Chapter 33
Evelyn
Ava won’t answer a single call or text that I make, and it’s truly starting to get to me. It’s been two days, and I feel weak, tired, and heartbroken.
Olivia has pushed me for answers like I’ll give them, but I just lie through my teeth.
“Did she say anything? The cold shoulder is just out of nowhere!” Olivia groans later in the week when Ava refuses to answer her FaceTime.
I’m sitting at my desk next to my bed, buried in my notes for classes. Finals are rapidly approaching, and the last thing I need is to fail my classes.
I don’t need more things to cry over in the middle of the night.
I shrug, refusing to look up from my notes. “No, nothing at all.”
“Stupid,” she mumbles before throwing her phone on the bed and flopping back. “No need to act like a child when you can just be honest.”
I nod, pretending to be ignorant. “I know. But can’t get her to change her mind if she doesn’t want to talk.”
“I have half a mind to just go find her.”
I huff. “Good luck. She’s become a master of avoiding conversation.”
Olivia sits up, her short hair moving with her. “Wait, maybe Sebastian knows? Did you try asking him?”
A twitch in my neck distracts me from answering her, my throat immediately going dry.
“Should I text him?” She asks.
I was unaware Sebastian had given his number to my roommate, but I can’t seem too conspicuous. Olivia’s pretty decent at reading between the lines of my lies, even if she can’t figure out what the lie is exactly.
“She’s probably just busy with either finals or cheer. It’s probably nothing, and she’ll come around, and everything will go back to normal soon.” I’m barely listening to my own words because I don’t believe a thing I say.
“Yeah, maybe, but maybe Sebastian can give me an answer, you know?”
I’m so tired of talking about Ava. Every time I think of her horrid, heinous words to me, I just feel tears prickle in my eyes.
“What do you think?”
I wipe under my left eye, mustering enough strength to keep reading my notes and writing up the study guide for later.
“Now you’re giving me the silent treatment?” She whines.
I groan, slapping the desk, and whip around to stare at my roommate, exasperated at her attitude while I’m over here trying to study and not have a full-on mental breakdown.
“Olivia!” I snap. “I’m studying! Please stop!”
She seems genuinely confused as to my attitude appearing out of nowhere. Her thumbnail is between her teeth, chewing on it as she widens her eyes to me.
“Okay, sorry,” she replies defensively. “Didn’t know you were so touchy today.”
“Ugh!” I growl. “I’m stressed! Maybe Ava is, too, but I can’t give you the answer because I’m not her!”
She shrinks a tad. “Alright, moody.”
I turn back to my stuff, grabbing my headphones so I can stay focused. “Whatever.”
My roommate ends up leaving to go study with another friend for a different class. As soon as she’s left, I rip my headphones out and bury my head in my hands. What the hell am I supposed to do?
My fingers rip through the curls in my hair, and I start crying into my palms.
Something does change while Ava avoids all of us. Of all my guesses as to what could possibly make things easier for me, I never would have imagined Sebastian’s attitude change toward me.
I look forward to his kindness every day. He’s just trying to keep my mind off of the fight and keep me moving forward.
He always finds a different, fun way to start a conversation with me.
“I found this video of a cute bunny and thought you might smile when you watch it. It reminded me of you. Excitable and all.”
“I saw someone watching Monsters Inc in the coffee shop today and immediately thought about you in your adorable Boo costume.”
“Do you think we can convince our parents to get a pet? I’ve always wanted a dog. We could name it something goofy, like Scruffy.”
“My class is exceptionally boring today. Distract me with talk of Hawaii.”
“I cannot wait for winter break. My eyes are tired, and I need a week-long nap.”
“I hope you’re doing okay, Princess.”
I can’t lie, I feel touched by his genuine kindness. I feel like I’m starting to see more of the real Sebastian Cain, and not the jackass that I met on our birthday.
I’m happy that I chose to say yes to the second condition. Sebastian has clearly been opening up his heart to me, even if he’s not realizing it.
I don’t have to argue with Sebastian about the fact that we’re not a couple. We’ve discussed that there’s still no label and that we don’t want to add one to this.
“Look, Princess, as much as I love to get on your nerves, I also know that it’s not the right time to push you into figuring that out.”
The last thing I want to worry about right now is calling Sebastian anything other than the mandatory names. My fear of opening the doors to a full label keeps me from making any further leaps in all of this.
My issue, though, is that no matter what I do, I don’t feel like I’m the main character in my own story. In fact, I’m starting to feel like an outsider in my own life.
When I’m lying awake at night, staring up at the ceiling like it’ll tell me what to do with my life, I ponder how to keep going through everything.
I’m starting to miss Hawaii now that I’ve been away for so long. I long for the beautiful sands and perfect waves. Even the smells of the town wafting through the car windows as we drive still ripple through my memory.
All I knew until the move was that my entire life had been spent on the island. Before, I was okay with being separated from my past. Now, I wonder if it was the right choice to leave it.
“Madelyn would never understand,” I tell myself, rolling over to face the concrete wall. My hair tickles my cheeks as I push it away.
The comforts and normalcy I lived through, the sunshine and perfect weather, all of it feels like an entire lifetime ago.
I let tears fall down my cheeks, sniffling. “I miss home,” I whisper to the dark room. “I miss knowing exactly what I want and need.”
I ponder the idea of visiting home during Christmas break. It’s less than a month away, and the thought alone makes me feel just a little bit better.
Going back to the place that made me might make the changes I’m experiencing easier.
I remind myself, however, that Thanksgiving break is first.
“I’m so excited to see you soon!” my mom texted me earlier today. I miss my beautiful Eve!”
It’s funny that she doesn’t see how much I’ve gone through. She barely even understands that Lucas and I are over. On occasion, she’ll even slip up and ask how we’re doing.
Maybe I can convince her to let me go back to Hawaii, I don’t see why not.
After all, it’d be easier than being back under her and Gregory’s roof once more. Sebastian and I have been hiding this secret for so long, but it never seems to feel easier.
“We’ll figure it out, Princess,” he’d said a few days ago. “Don’t worry so much.”
How does he not worry, though? How does he stride around campus without the fear of his biggest secret becoming exposed to the rest of the world?
With Ava against us, I find myself struggling to turn any corners.
I pull my blankets up over my face, begging my mind to turn off for the night. I have to get through the next few days of classes, and it’s still imperative that I continue doing well.
I spend the last days before Sebastian takes us home in a daze of worry, anxiety, sadness, grief, and picturing Ava, Sebastian, and I arguing over what the right decision is.
Not the decision on our relationship.
The one on my heart.
