, either tell me why you’re absolutely annoyed with the world or get out.”

“Damn, Esme,” Lily whistles.

“I’m just tired, okay?”

“I don’t buy that.”

“I don’t have any desire to talk about it!” She barks back.

“Then do us a favor and stop treating us like shit!”

“Esme really said ‘let’s fight’.”

“Fine,” Annie grumbles.

We sit in silence for a few minutes.

When it feels too awkward to continue like this, I look up at Lily. “I really just hate Ryan for everything he’s done to me at this point.”

“Well, sure, you should be mad.”

“Ever since I left, I just feel like I’m being stared at with an intensity that never hit me before. It’s like they know I’m pregnant!”

Annie snorts. “I don’t think men are that smart, honestly.”

“Do you think if you sat in a room with Ryan, he’d be able to tell you’re pregnant with his kid?”

I shrug, leaning my head back against the couch. “Who knows? He was cheating on me for so long, I don’t even know if he loved me at any point.”

“I mean, he married you,” Lily offers.

“He made a joke out of that marriage. Now I’m sitting here, questioning if I even know what love is.”

“You believe that?” Annie asks, finally sounding like herself.

“Would you believe in love if your husband did this?” I ask, dead-serious.

Annie looks down at her food. “No. I wouldn’t.”

“What about Derek’s kids?” Lily questions, grabbing another container.

“What about them?” I don’t understand the question.

“You care about them, right?”

“Lily, I’m not their dad.”

“No, you just like their dad, and you’ve grown to love his girls.”

It’s not a lie. Any time I spend with Bea and Tris reminds me why I’ve wanted kids in the first place. The curiosity and look on life that they have.

It’s unlike any feeling or sight,

I love the idea of being their stepmom, especially since they are kind to me.

“They have told me they usually don’t like the women Derek brings around. They’re wicked smart, too, like they know any of these women could become their new mom.”

Lily sighs. “That’s very cute and very scary,” she admits.

“Plus, spending time with them does distract me from thinking about the impending and surely long divorce.”

I’m grateful for that, but since the treasure hunt, I haven’t seen them. And I realize, to the churning in my stomach, that I do miss them.

They always make my day better. And here I am, just avoiding them and Derek because of a freak-out I had.

“How did you guys know you had found your person?”

The question is more for Annie since she’s the only one who’s in a committed marriage now. Lily has been with this boyfriend for a while, though.

I just don’t know much about Lily’s guy. She doesn’t bring him around.

And I haven’t seen Annie’s husband more than twice since they got married.

“You both tend to come around without your guys, so it had me wondering.”

Lily shrugs. “I spend plenty of time with my man. He’s talking about moving in with me, and I told him that’s fine so long as I still get to have my girl time.”

I raise a brow. “You don’t want to bring him around?”

“Pedro? No, he and I talked a long time ago about how we care about one another but enjoy our time with our separate people as well.”

“You know, when you’re married, that’s going to be a lot different,” Annie adds.

“Why? Because we’ll be expected to go everywhere together?”

“I go a lot of places with Guillermo, but he likes that I spend time with you guys. He doesn’t want a marriage to keep me from having a life.”

But is that the life I’d want for myself?

“You’re supposed to marry your best friend. You don’t think you shouldn’t bring your guys around more?”

The two look at one another, seeming to have a silent conversation.

“You can do whatever you want, Esme,” Lily replies. “Love doesn’t have any rules besides being there for one another.”

And that makes me wonder if that means I’m cut out for love. Because at this rate, I’m not sure.