Chapter 3
"Luna, Let's go check out the farmers market," Maverick suggested at the breakfast table.
"Perfect idea!" Knox patted my shoulder. "Scarlett was just saying yesterday how she wanted to experience Portland's local culture."
Scarlett sat across from me, wearing that signature bright smile of hers. "Yeah, I heard there are lots of interesting handcrafts and local food there. Luna, you must know which stalls are the best, right?"
'Here she goes again.' Every time Scarlett asked me about Portland, it somehow turned into her lecturing me on how to "properly" enjoy the city.
"I don't really go there much," I said honestly.
"Luna always avoids crowded places," Scarlett said with a hint of reproach. "But how can that work? Life requires getting out there and experiencing things."
I avoid crowded places not because I have social anxiety, but because I am uncertain when my anxiety might manifest in such situations.
"I think this is a perfect opportunity," Scarlett said, crossing her hands on the table and looking at me like a therapist. "Luna, you can't always hide in the library. I fell in love with Portland's energy the moment I got here. You should learn to appreciate the energy of crowds."
"Scarlett's right," Knox nodded in agreement.
I wanted to explain, to tell them this wasn't making excuses but genuine fear I couldn't control. But looking at their four expectant pairs of eyes, I finally just nodded.
"Okay."
Sitting in the back seat of Maverick's car, I tried to calm myself down. The scenery outside flashed by quickly, but my heartbeat kept accelerating.
"Luna, you look nervous," Scarlett shifted in her seat to face me, her tone carrying a condescending kind of concern. "Relax, it's just a market."
"Exactly," Jett turned back from the passenger seat. "It's not like you have to perform or anything. Just walk around, look at stuff, buy some things."
"I think Luna might have some social anxiety," Scarlett said thoughtfully, as if I wasn't there. "I had a roommate like that once. She got better after some training."
"Training?" Knox asked.
"Just forcing yourself to go to crowded places and gradually adapting. Avoidance only makes the fear worse."
I looked at Scarlett, her words stirring up an inexplicable anger in me. She'd known me for just a few days and was already diagnosing me?
"I don't have social anxiety," I said, my voice sharper than intended.
"Of course, I'm not saying you're sick," Scarlett raised her hands innocently. "I'm just saying you need more practice interacting with people. That's good for everyone."
"She has a point," Maverick looked at me through the rearview mirror. "Luna, you really do need to get out more. You can't always stay locked in your comfort zone."
I bit my lip and didn't respond. The car turned into the market parking lot, and through the window, I saw the dense crowd of people. My heart started racing uncontrollably.
The farmers market was even more crowded than I remembered.
Music, vendors calling out, conversations all mixed together into a suffocating wall of sound. I followed behind the three brothers, trying to control my breathing.
"Look at this!" Scarlett excitedly pointed at a handmade jewelry stall. "These earrings are beautiful! Luna, what do you think of this blue pair?"
I forced myself to glance over. The earrings were indeed beautiful, but right now my attention was completely occupied by the pushing crowd around me. Someone bumped my arm and I nearly lost my balance.
"I think... they're nice," my voice sounded distant.
"Are you okay?" Knox noticed something was wrong. "You look really pale."
"I feel a bit uncomfortable," I said honestly. "Can we go back?"
The three brothers exchanged a look—that look I knew too well, the warning that their patience was running out.
"Here we go again," Jett sighed. "Luna, you can't run away every time there are crowds."
"I'm not running away," I protested weakly.
"Scarlett's right, you need to face your fears to grow," Maverick's tone carried unquestionable determination. "We can't abandon this activity because of your psychological issues."
'Psychological issues.' The words hit me like a slap across the face.
"Look at Scarlett," Knox pointed to her happily browsing. "See how much she enjoys this lively atmosphere? You should learn from her attitude."
Hearing herself mentioned, Scarlett turned around. "Luna, take deep breaths. Try to feel the energy around you instead of resisting it. Sometimes we need to force ourselves out of our comfort zones."
My hands started shaking. The sounds around me got louder, the crowd denser. I felt like I could barely breathe.
"I really can't do this," my voice cracked. "Please let me go sit in the car for a while."
Maverick shot a look at his brothers, his jaw tight with annoyance.
"Fine," Maverick handed me the car keys. "Go rest in the car."
Sitting in the car, I could finally breathe normally. But looking through the window, I saw something that broke my heart.
Without me, they became much more relaxed and carefree. Knox was mimicking something, making Jett laugh out loud. Maverick walked alongside Scarlett, and she pointed at various stalls while he nodded and smiled. They looked... happy. Genuinely happy.
'I've been their burden all along. They're happier without me.'
Watching their four figures disappear into the crowd, I suddenly understood something. I wasn't an indispensable part of their lives.
About an hour later, Scarlett came back to the car alone.
"Feeling better?" she sat beside me, her voice gentle like she was coaxing a child.
"Mm-hmm," I didn't look at her.
"Luna, I want to talk to you," she turned toward me, her expression becoming serious. "I know you felt uncomfortable back there, but have you ever thought about how the three of them are so outgoing and lively, and you always being like this makes them feel constrained?"
I whipped my head around to look at her. "What do you mean?"
"I don't mean to criticize you," she raised her hands. "I'm just thinking... you're friends, right? Friends should accommodate each other, but that accommodation should be mutual."
My lips started trembling.
"I don't mean to be like this, I just..."
"I know you don't mean to," Scarlett interrupted me. "But intentions and results are two different things. Think about it—how many interesting activities have they missed to accommodate your feelings? They never complain, but that doesn't mean they don't mind."
Her words stabbed into my heart like daggers.
"Luna, you really should try to change yourself a bit," her voice became even softer, but each word hit like a hammer. "For them, and for your friendship."
"This is where I want to help you," Scarlett smiled, but that smile made me feel cold. "They're so outstanding, they deserve a friend who can keep up with their pace, don't you think?"
I looked at her, this girl who had changed the three brothers' attitude toward me dramatically in just a few days. She had everything I didn't—confidence, vitality, adaptability. She was the type of friend they wanted.
And I was just the burden they kept out of habit.
When the three brothers returned to the car, their laughter continued. I sat in the back seat, listening to them discuss the interesting stalls they'd seen, sharing the happy moments I hadn't been part of.
I began to wonder—was this friendship still worth me clinging to so humbly? Or should the question be: did this friendship still have any value to them?
