Chapter 63

Renee’s POV

The more I try to distance myself from Eric, the more agitated we all get.

Eric notices I’ve put up a wall which makes him rigid, my own inner wolf is protesting causing me to get frustrated at myself but then take it out on Eric as he tries to knock down my walls. Even Debbie picks up on this shift and has become tense around us.

Which is why we’re all sitting in opposite ends of the house in dead silence.

Debbie is upstairs playing with her dolls while Eric is in the home gym working out, and I’m seated in the sunroom trying to get some drawing done.

The only sound is the occasional clanging of metal weights as Eric finishes a set.

Though I’m trying to immerse myself with my surrounding views and draw in inspiration from the thawing winter and meeting spring, I find myself too focused on the timely rythmn that Eric is on as he works out.

Silence for twenty seconds which means he in the middle of a rep, the dropping of the weight is one loud thud, a couple seconds if silence, a few more seconds of shuffling, re-racking, silence and repeat.

I forcibly pull myself into my views and take in the vast woods set out before me, leaves blooming bright and green on the trees with sprinkles of lilac and yellow below them in the fields. Occasionally a blue jay soars by.

I look at my drawing book. Blank.

I wanted to come out here to conjure up some summer ideas as nature always sparks something in me, but all I can think about is how Eric probably looks with sweat rolling down the swell of his muscles. I get hot at just the thought of it and close my notebook.

I need some water.

I shuffle across the gray tile until I come to the kitchen. Just below me is where Eric is. I wonder if he can hear my foot steps. I wonder if he’s looking up at the ceiling trying to find exactly where I’m standing.

Though it’s likely he’s wearing headphones, I play my own game with him.

I tip toe over to the fridge, trying to avoid putting any pressure on the floor.

Except for a few creeks I manage to get across the kitchen in silence. Then, I stomp around opening the cupboards and forgo any carefulness in trying to be quiet. Once my glass is filled, I slow my movements again and stride back to the sunroom door.

I picture his face confused as he wonders how I moved around so quietly. I like to think that maybe he’s thinking about me, payback for him constantly consuming my thoughts as if lately.

Back in the sunroom I curl up on the velvety royal blue loveseat and try to let nature speak to me.

I close my eyes, take a deep breath in, relax my shoulders, and exhale.

Then a blood curling scream cuts through the silence and pierces my ears.

I shoot my eyes open and jump up from my seat. Debbie.

My notebook and coloring pencils scatter across the food and I run to the bottom of the stairs.

I pass by the basement just as Eric swings the door open.

“What happened?” He asks in a panic.

“I don’t know,” I tell him. We both practically topple over one another as re race to the top of the stairs. Once we reach the landing we hear Debbie cry out for us. She’s in our bedroom.

We push open the door and instantly see Debbie on the floor clutching her arm.

“I fell,” she says her face twisted up in pain. I’ve seen this happen before, just not in a long time. I race over to her and fall to my knees.

“Where does it hurt?” I ask, falling back into my old ways of how I used to check how severe the damage is. Eric comes to stand behind us. Though I can’t see him, I know he’s at a lost. He’s never seen Debbie like this before.

I just can’t believe it. She was doing so well.

“Just kidding!” Debbie shoots and jumps up. Before either of us have time to react, we hear the door slam shut behind us and then something click.

Eric and I glance at one another. “Debbie?” I ask confused. I go to open the door but it won’t budge. The knob won’t even turn. “Debbie what are you doing?” I ask.

“Now you two are stuck!” Debbie yells through the closed door.

Eric lets out an annoyed sigh. “Open this door; Debbie. We don’t have time to play games right now,”

“No!” Debbie protests. I try the knob again once more, and as expected it won’t move.

“I’m not opening this door until you two make up and decided to be together forever,” Debbie demands.

Eric and I look again at one another, something softens in Eric’s eyes. “Fine. We promise. Happy?” Eric says and even I can tell he doesn’t mean it.

“I’m not that dumb,” Debbie argues.

“We know you’re not sweetie,” I chime in trying to sound friendly. Maybe we can have a good cop bad cop kind of thing going on here. “But you can’t leave us locked in here, it’s not right,” I tell her.

“What’s not right is that you two refuse to make us an official family again,” Debbie declares and for a moment I’m grateful this door separates us so she can’t see how my face falls. I wish I could tell her it’s not that simple, that she doesn’t understand- but maybe it can be that simple.

I look at Eric and he just looks annoyed. I doubt he even wants us together.

Just then we hear footsteps descending.

“Debbie?” I call for her, but no reply.

“Debbie!” Eric shoots loud enough to hurt my eardrums. No answer. She’s gone.

Eric laughs but I know he doesn’t find this amusing.

“You could knock down the door,” I mention. Eric sizes up the frame and shrugs.

“Probably,” he says but he doesn’t move.

I watch him for a moment. His skin is shiny from his sweat and his natural scent is heightened causing my head to tingle. He’s in a ripped forest green tank top and black gym shorts. He’s tall and broad, his hair dark, curling at the nape of his neck. He turns towards me and I quickly look away.

“Why do you always push me away?” Eric asks. I think about defending myself, but I don’t. He’s right that is exactly what I’m doing.

“You did it first,” I say, referring to our marriage years before. Eric pulls back like my comment stung.

“I didn’t know what I was doing,” Eric admits and I eye him trying to find his smugness in his reply as though to say he was completely innocent, not to be blamed- instead I find that he’s being sincere. He brings his hand to the back of his neck and looks down at his feet. “The second I thought you were dead I realized my mistake,”

His words cause my voice to get lodged in my throat. I look at the door, wondering if Debbie is somehow still listening. I move away just in case.

“Well,” I say moving to the other side of the room. “What’s done is done,” I tell him. “No need to harp on the past because even though I didn’t really die, we don’t have to force something you so obviously didn’t want,”

I know I might sound bitter, maybe resentful, and still holding onto a grudge- but the truth is I don’t want to get hurt like that again. I can’t get hurt like that again.

“We could take our daughters advice,” he says. I laugh. “Eric you know as much as I do our relationship is far to complicated to just say well be together and then live happily ever after,” I say making the whole thing sound ridiculous, which it is.

Eric takes a few slow steps towards me, I straighten my stance. “Are you saying there’s no chance for us?” Eric asks in a low voice. I watch his lips as he speaks and when he finishes talking, I’m left with a burning desire for him to keep speaking.

“I don’t know,” I tell him- mostly because I can’t seem to focus or think straight. Eric puts one hand up on the wall semi blocking me in.

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot,” he says and I’m not sure what to make of it, all I know is he’s been on my mind a lot too. I nod because my throat is dry.

Eric takes his knuckles and tilts my chin so our eyes meet.

“I always knew you were my wife. That you were mine,” he tells me. I nod again, my lips part and before I can speak his lips are against mine. “I knew you were in my house when I came home drunk,” Eric says and I don’t answer, I can’t. My lips are too busy exploring his. Rediscovering his tongue and his touch.

His hands slide over me, each part that he touches lights up sending an electric shock through my body.

I jolt in response to his touch my hip tilt up, my legs curl around his waist, I arch my back. I can’t get enough of him.

Somewhere in all this my shirt is gone and it’s only when he gets my bra unsnapped that I pull away, but I don’t stop him. I watch his face go blank for a moment as I stand naked before him and then he goes right back to devouring me.

He unbuttons his shirt, I unbutton his pants. The next thing I feel is the plush comforter beneath my back.

In the back of my mind I become aware that I finally achieved what I was trying to in the sunroom- I’m not thinking. I’m completely absorbed in the moment.