Chapter 54

Evelyn

The first flight we take is the longer of the two. We make our way to the West Coast as I snuggle into Sebastian’s shoulder.

“You’re a lot to handle,” I whisper.

He breathes a laugh. “Well, I can’t argue with that.”

Knowing we’re so close to Hawaii after so long away, I feel the air in my lungs growing steadily.

I told Madelyn how being away from home was changing me. Yet, as we sit in the airport in California, waiting to fly again, the excitement builds inside of me.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you this thrilled.” Sebastian’s arm is wrapped around me, but his gaze falls to my eyes. “I thought you were happy to be in a new place.”

“I was for a while,” I explain, smiling up at him. “I don’t know how to explain it, though.”

He smirks. “Try me?”

I sigh, leaning back onto his shoulder. “I knew myself in one single place. Hawaii is my bread and butter and what I’ve known all along.”

He breathes out. “And?”

“New York brought me closer to you. But it taught me to grow and change.”

“Oh, so you only changed because of me?”

I push into his chest as he softly laughs again. “I changed for me.”

“I guess that’s okay, too.”

“You’re the worst,” I say with a shake of my head.

“Maybe,” he replies in a whisper. “But at least I have you here with me.”

“Cheesy.”

I don’t understand why he doesn’t just openly tell me what he’s feeling. It’s like every time we get into a fight; it takes him being kind and sweet to finally get back on the same page.

The whole ordeal with Gregory has left a bad taste in my mouth. Not only do I feel Sebastian’s resentment and guilt over the first of the year fight, but I also feel something broken inside his chest.

I wonder what he sees in a future. In the possibility of the two of us lasting longer than one night together.

“I’ve been looking forward to this for weeks.”

His sentence vibrates his chest. It’s soft against my hair, and it hits me just how strained his voice truly is.

If you can tell me this, why not tell me what you honestly want after we return to New York?

“Then let’s make it great.”

Maybe, as painful as it is, it’s best to leave well enough alone for now.

After all, I don’t get to go home often.

Finally arriving in Hawaii after a long day of flying, Sebastian takes me to this fancy hotel I’ve only ever passed by. Sweet Home Hawaii, having found a room with a beautiful landscape of not only the city but the stretching ocean in the distance.

I giggle as I stand in front of the window. This is home!

“What’re you thinking over there, Princess?” He taunts, tongue in cheek as he smirks at me across the room. He stands with one hand in his back pocket, looking as charming and handsome as ever.

“The perfect place to take you for the first night home.”

“Oh, you think there’s anywhere you could take me that I haven’t already found without you?” His smirk grows deeper.

“Nowhere in my hometown could you go and have the same experience without me of all people.”

The words sprout an idea from within me, and I return his smile with one of my own. Grabbing his hand, I pull him out the door of the hotel and ignore any question he attempts.

“Can’t pretend you don’t hear me, Princess,” he protests.

I don’t stop moving but do turn and look at that black hair and perfect blue eyes. “Just let someone show you a world you don’t have every ounce of information on!”

I don’t think I’ve come across a speechless Sebastian Cain often. But the second we step foot on the sand at my favorite beach, I see the color returning to his cheeks.

“You would bring me to a beach.”

“It’s not any beach, Mr. Cain.”

He raises a bushy eyebrow as if to get the answer out of me. But when I don’t give him the answer, he studies me.

“I give up. What beach is this?” He finally rolls his eyes.

“It’s my beach. The place I learned to surf, where I learned to grow up, where I felt my safest.”

I bite my lip, knowing that the man standing next to me is holding onto so much emotion right now. I want him to know he can be open with me. If this beach has always been my safe haven, then it’s fair to assume he can feel that same way with the white sands between his toes.

“I want to talk about Gregory.”

It’s not what I thought I’d be saying yet, but his quick facial expression change hits me more than I thought it might.

“No need to talk about the man when we’re on vacation, Princess.”

I shake my head and let the thick curls bounce around me. “No, this is the right time to talk about this. Right here, where I became this woman. You continue to argue against me and treat me as though I have nothing to know.”

“Because there’s nothing to tell you that isn’t already obvious.”

I roll my eyes now, wanting the truth. “Seb, how long has he been abusing you?”

Stiffening, he looks at me without moving an inch. “No.”

“I saw him hit you—”

“And that wasn’t meant for you. The fact is, Madelyn is your blood mother. But Gregory is not related to me in any sense of the word. To him, I’m nothing but a name that will take over when he’s gone.”

“I told Madelyn about the past. I gave her the whole story, and there’s no reason not to think you can’t trust me the same way I trust you.”

“It’s nothing to do with trust, Evelyn! Can’t you understand there’s a delicate balance I’m attempting to save here?”

