Chapter 25

Part of me was still shocked by the revelation of having slammed the door in James’ face. It wasn’t in my nature to be rude or act in such a crass manner. However...I was certain that I had reached an all-new low in my mind.

I wanted to forget that today ever happened. But at the same time, I didn’t want James to forget the harsh words that I’d thrown at him before. Ever since this joke of a marriage started, he and I haven’t actually had a real conversation.

James would make all the decisions and I would simply go along with all of them, not wanting to be difficult or come off as ungrateful.

‘But how long did I really expect that set-up to last?’ I asked myself. ‘How long was I really going to act as though what James was putting me through was livable?’

For the past few weeks, I’d been forced to put on this alternate persona—the new Mrs. Derek. All those new clothes and ways of styling my hair and makeup, had me truly forgetting who I was underneath.

Now that I was alone, I was desperate to get out of the dress I was in. I quickly unzipped the back of it and tossed the garment onto the bed, along with all the jewelry. Instead of a bath like Lily had earlier suggested, I opted for a shower.

While turning over the lever, I allowed the hot jets to hit the tense muscles in my back and shoulders. As much as I wanted to move past a lot of frustration, the conversation between James and me continuously rolled through my mind like a broken record.

Yes, I was still deeply upset with him for disregarding my feelings and thoughts when it came to announcing our marriage. He refused to listen or hear any of my personal input, making me feel utterly invalid and incompetent.

Then again, part of me felt terribly guilty for having brought up Evelyn when I knew that she was a sore subject for James to talk about.

No matter what angle I tried to view my situation, I didn’t feel good about it anymore. James had given me a whole new life, where both myself and my child would be provided for.

But at the cost of what? My identity? My true self?

When I finally finished up in the bathroom, I swiftly toweled off and wrapped a silken robe around me. I stepped out of the bathroom and I immediately halted when I saw a very distressed-looking James sitting in one of the chairs across the room.

It was obvious that he’d been waiting for me but he still remained quiet. I wasn’t sure what to say. Thankfully, James parted his lips and spoke first.

“Is that what you think I’ve been doing?” he asked me suddenly. “You think that all this time, I’ve just been trying to use you to replace Evelyn?”

I saw sadness in his eyes and my muscles clenched and twisted with anguish.

“No. Well, not at first I didn’t,” I explained. “I couldn’t understand why you were so insistent on planning out every moment of my day. I hadn’t given it a single thought about the clothes you put me in or the specific way my hair and makeup needed to be styled.”

A short pause went by as he let me continue.

“But when Monica said all of those things yesterday, and then that reporter made that one comment...I guess it all seemed to click into place in my mind.”

James got up from his chair and closed the distance between us. My heart jumped into my chest when he came to stand no further than half a foot away. I was tempted to take a few steps back out of sheer intimidation but forced myself otherwise.

He looked as though he wanted to reach out to me but was holding himself back.

“Mia...” His voice was rugged and strained. “I can assure you that is not the reason why I’ve been so adamant about you sticking to the schedule I’ve designed.”

It was difficult for me to believe him. James had always been a naturally straightforward sort of person. Whenever he’d speak, there wasn’t generally a second meaning beneath his words.

The man must have sensed the doubt in my expression because he went on to explain with an earnest push.

“You know Chris always used to refer to me as a control freak when we were younger.” I nodded my head. “Well, I’m not afraid to admit that it’s gotten significantly worse as time went by. There had been a horrible point in my life when I felt like I had absolutely no control at all.”

James reached for my wrist and gently pulled me toward the small sitting area. We sat down next to each other on the couch while he kept my hand enveloped in his.

“I want to share with you a little bit about my relationship with Evelyn,” he stated.

My brows raised in surprise.

“You’re aware that our marriage was pre-arranged by our families; however, she and I had grown close to each other over time. I grew to love her for who she was,” he told me.

I had to ignore the bitter twinge of jealousy that bit on my insides.

“You must believe me, Mia. I do see you as your own person. You are not a fill-in for anyone.”

Somewhere amongst his talking, James and I inched closer to one another.

“I’m so sorry for letting you believe otherwise. I’m sorry about the press conference. I should have discussed it with you before making such a monumental step. I’m also sorry for Monica’s inexcusable behavior,” James remarked grimly.

I nibbled on my bottom lip and slowly nodded. “I forgive you...But, James, you have to realize that you cannot seriously manage to control everything and every given time. I want this arrangement to work. And as for Monica, her behavior is not on you.”

My gaze lowered to his perfect lips. Every instinct in my body was goading me to lean in and kiss him. In one swift move, I brought my hand to his cheek and pulled me close, pressing our lips together. James looped a strong arm around me and practically hauled me into his lap.

The kiss grew heated and needy fairly quickly. I relished the sweet magnetic pull that started to stir from within me.

I was heavily expecting more to happen, but James never let his hands roam beyond my waist.

“I just want to hold you close like this,” he said against my lips.

I was truly beginning to like the feeling that grew inside of my chest whenever we were close like this. I didn’t want it to end.

“James, would you...Would you be interested in spending the night here with me?”