Chapter 23

Sebastian

It’s been a minute since I’ve been to the underground race track, but I’ve felt compelled to bring Evelyn here. She’s never really asked me anything about this part of my life.

I’ve never explained it to her. In fact, I’m just used to those around me knowing every possible morsel I could share.

“Princess, welcome to Underground Raceways,” I present, waving my hand across the sight.

“Holy shit,” she murmurs, hand covering part of her mouth. “This whole thing is…wow.”

I can’t help but smirk and exhale through my nose at the response. “That’s one way to describe it, I guess.”

She whips her head to look up at me, those brown eyes once again warped. “What? Wait, no, I wasn’t trying to imply—”

I lay my hand on her shoulder, stopping her in her tracks. “Princess. Relax. I’m messing with you.”

She shoves me and sticks out her tongue. “Sebastian Cain, will you ever get through a conversation with me where you don’t scare me half to death?” She demands.

I shrug my shoulders, grabbing her hand and pulling her. “Guess we’ll just have to find out.”

I’ve thought a lot about the night of the party and our conversation. I like to play these games with Evelyn, and I like watching her go weak at the knees for me. But the way her emotions ping-pong around like a game has me worrying.

I was honest with her. I’m the last guy to want to romance a woman when things are better left unsaid. But my words were true.

“I shouldn’t have to choose between what’s right and what’s easy.”

Truthful or not, where had the urge to be open come from? I’ve told her when she’s wrong in the past, even when I don’t want to tiptoe around.

But those words, that sentence, they fell out of my mouth like sour candy. It was the truth.

It still is the truth.

So, the next logical step was to invite her to the racetrack to show her that I’m not someone to take advantage of.

Who have I become?

We get down to the track, and we watch as other racers whiz by in their cars. We stand behind the gate lines, and the awe on Evelyn’s face is apparent.

“Holy shit,” she calls over the noise. “They’re all so fast!”

I can’t help but laugh at this because, of course, the cars are fast. I pitch forward and laugh at her words. She pokes me hard. “Hey!”

“Did you think we’re slow drivers, Princess?” I ask her through my fit of laughter.

“I just wasn’t expecting the noise and speed, okay?” She presses back, crossing her arms with a pout. “Quit laughing at me!”

I take a few more seconds before I stand up, wiping away a legit tear from my eyes. “Alright, alright, I’ll stop now. Just wasn’t expecting you to say something so profound!”

She shoves me harder. “I’ll kick your ass, Cain, cut it out!”

I pretend to be scared. “Oh no!”

“Do you wanna see the place or just laugh at me all night?” I pester.

“Both, definitely both.”

I roll my eyes but begin our tour of the place.

“Well, first thing, this is where I learned all I know. I’ve grown here more than anywhere else. No other place has watched me change more than Underground Raceways,” I explain.

I point out a few of the cars on the track. “I’ve driven almost every vehicle here. You’d be surprised how different each drive on the dirt. I thought I’d master each in a matter of seconds, but it ended up being over several months.”

Evelyn’s eyes slowly take in each place I point out. “Do you have a favorite?”

“What, a favorite car? Not here, no. It’s hard when you have your own to pick a favorite after her.”

She cocks her head. “She has a name?”

I give just a hint of a smile. “She does. And maybe I’ll tell it to you.”

“Aw, what the hell?”

“It’s a well-known fact I don’t tell anyone the name of my girl. A superstition I guess you could say.”

“So, no one’s ever heard your car’s name?” She raises one eyebrow, but I can see she’s really studying my face. Maybe she thinks she’ll guess the name. But no one has in the past.

“One person. Not someone you’d expect. But she’s pretty important to me, so it’s something only I really hold the key to.”

Evelyn is thoughtful for a moment, taking in the information. Maybe it’s silly, but I watch as she nods.

“I had a favorite board back in Hawaii that I surfed on. I called her Mei. Rode her every day and night, hours lost on the water.”

I lean against the gate. “Oh? And where is Mei now?”

She looks down at the ground, kicking some of the loose dirt. “She snapped in half a couple of years ago. A harsh wave came in and sliced her.”

That somehow gets a wave to pummel through me. If my car was totaled, unable to race down the track ever again, I’d be devasted. So, Mei being gone from Evelyn’s life feels too real.

