Chapter 144

The victory feast felt like a nightmare dressed up as a celebration.

Blood Moon's great hall looked like a fairy tale come to life. Golden silk banners hung from every beam. Tables groaned under enough food to feed everyone. All the guests in attendance were decked out in their finest clothes. Fresh flowers were everywhere.

It was the kind of event most Lunas would be proud to present. But I found myself struggling to get into a celebratory mood.

The whole pack buzzed with excitement. Not just because we'd finally gotten rid of Giana and the Rogue King, but because they'd all decided this meant Raymond and I were back together. A happy ending to close out the fairy tale.

I stood next to Raymond at the head table, wearing a deep blue gown that I was told “beautifully complemented his formal Alpha attire." We looked picture-perfect. United Alpha and Luna, presenting strength and harmony to our people.

I couldn’t help but cringe at how that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Mrs. Henderson practically sprinted over from the kitchens. Her face could've lit up the entire territory. Those weathered hands of hers grabbed mine like I was her long-lost daughter.

"Luna Aurora! We're all so thrilled you're back where you belong! Things feel normal again with you and the Alpha together."

I forced my mouth into what hopefully passed for a smile. "Thank you, Mrs. Henderson."

I wanted to compliment the feast, but my throat felt bone-dry. The words just wouldn't come.

She practically glowed as she hurried away. No doubt she'd spend the next hour telling people how "radiant" I looked. I was left standing there with that sick feeling you get when you know you're about to disappoint someone.

All evening, pack members kept coming up to me. Same conversation, different faces. Their joy was real—you could see it lighting them up from inside as they talked about my "reconciliation" with Raymond.

Elder Morrison appeared next, satisfaction radiating from every pore. "Wonderful seeing you both working together. The pack needs strong, unified leadership."

His wife nodded eagerly. "Nothing beats having our proper Alpha and Luna back in their rightful places."

Each comment felt like someone driving nails into my chest. These people had survived months of chaos. They'd watched Raymond act completely unhinged under magical influence while I was pushed out of my position. Now they saw exactly what they desperately needed to see—their leaders reunited, their pack whole, their future secure.

I nodded and smiled and thanked them. All while feeling like the world's biggest liar.

Raymond handled the crowd like a natural. He thanked people with real warmth, accepted congratulations gracefully, talked to pack members about their concerns. Even acknowledged their losses with genuine compassion.

But he kept watching me. Those sharp eyes cataloged every stiff smile, every tense shoulder, every brittle response. He'd always been too good at reading people—especially me.

The worst part? I couldn't correct anyone's assumptions. Not here, not when everyone looked so genuinely happy about what they thought was happening. These people had been through hell and back. How could I destroy their joy by explaining their hopes were built on sand?

So I kept performing while my stomach twisted itself into knots that would make sailors jealous.

Halfway through the feast, I cracked. The endless congratulations about a relationship that only existed in their heads started choking me. Chest tight, hands shaking, walls closing in from every direction.

This performance was harder than any battle I'd ever fought.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to Raymond, pushing back from my chair. "I need to rest. Headache. Please, keep celebrating."

"Aurora, wait—" Raymond called, but I was already making a beeline for the exit. Needed air. Space. Silence.

My chambers felt like diving into cool water after hours in desert heat. I sank onto the window seat and dropped my fake smile. All those expectations? They crushed down on me until I could barely breathe.

Moon Goddess, they all really craved that perfect fairy tale ending. The practically arranged marriage that bloomed into true love through trials and hardship. Alpha and Luna conquering every obstacle to find happiness together.

After everything I’d been through, I couldn’t help but feel like fairy tale endings weren’t meant for someone like me.

A soft knock interrupted my spiral. Raymond appeared in the doorway looking worried. He'd ditched his formal Alpha attire, and that polished public face was completely gone.

"Aurora, what's wrong?" Real concern threaded through his voice. This wasn't his Alpha-in-public voice. This was the boy who used to worry when I skinned my knees.

How do you crush someone gently? "Everyone assumes we're... that we've fixed things. But honestly? I'm feel completely lost right now."

Each word scraped like broken glass coming out. Here I was, disappointing people I genuinely cared about—people just wanted their world to make sense again.

Raymond crept closer like he thought I might bolt. "Things will be different this time, Aurora. Better. I promise."

His honesty twisted the knife deeper. Here was Raymond being absolutely perfect—sweet, considerate, actually putting my feelings first. He wasn't making demands or throwing his Alpha weight around. Just... hoping. Asking nicely for what he used to take for granted.

"Just stay and give us a shot," he said, settling across from me with hope lighting up his whole face. "We can fix what got broken. Make something stronger than before."

The truth sat heavy on my tongue. You can't rebuild something that was never real to begin with. Someone else owned every piece of my heart.

What came out instead was, "I guess we could try."

The lie burned going down. I was basically handing him false hope while dodging the real conversation—all because I couldn't bear to hurt him, to hurt everyone.

You could literally watch the relief wash over him. His shoulders sagged, his whole face lit up, and he practically melted forward like I'd just removed a mountain from his back.

"Thank you," he breathed out, voice all rough with gratitude. "I know I screwed everything up while Giana had her claws in me. But I'll earn this back, Aurora. I promise."

He got up and pressed a soft kiss to my cheek—meant to be sweet and grateful. Should've melted my heart, right? Instead it felt all wrong. His lips were warm enough, but I felt absolutely nothing except guilt gnawing at my stomach.

He left whispering promises about patience and earning my love back properly. I stayed hunched on the window seat, fingers tracing where he'd kissed me.

The contact had been perfectly pleasant. Perfectly appropriate. Perfectly... dead.

Nothing like the electric shock I felt with Kane. Nothing like how my whole body came alive when he touched me, like every nerve had been specifically designed for his hands. Nothing like how Kane's presence could electrify a room and make me feel both completely safe and wildly alive.

The comparison was inevitable. Devastating too.

How could I build a marriage with Raymond when Kane's name was carved into my heart? How could I pretend contentment when I knew what real passion felt like? How could I accept gentle affection when I'd tasted the kind of love that made everything else feel like cardboard?

But Kane had left. Returned to his territory to sort out his own mess, without any real idea of when he'd be back. Maybe he had the right idea—duty first, feelings later. Maybe I should follow that example.

Maybe comfortable companionship beat gambling everything on a love that might shatter the second real politics got involved.

My brain wouldn't shut up until exhaustion finally won. Even then, my dreams betrayed me—all brown eyes and careful touches, that voice promising to become the man I deserved.

Dreams that made facing reality feel like swallowing glass.