Chapter 18

Nicholas’s POV

The name had escaped my lips before I could stop it. Esther.

But the woman who turned was not her.

Not the stubborn, pale-faced mate who haunted my nights. Not the one whose scent I could never forget, no matter how I tried.

She was just a stranger—another patient, frail and wide-eyed, shrinking under my stare as if my disappointment itself were a blade.

The fire that had surged in me, that mad hope, drained all at once. My chest hollowed, leaving only ashes.

I muttered under my breath, unable to silence the thought clawing through me. “So… she really is dead.”

The words tasted like blood.

For a moment, I let myself imagine it again: her broken body at the bottom of that ravine, her eyes closed, her lips pale. The dream had replayed so many times it felt carved into my skull.

Norman snarled in my mind, restless, refusing to accept it. She’s not gone. I can still feel her. Don’t you dare bury her in your grief.

But I shook my head, turning away from the stranger. The weight of my own failures pressed down heavier than my crown ever had.

“Alpha King,” Dan’s voice cut in, urgent. He came at a half-run, his face taut. “We’ve had word. Someone saw a woman—familiar features, moving quickly near the east courtyard. She matches Esther’s description.”

My heart stuttered, then kicked into a sprint.

Without another word, I strode past him, the air thick with possibility, terror, and a hunger I couldn’t name. If there was even the faintest chance… I would tear this pack apart stone by stone to find her.

Esther’s POV

The silence after Nicholas’s footsteps faded felt louder than thunder.

I pushed carefully at the wooden slats above me, then crawled out of the narrow locker beneath the stairs. My limbs ached, cramped from being pressed in the dark, but I didn’t care.

I had hidden just in time. Had I been a second slower, Nicholas would have seen me. His scent had filled the corridor so strongly I’d nearly choked on it, and for a terrifying moment I thought my heart would betray me, pounding loud enough for him to hear.

Now, though, they were gone. Nicholas and his ever-watchful Beta.

I leaned back against the wall, clutching my stomach. Relief coursed through me like cool water. The twins shifted faintly, reminding me of their fragile presence.

But relief wasn’t the only thing stirring inside me.

I remembered Nicholas’s voice, low and rough. She really is dead?

Why would he say that? His tone hadn’t been cruel or mocking—it had been raw, pained, almost broken.

My thoughts tangled like vines. Nicholas hated me. He had made it clear enough. He had shackled me, humiliated me, told me again and again that I was nothing but a criminal. If he despised me so much, why would he grieve my death?

Did he… still care? Somewhere, buried under the hatred and cruelty, was there a flicker of the man I once thought I could love?

A dangerous hope whispered through me, even as I tried to smother it.

I told myself I only wanted what was best for my children. They deserved a father. They deserved protection and a place in this world. But the truth stung—I wanted Nicholas to look at me and not see a prisoner. I wanted him to see me.

Maybe… maybe I’d been wrong before. Maybe the ones who had chased me weren’t his men. Maybe I’d misread everything in my fear.

Shaken, I found Kevin waiting at the end of the corridor, his brows drawn.

“I want to talk to Nicholas,” I blurted out before I could lose my nerve.

His eyes hardened immediately. “No.”

“Kevin—”

“You can’t trust him,” he cut me off, his voice firm as iron. “He will never forgive what he thinks you did. Even if, by some miracle, he agreed to take you back, do you think anyone else would welcome you? The pack would tear you and your children apart before they drew their first breath.”

I bit my lip, torn. His words struck deep, but still the pull inside me burned. “The children need a father,” I whispered. “And once… once I did love him.”

“Just because he helped bring these children into the world doesn’t mean he will be a good father to him. Think of how he has treated you for so long. This is a big decision, Esther, one that might change the outcome of your life and the life of your children. Are you sure you want to do this?”

I hesitated, but I knew the answer already. “Yes. I need to speak with him, one last time at least.”

Kevin’s gaze flickered, shadowed with something I couldn’t name. He muttered, “Be careful what you wish for.”

I didn’t answer. I started to head down the hall, but Kevin slammed the door shut before me, trapping us both in the room.

“Don’t,” he said, his eyebrows furrowed. “Think about it a little more, please. Nicholas is dangerous and impulsive. He always has been. What do you think is going to happen if you face off against him now, after you have defied him?”

“I don’t know. For the sake of my children, I want to find out.” I tried to move his arm, but he held strong.

He wasn’t going to let me out of this room.

“I can’t let you do something like this. You ran away from him for a reason. Remind yourself what that was,” Kevin said, his voice growing tense.

In a way, I understood his worry. Nicholas has done nothing but beat me down for a long time. He delighted in my pain and enjoyed my sorrow.

He also sounded tormented by the idea that I was dead.

Some part of him was sad that I was gone. A part of him mourned for me. I wanted to see that part.

“I remember. I remember all the awful things that have happened to me. I could never forget. But there was also a time when I trusted and loved that man. If there is any part of him that cares for me, I want to know.”

With that, I pushed by him and left the room.

My feet carried me down the hall, toward the courtyard where I’d last heard Nicholas’s voice.

I turned a corner and froze.

There he was.

Nicholas stood beneath the stone archway, tall and severe, his dark hair shadowing his eyes. Across from him, Amanda lingered close, her gown a calculated mix of elegance and allure.

Their voices drifted toward me, low but sharp enough to cut.

Amanda’s tone was honeyed, but her words were daggers. “The pack is in chaos because of her. The elders came to me—they’re begging you to return to your duties, to put an end to the rumors.”

Nicholas’s jaw tightened, his expression reluctant, even weary.

Amanda leaned closer, her voice sharper now. “Why are you so obsessed with finding her? Do you want her back? Do you actually want that slave as your mate?”

The silence stretched, long enough to twist my insides.

Then Nicholas’s voice came, cold and final. “No. I just need to confirm whether my children are alive.”

The words struck harder than any whip.

Air left my lungs in a painful rush, as though the floor had given way beneath me.

So that was all.

Not me. Not Esther, the mate he once kissed, the woman who had bled under his cruelty and still—still—hoped for a scrap of warmth.

Only the children.

Only heirs to his crown.

My chest burned. Fool. I had let myself imagine more. I had let the echo of his grief stir hope in me.

But his answer had crushed it completely.

My hand drifted to my stomach, protective instinct flaring. Whatever fragile longing I’d felt shriveled. He didn’t care about me. He never would.

And with that bitter certainty, I dismissed the dangerous thought of telling him I was alive.

Better to remain a ghost. Better to hide in shadows than let him chain me again.