“Show me a pic sometime, okay?” I say, hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry she’s gone, but I’d love to see you surfing every damn wave.”

She gives me a small smile, but her eyes thank me. It’s odd, knowing how to communicate with Evelyn without words. I’ve grown used to reading her expressions, and now it’s as if I’m an expert.

“So, tell me where you struggled the most?” Evelyn changes the subject.

“Damn, just getting into the nitty gritty of things then?” I shake my head and point out at the track. “That’s where I struggled the most.”

The spot in question is four tight turns at the end of the path. The turns get any rookie, and I spent weeks mastering the perfect torque, power, and wheel practice.

It’s silly to think back on my younger self growing angry and screaming my head off inside my car. I didn’t know what to do differently.

But that’s why my mentor was there.

“Do you know why I got into racing?” I ask Evelyn. She shakes her head, and I point at a wall not far off. She starts walking that way, and I touch the small of her back for just a moment to act as if, for once, things might be just a bit normal here.

On the wall I’ve taken her to, there’s a board of the highest records of all time in Underground Raceways. It’s the fastest race, the date, and our first names.

To no one’s shock, I’ve been up on the board in first for the past several years.

“I won this back in high school,” I explain. My finger then moves down to second place. “And this guy? He was the man that introduced me to this world.”

“Maxwell?” She asks.

“Yep. Maxwell Adams, or Max. A family friend back in the day. Our dads knew each other, and one day, he asked me if I knew about Formula One racing.”

“And you did?”

I laugh. “Actually, no, I didn’t. When I was about eight, he brought me down here. He was almost fifteen at the time.”

Evelyn looks back up at the board, Max’s racing time only four seconds behind me. Max would be half-way to his thirties now.

“Does he still come down here?” Evelyn ponders.

“Max? No, he doesn’t.”

She looks from the wall and back to me, and I watch as her confusion sets in. “He doesn’t come here? Or he’s…passed?”

I sigh, not surprised she’s pieced it together. “A few years ago, while racing. Not here, in a real race.”

She doesn’t respond, but she does take my hand and squeeze it.

I don’t talk about Maxwell with anyone anymore. He’s stayed my friend and part of my history. But it’s not often someone doesn’t come around who’s unfamiliar with my friend.

“He was a cliché. I say that with admiration for the dude. Smart, hilarious, and even a fucking good racer.”

I think back on the way he would show me the ropes, the way he explained racing to my younger self, and how passionate he was about the art.

“He was passionate about racing the way most dream of being. I learned everything I know from him, and wish he was still here to watch me kick his ass.”

I let my mouth twitch with barely a smile, but know this will never feel easier to talk about.

“You miss him,” Evelyn says.

“All the time.”

She nods, looking back up at the board.

“My father wants me to become a businessman, to take over one day and rule with this iron fist he believes in. But I don’t. I want to be as free as the wind that whizzes by my ears as the speed continues to increase.”

I think about sitting in the driver’s seat. The world flying by. The engine so loud I can’t hear anything else.

“Formula One racing has always been something I get to have to myself. Because of Maxwell, it always will be. And I can’t let go of that feeling.”

Evelyn smiles a full, kind, and gentle smile at me.

“And that’s why you don’t want that life. You feel free here. And Gregory makes you feel as if you’ll never be as in control as you are now.”

“That’s exactly what it is.”

I pull Evelyn closer to me, my fingers moving toward the thick curls on her head as my heart rate increases. Looking down at her in this world all my own, I feel as though I understand what people say when they talk about powerful feelings exploding inside of them.

“Sorry to bring you down with the talk of Maxwell.”

“Don’t be,” she insists. “He’s part of your history. And besides, it helps me understand who you are just a little bit more.”

“And you like that?” I question, feeling absolutely stupid for being so vulnerable to Evelyn again.

“Of course I do.”

“So, does that mean you’ll let me take you out on the track sometime?”

She lets her head rest on my chest. I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean, so I let my hand caress the back of her head. My chin rests on her, and we stand there silently.

Is this really happening? Or am I absolutely delusional? Because I keep looking for answers in the atmosphere.

“I’d love to, Sebastian,” she tells me.

If this is what love is meant to feel like, maybe it’s best I never let Evelyn Walters go.