Chapter 57

Elena

I woke up to the smell of fresh coffee and something baking.

It took me a moment to remember where I was, the mostly bare walls of the bedroom so different from the rich fabrics and decadent decor of the Alpha mansion. That place still always felt like someone else’s house, as did the one I was in now.

My eyes closed tight as I thought of home, this concept that was still so elusive to me. There were moments, with Killian, when I thought I was reaching at least the feeling of comfort or safety of home if not the actual place. I still had hope that I would find that someday.

I threw on a baggy sweater and went downstairs. Alice was in the kitchen, soft piano music playing from somewhere. She looked up and smiled when I came in the room.

“Good morning, dear,” she said. “I was up so I thought I would…”

Alice spread her arms out in front of her, displaying the tray of scones next to an elaborate china coffee setup. My eyes were misty as I walked over to the kitchen and wrapped my arms around her in a grateful embrace. Being taller than me, arms fell over my back like wings of protection.

“Oh, oh Elena,” she said, her palm tracing circles on my back in an innately maternal effort to soothe me. It had the opposite effect, and I burst into tears. “It’s okay, you’re okay, I’m here…”

We stayed like that for a moment, and I let myself expel the sadness that I’d been bottling up inside me. I did my best not to fully deflate into Alice, her body more fragile than it once was, but she held me steady nonetheless.

“I’m okay,” it was a wish more than a statement, “I’m okay. Thank you.”

I picked up the tray she had arranged and brought it to the table, closing the chapter on my small breakdown.

“How have you been feeling? I’ll be at your next appointment, it’s my turn.”

Alice looked pleased and guilty at the same time and I worried something had happened.

“What is it? What’s wrong? Did the doctor say something—“

“No, no, nothing like that,” she interrupted my spiraling. “Everything is going well, on track, as they say.”

She shrugged through the cliché but I was persistent.

“Okay, well,” I said slowly, “is it something else? I’m sorry I couldn’t come yesterday with Natalie.”

Her mouth scrunched to one side, so I had hit a nerve. “Well, that’s it,” Alice said.

“Did Natalie not show up either? I swear to the goddess—“

“No, she came.”

I hesitated. “That’s good, right?” She didn’t respond, but chewed on the words that were trying to escape her mouth. “Alice, what happened?”

“Nothing, really,” she said, looking down into her coffee cup. She hardly drank it these days, but still liked the ritual and the warmth in her hands. “I just didn’t realize how much a person can change.”

My breath caught in my chest, but I let her go on.

“My Natalie,” she paused, her voice cracking. “She was such a sweet little girl, and I always thought I was doing my best to raise her right. But I showed her what it was to hurt others, to hurt you, and she picked up on my lesson it seems.”

“What happened, Alice?”

“I’m still so, so sorry, Elena, for the pain I caused you,” Alice’s eyes were heavy with tears that refused to spill. “When Natalie disappeared, died for all we knew, we made her a martyr, an angel. I lived with that for years, exalting her higher each passing day. And now…”

She trailed off, a growling sob from deep within her taking over her body for a moment.

“Now, she’s returned, and she is not anything like those sanctified images we hold of her,” Alice said, admitting the painful truth of it. “And maybe it was always who she was, maybe I was too blind with motherly love that I could not see her flaws, only the good parts that I thought I gave her. Elena, I am so grateful that she is back, that you brought her back, we all are. But I do not know that it is best that she has returned.”

The silence was heavy as stone between us, and my mouth felt glued shut. Alice suddenly fluttered as if a breath of new life flew through her.

“Am I a terrible mother?” She said it with a laugh and a crying sigh.

“No, Alice, you’re just a mother,” I said, not knowing if that would actually sound comforting. “You can do all you can and still never control someone with their own mind and soul.”

“I know, I know,” she said, shaking her head, “I just worry that she’s doing more harm than good here. You and I both know what she wants.”

Killian.

“Maybe it is what she deserves, she did have him first,” I said, hearing how pitiful I sounded and feeling even more sorry for myself.

“Oh, get it together, Elena!” Alice said sharply. For a moment I saw the woman who pretended to raise me, the orders quick and sometimes painful. “I’m sorry, but please, do not start giving up on me.”

“I’m not giving up on you,—“

“Giving up on Killian, on the Pack that needs you,” Alice said, determined, “you’re giving up on more than me. And you’re giving up on you.”

I didn’t have a response, because I knew she was right.

“Elena, I have to be honest with you,” Alice continued, “I wasn’t always on your side in this. I harbored my pain for Natalie’s disappearance, and blamed him for marrying you. He fought for you, and now that she is back, I can see why.”

That humbled me, and I couldn’t help feeling a bit excited that Killian had stood up for me when I wasn’t around. Sometimes I still wondered if his affections were an act. And with Natalie’s maniacal attempts to replace me already underway, I couldn’t deny the possible future mayhem that could come my way because of it.

“I’m so confused,” I finally said, resting my head in my hands.

“I know dear,” Alice said, placing her hand on my back. “I can’t make any decisions for you, and I will support you either way, but I also won’t let you give up on what is meant to be yours.”

I moped around her house all day, finding chores to complete and checking in on Alice to the point that she made me go outside so she could have some peace and quiet in her own home. I did some yard work, clearing underbrush around the bushes our front and weeding the small beds in the back. I made a mental note to update some things, the dirt under my fingers bringing inspiration.

Still feeling a bit restless, and knowing I had another hour or so of daylight, I wandered away from the house. The house had a nice back yard that shared sides with neighbors, but in the back through a gate there was a circular patch of woods that the neighborhood shared.

I let my hands trace across the bark of trees and took my hair down to feel the fresh breeze flow through it after many hours in a tight braid. My lungs felt full, my heartbeat felt light and steady, and a smile that I had not felt for a long time beamed across my face.

And in my mind, Killian.

I felt free and joyous and I wanted to share it with him. And there was no guilt, no remorse or questioning, only the freedom to focus on the possibility that in this timeline he and I could choose happiness.

It was getting dark by the time I finished my circuit and wandered back through the gardens and into Alice’s house. Coming through the back door, a second scent overtook me as I entered. We had a visitor, and I knew who it was.

My heart rate picked up as I walked toward the living room, where I heard two voices in a tense conversation.

Alice was seated propped on pillows on the couch, the other person sat next to her with their back to me.

It was Killian.