“I don’t need you to save anything, I just need you to talk about whatever it is you’re desperately shoving deep down inside of you.”

He huffs, shaking his head with what appears to be a frustrated laugh. “This is supposed to be a getaway from all of it. From life, the people who raised us, from everything. And now you stand here on your favorite sand known to man and expect me to tell you more than I know how to?”

“What is there you’re so goddamn afraid of?” I snap at him, throwing my arms in the air dramatically. “It’s like every time you give me an inch, you take a foot! What am I not doing to prove to you that I want to step up, be there, and give you the same care you give for me?”

“You don’t know what being a Cain is like, alright?”

“I have a pretty decent idea. But you know what it absolutely isn’t? It’s not abusing your son because the two of you have a fucking argument.”

He shakes his head and turns back to leave. “I’m going back to the hotel. There’s no point in arguing as if it’ll solve a single problem.”

“Being open with me can solve more than one!” I’m growing more frustrated by the moment. “I want you to hear me! I want you to see just how goddamn much I care!”

Hie head rears around, and God does he look absolutely crushed. “You show me you give a shit every time you smile that perfect, toothy grin! You’re sunshine in a world of rain, Princess.”

I don’t expect these words. “Yet you don’t want to tell me how to help or cope.”

“Because the second you were brought into my world, the last thing that mattered was my own bullshit.”

“That’s not true!”

His eyes flash. I can’t see what he wants to tell me. There’s no words.

“You enjoy your beach, Princess. I’m going back to the hotel. Just stop expecting this trip to change anything between Gregory and me.”

I call out for him to stop, to come back and talk about this instead of running from the problem.

The tears in my eyes burn as they fall. It’s hard to know what the truth is any longer. In fact, I don’t even know if Sebastian really knows just what he’s doing to me.

I race after the man, memories resurfacing of the first time I searched for him. Our birthday was full of strangers, and the only thought on my mind that night was making Lucas as angry and jealous as possible.

So when I catch up to him and stand in his way, crying like a child, I push him as hard as I can.

“You don’t get to do this!” I scream. “You don’t get to keep doing any of this!”

“Evelyn, don’t—”

“I keep forgiving you! I keep giving you space and the benefit of the doubt! How much more do you think I can take from you?”

I push him a second time, then a third. “You’re in a toxic relationship, but you’re so goddamn proud to admit that, or even to face that!”

“You really believe that’s what all of this is?”

“I believe what I see, hear and touch. And what I see and hear is that you are miserable and want to continue making me feel as shitty as you!”

“That’s not true!” He throws back.

“Then what?!”

“I told you! I’m trying to protect you. You have no idea what lies on the other side of Gregory’s wrath! And the thought of putting the woman I love in that scenario eats away at me! What is it going to take for you to hear that?”

My mouth falls open.

“What?!” He demands.

He doesn’t…he just…were those words of any merit?

Breathing heavier now, the pain in my chest squeezing and pulling in every direction, I put the pieces together in my head. Of course, how had I missed all of this before?

“Evelyn, what are you doing?”

“Do you?”

He furrows those bushy brows so hard I honestly question if they’ll fall off his head. He clearly has no idea what he’s just gotten himself into.

I don’t need rescuing, and I don’t need anyone to stand in the way of the world for me.

But something about hearing his true, honest feelings feels as if I’ve been hit by a train.

“Do you love me?”

“Why are you asking me that?” he’s so quick to jump, but it’s only because he doesn’t realize.

“Sebastian. Is all of this true? Do you love me? Are you…are you falling in love with me?”

He seems to register exactly what he is being asked, his entire face changing from defensive to aching.

“I need you to tell me,” I whisper now, wiping away at one of my tears. “Tell me the truth.”

He all but snorts at my words. “Do you honestly believe I’d never fall in love with everything that you are? That I don’t look at you every day and feel the weight of the world soar above me?”

I shake my head. “I don’t know what to think.”

“Evelyn—”

“Why didn’t you say something before?”

I don’t know if there’s an answer, but it’s the only question I can seem to form from my mind. “You could have told me sooner.”

“I didn’t want to scare you off.”

“Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed lately, but we’re not exactly in the healthiest and most stable environment where being together hurts absolutely no one.”

“And yet?” I speak so quietly, the words whipping around me and floating into the wind.

“And yet I haven’t stopped falling for you since the day we met.”

“Neither have I.”

I guess today is the day of exposing our secrets and hearts.

“Honestly?” His tone hurts because I know, I know, just how plagued with worry he’s been.

I take his face in my small hands, wanting him to hear every single syllable. “Sebastian Cain, I love you, too.”