Chapter 16

Derek sees the panic overtaking me and rests a hand on my shoulder to help calm me. “Esme, breathe, it’s okay.”

I look at him like he suddenly grew two more heads. How can he possibly be telling me to remain calm at a time like this? I’m so screwed!

“I can’t believe it! I can’t believe I’m going to lose everything!”

“Esme,” Derek speaks my name again. “Just take a second.”

He holds out his opposite hand. “Here. Give me the phone. I’ll have it repaired and the data recovered.”

I blanche, not sure how in the hell he’ll be able to do anything remotely like this. I’m going to start hyperventilating now.

But instead of giving him another response, I just give him the phone, shaking from fear and anxiety.

“I’m going to have to ask you for the password as well,” Derek adds.

My mouth opens, but I don’t speak right away. Give him the password to my phone? How do I know he won’t go through the whole device?

And then, I also remember the thing that started it all. The picture I snuck of Derek at the pool.

What if he sees everything on my phone? He doesn’t have to be offering his help, but after what happened at the pool today, I’m not sure what his motivations are toward me.

For all I know, he could hate me behind that exterior.

Knowing there’s nothing more to do, I nod. “It’s 7926.”

I wait, wondering if Derek’s going to put together what the numbers mean. I haven’t had a chance to change it recently, and I guess part of me still holds on to the life that was ripped out from under me.

As if Ryan could come running back to me with a million sorry’s and a time machine.

Derek nods. “7926. Does that mean something?”

Inwardly, I sigh so hard that I almost snort with laughter at his question.

“It…did. Now it doesn’t.”

A raised eyebrow appears, but I refuse to add to what he’s asking.

In truth, I’m just trying to remember all the information stored on the phone. Will Derek be searching through the device before returning it to me? Or, what about looking at my pictures to see if what Natalie said is true?

His eyes move away from mine, and he looks up at the numbers counting down on the screen above us. Derek has never seemed like the type of man to care about gossip. He doesn’t seem overly curious about my private life, either.

Maybe I’m just being paranoid. I mean, I just gave my boss my phone. This holds every aspect of my life now. And aside from the important information for the company, there are also old images that I treasure to this day.

The last thing I want is to lose everything just because of a most likely false narrative forming in my head.

“Will you let me know once you hear about the phone being fixed?” I ask somewhat earnestly.

I don’t know how he’ll be able to get ahold of me without a phone, but I know that most of the time, we’ll either be in the office, or next door to one another.

Derek gives me a small smile and assures me he’ll let me know once everything is settled.

“Thank you,” I say shyly. I wonder if he even heard me at all.

I have to stop overthinking everything. This whole situation has grown to the point of putting multiple people in terrible positions. Now that we’ve dealt with everything, we should be fine, right?

“Don’t overthink,” I tell myself again, watching as the door opens before us.

“And forget about that damn kiss!” My memory seems to shout as well as we enter our respective apartments simultaneously.

A few days later, after a stressful and exhausting rest of the weekend, I’m working in the office after finally getting into a groove.

I’ve only been here for about two hours, but as I’m organizing some materials on my desk and the paperwork online, I suddenly start to feel painfully woozy.

Since when have I gotten dizzy at work? It’s been so long that I’m having trouble conjuring up the memory outside of drinking any alcohol.

Another hour later, while in the middle of a presentation, I end up vomiting into the trashcan in the meeting room.

Shock and concern flood me, and I wonder if I’ve grown sick from the pool incident. That’s just my luck. All I had wanted to do was be a good neighbor and employee.

Now, however, I need help from one of the other people who were sitting in the meeting.

A colleague, Jen, helps me to the bathroom, smiling and whispering her congratulations to me.

“I don’t know what you’re so happy about,” I insist. “Being sick and throwing up at work isn’t exactly ideal, you know.”

Jen shakes her head and lets her dark, cool hair swish from side to side as she looks over at me with something like envy.

“Esme! I’m trying to congratulate you, that’s all!”

“On what? I don’t understand!”

That’s when Jen’s eyes slowly start to understand my confusion. But it doesn’t hit me even with her face changing in that way.

“You’re obviously pregnant! Haven’t you been married for several years at this point? I’m sure you’re both are over the moon with this baby!”

I’m thankful I’m not standing up because if I were, I’d be on the ground waiting for help. To hear someone tell me I’m pregnant is…it’s a cruel joke, right?

I mean, when was the last time I actually had sex? When was the last time I thought about my marriage in a way that involved children?

And worse, what the hell am I going to do with this baby?

“I can’t be pregnant,” I babble, not really making eye contact with her as I start pacing from the sink and down the room before doing the same thing over again.

Here I am with the possibility of a baby, no husband, no house, no true understanding of what it is I can do in my life!

But of all the moments, all the doctor’s appointments and attempts to bare a child finally come to pass. But it’s such a critical moment in my divorce and trying to understand what it is

Derek’s been hiding!

I’m about to start praying to the heavens. Whatever happens, please, do not let me be pregnant! Don’t let the pregnancy test be positive. Don’t let anyone around you know that you’re in a fragile state—”

“For fucks sake,” I end up stating aloud, making Jen turn so quickly I worry her large glasses will slide off her nose. “Really?”

Looks like I have to run to the store after work. But for the first time since Ryan left, I wish I had a man there to help me in the way he could have.

But that was just a dream, right?

For now, I have to buy a pregnancy test and pray it’ll be negative.

Please, please, be negative.