Chapter 176

Logan awoke to the sound of gentle but steady beeping. Blinking, he opened his eyes and gazed up at a tiled drop ceiling. A long fluorescent light seemed to be directly over him and he groaned at the onslaught of brightness.

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Dylan said.

Logan turned his head toward the sound of his friend’s voice. As his vision cleared, he say Dylan sitting in a chair in the corner of this room. Dylan was holding a magazine. He tossed it onto a coffee table as he stood and came nearer Logan’s bedside.

“You’re often an idiot, but this really takes the cake,” Dylan said, his voice low with disapproval and, even if he was trying to hide it, worry. They’d been friends long enough for Logan to know that tone. He didn’t hear it all that often, only when he really fucked up bad.

Dylan was often knee-deep into trouble at Logan’s side. This time, however, Logan was there on his own.

“That guy could have killed you,” Dylan said.

“I guess that league doesn’t believe in weight classes…” Logan said, half-joke, half-groan. His voice was raw from disuse. He had no idea how it landed.

Poorly, from the look of growing displeasure on Dylan’s face.

“Are you trying to off yourself?” Dylan asked. “Do I need to get a psych eval in here?”

“It’s not like that,” Logan said, sobering. Obviously Dylan was not in the mood for jokes.

“Then explain it to me like I’m dumb, Logan… Or should I say, Maximum. God, you are a fucking mess. And to put Hazel through that.”

“She was there?” Logan wasn’t sure that hadn’t been a dream, seeing her.

“She was there alright. She saw all your gruesome highlights. You need a dentist, by the way. Rhino knocked out two of your teeth.”

Logan felt with his tongue, then winced when he felt the missing two teeth. He’d worn a mouth guard. Little good it did against Rhino’s punches. Although, without it, he probably wouldn’t have any teeth at all.

“Shit…” Logan grumbled. He felt like hell, his mind foggy and his muscles aching.

“Hazel told me that you said you didn’t care if you got hurt,” Dylan said. “So again, I ask you. What the hell were you thinking?”

Logan pushed himself up, wanting to be seated for this conversation. Dylan, scoffing, stepped forward to help him rearrange the pillows. Then he stepped back and fixed Logan with a fierce, accusing stare.

“I needed to feel like I was actually accomplishing something,” Logan said. “On my own. Without my grandfather. Without… Tina… Or any of the rest. I had to prove to myself that I can do what I set my mind to do.”

Crossing his arms, Dylan looked back. “So I guessed right. This does have to do with your grandfather…”

“I’m constantly at my grandfather’s whims, and now Tina’s…” Logan shook his head. “I am my own man, damn it.”

“So you rushed into a fistfight,” Dylan said.

“Sometimes I feel like I’m not in control of my own life anymore,” Logan said. “I needed this, Dylan. Don’t you see? I needed the win.”

“Even at the cost of your health and safety.”

“Yes,” Logan said. “None of that mattered, so long as I could feel in control of myself, even if only for a few minutes.”

“And you couldn’t tell that to Hazel?” Dylan asked.

“She wouldn’t understand. She’d blame herself and try to fix it for me. I couldn’t let her do that. My intention was to never really let her find out the when and where. I can’t believe she was there. Did you bring her?”

Logan sharpened his gaze, studying his friend.

“Hell, no, I didn’t,” Dylan said. “Apparently one of her friends is dating a boxer and thought it would be a good idea to show Hazel what you could be getting yourself into, joining an amateur league. I just happened to be there.”

“You gambling again?”

“Nothing major,” Dylan said.

Logan rubbed his forehead. “I imagine Hazel is upset.”

“Upset is an understatement,” Dylan said. “Pissed and worried as all hell is more apt. Frankly, I’m pissed too. I get wanting to keep Hazel in the dark, but why not tell me? You had to know you might not walk out of this, and you still chose to go alone.”

“I’ve been a shitty friend…” Logan said.

“That doesn’t mean that I would be, asshole,” Dylan said.

Logan couldn’t argue with that. “Sorry…”

“Save your apologies for your wife. You’re going to need them. Just call me next time.”

“You would have tried to talk me out of it.”

“Yeah. But if I couldn’t, I would have been there anyway. That’s what friends do.”

Logan had been an asshole to his friend, even in trying to be kind in giving him a wide berth. He wouldn’t apologize again. As Dylan said, he’d likely need those for Hazel. But he would make sure to do better in the future.

“Can I assume Maximum has retired? Or do I have to start clearing my schedule?” Dylan asked.

Logan felt rattled down to his bones. He never wanted to get hit like that again.

“Retired,” Logan said.

I stood just outside the door. I hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but when I returned from the coffee bar, two cups in hand, I had caught a bit of their talking and froze.

Now that they’d mostly finished, I still couldn’t go in, not wanting to face either of them. I was embarrassed for eavesdropping, but more, my heart was breaking for Logan.

His grandfather and Tina had made him feel like he had lost control of his life, and I had done so little to help him that he pushed me away rather than tell me the truth.

It stung. With Logan, I wanted to be someone he could depend on, but it seemed I was ever just a burden.

After all, wasn’t I the main source of all of this frustration? If Logan had a… high society woman at his side, one he actually liked, everything would be easier for him. If his grandfather approved, maybe he would hand over the keys to the company without breathing down Logan’s neck so hard.

Hearing Logan talk, it was clear he was near his breaking point. If I stayed, and Logan continued to defend our marriage, then he would have to eventually break ties with his grandfather. That much was clear. Tina was a Band-Aid fix, but even she was stressing Logan.

Sooner or later, Logan was going to call it quits on the ruse.

He would sacrifice everything he had worked so hard for.

For what? For me?

I couldn’t let him do that. Maybe I wasn’t helping Logan feel more in control right now, but I could still be his savior in the end.

I just had to leave him.

Tears welled in my eyes. I bit back a sob, yet the jolt still shifted through my body. I dropped one of the coffee cups. It was paper so it didn’t shatter. But it still made a huge mess.

“Oh, God, I’m so sorry,” I said to a nearby nurse.

“It’s alright. It happens.” She looked at me. “Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine.” I blinked and tears fell. “I get some paper towels from the bathroom!”

“That’s not necessary!” the nurse called, but I had already turned away.

I started running.

“Hazel?” Dylan called from the doorway.

I didn’t stop. I didn’t slow.

I knew what I had to do but I couldn’t face it, not yet.

I couldn’t face him. Because I knew, the next time I saw Logan, it would be to say goodbye.