Chapter 184

Grace

Frustration gnawed at me. I stared at the blinking cursor on my screen, wishing that it would move. Words would appear, fill up the page and then I'd be free. My dissertation had been so slow-coming that it felt a bit like I'd never get it done. The words that should have been easy-coming weren't even buzzing in the back of my mind.

I pushed back with a cry of frustration. This was my life's work, essentially. I knew the science in and out, yet I couldn't get it all on the page. Part of me knew why: it was too damn expensive to be useful. We were stuck on the re-synthesization of it. I almost wised Jackson hadn't decided to be such an ass and kept his mouth shut. Even if he knew nothing about magical medicines, four heads had to be better than three. As long as it was this expensive, there was no way that I could ever even humor defending it seriously, let alone presenting it.

What good was the drug unless it was accessible to everyone? Sure, it would make Wolfe Medical a lot of medicine if I just put it out as it was, but that wasn’t what Wolfe Medical did. Aside from that, I could already hear the panel tearing me to shreds for an essentially unviable product.

A shrill chirp startled me from my pity party. My phone blinked with a birthday reminder for Cecil. She’d be turning five in just a few weeks. A pang of guilt stabbed at me. How could I be so consumed by research, by politics, by the weight of the world when my daughter’s birthday was getting so close? It would be the last year before she was wrapped up in school and other people. It would be the last year she and I could really celebrate the way we used to.

And I wouldn’t even get to have the birthday party I wanted for her. I let out a sigh, getting a bit irritated at the thought. How could cake and ice cream at home compare to going to the castle? She was already making her wish list, and that included Devin, of all things, and that was something I couldn’t ever give her.

I huffed. She’d seemed just fine with it before. If Charles hadn’t mentioned the castle, she would have never thought about it. What was worse, was that Charles had outright promised her everything on that list. He had plans that were so much bigger than anything I could plan between the kids she’d met at the fair, or whatever Charles called it, and everything else. Was it even a good idea to take her to the castle? Weren’t there My phone chirped again, and I saw a message from Eason.

My Science Queen senses are tingling. Stop being an asshole.

My jaw dropped, and I texted back. I am not being an asshole.

The reply came just seconds later. It’s about Cecil’s birthday.

I grimaced. How had he known what I was thinking about? Was that a magic thing or just… Eason? No, it’s not.

Liar. I set up the notification, and I know you. Stop being an asshole. Just because you don’t have any friends doesn’t mean you can use your kids as an emotional crutch. If you try to keep Cecil from being a Princess Raider with her new friends, I’m firing you from the family.

I glowered at my phone. I’m not an asshole, and I do have friends.

You are, actually. And you really don’t.

I hit the call button. “You’re being an asshole.”

“Maybe, but I’m much better at it than you.”

I growled. “You’re the worst little brother.”

“I’m the best, actually. I keep you from doing stupid shit and help you fix your mistakes. I could not. Really would free up some time in my calendar.”

I huffed. “And that’s why you’re still not getting any.”

“Ah, Science Queen, that is where you’re wrong. I’m not getting any for my health. You’re being an asshole because of your pride.”

“My pride?” I asked.

He sighed. “Fine. We’re doing this—”

“Eason—”

“You’ve never had to go out and make friends,” Eason said. “Everyone has always wanted to be in your good graces, and now that you’ve fucked up, pushed everyone away, and so on, not only do you not know how to make friends, but you also don’t have any left from high school or college.”

I set my jaw and slumped in my seat. My eyes burned. “I hate you.”

“Love you, too, buttercup,” Eason said.

“And you?” I asked. “You don’t have any friends.”

He snorted. “I have a stupid number of friends, Grace. I can’t even begin to explain how I juggle all of them…How’s your dissertation coming?”

“How did you know I was working on it?”

“Because I know you,” he sighed. “You go into these spirals when you want to distract yourself. And every time you try to distract yourself, you usually end up being an asshole. Consider a doodle break, and pump your breaks on fretting about the patent situation.”

My shoulders slumped. “I hate you.”

“Love you, too. You want to dictate?”

I sniffled. My eyes burned. Tears welled in my eyes as if from nowhere. That wasn’t fair. I knew exactly where these tears were coming from, and I hated it even more. What the hell was wrong with me?

“Later,” I confessed. “I… I need to… struggle a bit more.”

“Should I get you a hair shirt and a whip too?”

I laughed “I don’t even know what a hair shirt is.”

“That’s because you only read science journals,” he said. “Better?”

I sniffled. “A little… You’re still an asshole.”

“That’s not going to change any time soon. What’s eating you?”

“I can’t defend this project,” I said. “It’s… It’s unfeasible.”

“The synthesis?”

“Yeah. I just… I feel like it’s right there, but I can’t get to it.”

“You do your best thinking after and during doodle breaks.”

“I don’t have time for a doodle break.”

He scoffed. “No, just an asshole break.”

I winced. “Touche.”

“I’ll give you half an hour more of self-torment before I come in there. Use it wisely.”

“You just want to type.”

He snorted. “Not on your crappy laptop. This is a service of love and kindness, brat. Half an hour.”

I hung up, glowering at the phone. I shook my head, thinking back. He used to call me like this when I was in college. Somehow, he always knew when I was spiraling. I wondered, for a moment, if he’d reached for the phone to call me in the years after I’d kicked him out of Mooncrest and Devin had deleted his profile.

Had he even had a phone? Had he just stopped himself out of anger?

I shook my head and looked back at the screen. I clicked out of my dissertation document and went scrolling through the information I’d submitted to the paten board. The information was all there. We’d even left space for an updated version of the drug that would be cheaper to create.

I knew it was there. I was hitting a wall. We all were, but I didn’t know how to get through it.

I sat back and reached for a piece of paper and a pen. To hell with it. A doodle break was happening. Then, my phone chimed again with another notification as if the universe was conspiring against me.

This one was about the arraignment happening in three days. I set my pen and paper down and leaned forward. My head felt like it was buzzing with all the stress.

Maybe I could work on my defense, but that only made the buzzing worse. I looked at the pen and paper, but the will to doodle, draw, or do much of anything was gone. The pages of the submission looked back at me and felt distant.

I knew this feeling. I wasn’t going to make it to thirty minutes of struggling. My brain had already tapped out from all the stress. I felt guilty at the thought of getting up and leaving my work not even half way finished.

“Chasing a whispered dream…” I frowned, sitting up at the rich, warm voice drifting into my ears. “Braced in moonlit stone…”

The melody was unfamiliar yet strangely evocative and alluring. The voice was so rich and warm, but I didn’t recognize the singer. It sounded like something Eason might have listened to back in high school when he was studying. The notes swirled around me.

Curiosity pulled me out of my seat. I followed the sound, expecting to head toward Eason’s room or the room he was using as an office, but I was headed toward Richard’s room. I heard his babbling and content cooing as I grew closer.

Hesitantly, I pushed open the door, and the sight that greeted me warmed and relaxed me in a way I couldn’t explain. Charles was standing beside the changing table, sliding Richard’s feet into his footed onesie. He scooped Richard into his arms and turned, still singing.

“And stardust swirling around…”