Chapter 18

“Oh God, have you even gotten any sleep?” I blurt out shamefully to the tall man before me.

Derek’s face is quite tired, but there’s something else being held back at the same time. Does he have something to tell me? Am I fired?

Dammit, I hate this suspense.

“I was just heading to bed, yes,” Derek answers, still feeling the need to raise his eyebrow at me. “But I heard a noise coming from our shared wall?”

I drop my face to the ground, looking at my bare feet as I try to explain what’s going on.

“Sometimes my anxiety kicks into high gear, and I find little simple coping mechanisms. One of them, sadly, is where I find my hands knocking on a wall every few seconds in a pattern.”

I can feel the heat in my cheeks, hell, in my bones. God, I sound so fucking stupid right now. Derek only knows the hardworking Esme, not this one with a plethora of issues and stressors.

How is he ever going to take me seriously if I’m waking him up in the middle of the night because of an anxiety tick?

“Won’t happen again, sorry!” I rush to say.

To my utter surprise, Derek just turns to leave and starts walking back to his front door.

Wait, no, don’t go, you just got here! The voice in my head screams.

“Actually!” Derek hears me and turns around to stare at me, perplexed. “I…I do have something I wanted to ask you.”

Derek comes back to the door and gestures for me to open it a bit wider so that he may fit.

I let him in, and he walks to my living room couch. His tall frame makes everything seem much smaller in here, and I find that so strange.

“What’s going on?” He questions once he’s settled himself. A look of all business paints his expression, which I definitely didn’t expect at this time of night.

I bite my lower lip, worried about how he’ll interpret this question. Will he hear the worry or even the secrets?

“I was, uh, wondering…how you managed to get custody of Bea and Tris? After the divorce was finalized.”

Every inch of my body is demanding I run away from this conversation. Except, my brain doesn’t give a shit about what my body is thinking or feeling.

I need to know this.

He starts slowly at first. “Custody of my daughters…it wasn’t easy, I can tell you that.”

“I believe that much,” I say as I sit down in a chair facing my neighbor. But I’ve been trying to figure things out about the divorce.”

Derek may not understand what I’m saying, but he goes along like he actually does. “Well, it’s not an easy process, but that’s mostly because you almost never see someone’s true nature until you’re in the middle of trying to divorce them.”

Lovely. “That much I can believe.”

“It’s not just that. Our divorce lasted longer than Tris has been alive. It was a long five years.”

“Wait, what? Five years? She’s only four!” My eyes widen in wild surprise.

Derek shrugs, seeming over how that time made him feel. “Let’s just say a weekend snowed in, and a lot of alcohol was involved.”

The snort I make comes out so fast that I’m surprised by its entrance. I cover my mouth and keep my blue eyes wide against Derek’s neutral face.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know what that was,” I admit.

No, I know what it was, it’s the baby making my hormones fucking everywhere.

Derek touches my arm and slowly lowers it so my face is no longer blocked from view.

As he stares into my eyes with the softest of expressions, I let my anxiety melt just enough that I let myself enjoy the moment briefly.

Though his long black robe covers the majority of his body, I can still sneak peeks at the adonis-like body behind the fabric.

He really is such an attractive man.

“My best advice? Start preparing for a long battle. Be ready with the time, the energy, and the money. I know anxiety isn’t something you can cure with a snap of your fingers, but it can be tamed.”

I turn my head sideways as if to question him.

“Find a way to handle the anxiety. Surround yourself with good people and love, and then, it’ll make everything worth it. Even having one person there who’s willing to help you through the long-term struggles will make all the difference.”

I nod slowly, not sure what to say to that. I appreciate his advice, but the idea of a five-year marathon with Ryan and Melinda makes me sick to my stomach.

“Esme,” Derek interrupts my thoughts, pulling my eyes over to his again.

“Yes?”

“If you need anything, I’m always here. I’m willing to support you through whatever life throws your way.”

My heart actually swells at these words. What an incredibly kindhearted person.

How can someone truly walk away from Derek Anderson?

I give him a small smile, wondering if he sees the normal smile or the sadness behind it.

“Thank you, Derek,” I say honestly. “That helps some of the anxiety.”

He nods once. “That’s what I’m here for. Now, go get some sleep. You’ve got work again tomorrow.”

I can’t help but laugh as my boss stands and exits my apartment. He salutes me before entering his own place, closing the door quietly behind him.

Someone is willing to support me. Annie and Lily were never questioned, but knowing this man that I work for, and respect has been through something similar makes me feel like the anxiety is melting off of my skin.

His words are like a calming pill, and together with some migraine medication, I land back into bed, and for the first time in months, I sleep soundly.

It even feels like one of the happiest dreams I’ve ever been surrounded by.

At the office the next day, I’m busy getting work done everywhere I’m needed. It’s only 11 when Derek calls me into his office to talk with me.

Unsure what there is to talk about at the moment, I just instead start rambling.

“Thanks for yesterday, it was really kind of you to make sure—”

Derek’s hand comes up to stop me, and immediately I obey.

“Don’t worry about it, Esme, truly.” He reached down from his desk and grabbed something before showing it to me on top of his desk.

“Your phone was finished being repaired this morning. Thankfully, we were able to save your data. However, I suggest making sure your work is saved to the cloud daily so we don’t have another fearful incident like this, yes?”

Playful lines stretch his face, and all he needs is two wiggling eyebrows to be right out of a romance novel. But that’s the difference: Derek isn’t my lover, he’s my boss.

I let out a long sigh of relief, taking the phone from Derek with gusto. “This is absolutely amazing that you were able to pull this off! Thank you, Derek, you really saved my ass there.”

He shrugs nonchalantly. “It’s no problem, truly.”

I open my phone up to see what’s what when I realize I have a brand-new screensaver looking back at me.

No longer is it Sammy the cat, but instead, it is the photo of Derek that I’d tried to snap in secret! His smile and the easiness he shows to the girls greet every inch of my face, and I nearly throw the phone on the ground to stop staring at the picture.

“Holy shit!” I screech, mortified and wishing I could melt into a fucking puddle right now.

Why is that picture of Derek standing with Bea and Tris in the pool what greets me?