Chapter 22

Evelyn

Finally finding Sebastian doesn’t subside the fears crawling up my skin. I know he likes to play games, but how am I supposed to act casual when he’s hiding something from me?

“Princess.” Sebastian stands up, and his eyes shine with anxiety. “It’s all okay.”

“What happened? Why do we need to talk? Why couldn’t you just come get me?”

He grabs me as I start to breathe heavily, holding me close to his chest as I hyperventilate.

“Breathe,” he whispers down to my ear. I don’t have much of a choice, and I just stand there as my stepbrother holds me tight. “I’m sorry, you weren’t supposed to become so afraid.”

I feel a tear well up in the corner of my eye, but I shake my head against his soft shirt.

“Where is this anxiety coming from?” He whispers again. In reality, I don’t know the answer to this. Something about trying to find him just set off alarms in my head, and I couldn’t stop.

I continue to lose track of time and air in Sebastian’s arms, but there’s something different that I also notice. No jokes. No teasing.

Almost as if…he’s sorry?

I don’t question him, but I do find myself relishing the feeling of being held by this man. His own breathing is ragged.

“Let me take you home,” he murmurs now, quieter than before.

“Why?” I reply with my own rugged breathing.

“Because clearly, you’re wound up.”

Am I? After this day, maybe he’s right. Chasing after Sebastian and being led to a party has exhausted me.

But the idea that just wanting to talk to me caused severe anxiety still doesn’t add up.

“Come on, Princess.” He lifts my face away from him, looking down with those blue eyes that I can feel absorb every ounce of fear and worry.

I don’t argue. I merely nod, and he holds his hand out for me to take.

I look up, then down, before lacing my fingers through his.

I keep my head down and we leave the party, Sebastian holding open the door to his car as we head back to my room.

It’s quiet on our car ride, but I feel questions building up. There’s a dense, thick air between us. I could cut it with a butcher knife.

Sebastian, to my surprise, continues to act out of character. Silent and stoic, driving as though he’s done this route a thousand times before.

Regret clings to me as I continue to spiral. What am I doing? And why?

“Sebastian—”

I barely get his name out before he immediately pulls the car off the road and stops. He pulls the parking brake and turns to look at me with intensity.

“Are you going to tell me this is the end? That this can’t continue between the two of us? Cause you’re so good at playing that card instead of giving me concrete evidence of this hurting anyone else.”

My eyes grow wider, shocked at his ease into such conversation.

“I…I just thought—”

“Thought you could tell me you’re once again remorseful?” Sebastian interrupts.

“Why are you being so harsh to me?” I whine like a child. “You’re the one who wanted to talk to me and take me home!”

Sebastian lets out a bark of a laugh, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. The black hair shakes with him, and he lets out a long, angry groan.

“I wanted a moment with you that wouldn’t be interrupted by the entire world! I wanted to make sure you knew things were going to be okay between us. Is that so goddamn bad?”

Now I’m the one shaking my head. “What?”

He grips the steering wheel tighter, looking back out the windshield. “You don’t get it, do you? You don’t get that every day you want to end this or every day you want to continue; I have to be the one waiting on you to make another choice, another decision!”

“Because we’re not supposed to be together, Sebastian; I told you this.” I’m still whining, but what else is there to do? His attack is coming from nowhere!

Sebastian slams his hands against the steering wheel a few times before turning in his seat to me.

“Evelyn,” he says, so serious that I swear I must be dreaming. “I don’t want to keep doing this with you. Is it that hard to see?”

I don’t respond. What is he talking about?

He laughs. “In life, people make decisions based on those around them. And with you? I shouldn’t have to choose between what’s right and what’s easy.”

What’s right? What’s easy?

I try to speak, sputtering out half-words as my heart continues to panic.

“No matter what choice you make, you continue to change your mind. You drag my emotions behind you with no regard. You think I’m selfish, right?”

“No!” I shout.

“Then why use me? Why do you want me only when it’s convenient for you?!” He growls.

It’s no wonder he was acting out of character. And why he’d wanted to talk to me.

Here I am, questioning every wrong move we make while he sits on his hands, waiting for me to understand the path we’ve ventured down.

“I…I don’t know!” It’s honest. It’s real.

“Then figure it the fuck out!”

I grab his face, pressing my lips to his as I let myself fall under the spell of his taste and touch. It’s simultaneously fulfilling and also painful. Because no matter how hard I want to answer his questions, I don’t even have an answer for myself.

The guilt has been eating away at me for so long, and as I sit here kissing this man who has quickly become part of my world, I question my own future as well.

What is he to me?

What do I want him to be?

And is he worth the guilt that pulls me underwater every waking moment?

---

“Do you feel homesick? You’ve been practically radio silent since the wedding.”

Madelyn’s call is one I really needed. Hearing my mom’s voice after the wedding has washed some relief over me since I woke up this morning.

I spent so long with Sebastian last night, kissing him and being held by him, that the guilt and grief of our secret has just grown ever higher. I know I’ll never be able to confide in my mom, but sometimes it’s just nice to hear her voice and know she’s there for me.

“I’m fine!” I insist. Because I don’t miss home, at least, not enough.

“And classes? Friends?”

I giggle. “I’ve made some friends, yes. And classes are a walk in the park, Mom, I promise.”

“Is your brother being kind to you? Or do I have to knock some sense into him?” Madelyn rumbles.

“We’re fine. We figured our shit out. He’s been…kind.”

What an understatement.

“I just want to make sure you’re alright. You went through such a huge change, leaving Hawaii and then starting college. As your mom, it’s my job to worry about you, Eve.”

“I’m okay. Though, thinking about it, yes, I do miss Hawaii.”

Sighing, I turn to look out the window of my room. “It’s hard to give up everything you know, even when you know it’s the right choice,” I tell her.

How odd that these words can mean more than just referring to moving away from your childhood home.

“Did you and Gregory have a nice honeymoon, at least?” I ponder, desperately wanting to change the subject.

She goes on about how he’d taken her to a beautiful resort and spoiled her rotten. He’d fed her grapes, brought bottles of champagne into their room, and the two swam in a private room pool.

“It reminded me of our hotel back in the day, Eve,” she adds dreamily. “The sights, the sounds, the smells!”

This part of the conversation forces me to freeze and feel a prickle on the back of my neck. The last thing I want right now is to think about that part of my past. The hotel is off-limits as long as I can keep it there.

Today’s not the day for revisiting.

Especially thinking about the way I felt.

“That’s great, Mom, but I just remembered I have somewhere to be!”

“Aww, well, don’t let your old mom keep you. Love you, my dear. Be safe.”

“Love you too, bye!”

I hang up in a rush, slamming my phone down on my desk. I breathe in and out slowly, begging my brain to settle down.

In truth, there’s nowhere to be.

But now, I can’t stay here. The room seems to taunt me for running from this conversation.

“Well, I’ll run as long as I’d like!” I tell the room. Olivia isn’t here, thankfully, because I know she’d be giving me a sad, strange look.

I sigh, grab my phone and keys, and exit the room. If I want to think about something that isn’t my past, then so be it. The last thing I need right now is to feel old wounds reopen.

I jog down the stairs and out into the early fall weather. The trees are already turning different shades, leaves littering the sidewalks and grass.

Halloween is coming quickly, and I’ve been trying to figure out what to be. Ava and Oliva have the idea that we should dress up together.

I haven’t decided if I want to do that just yet.

It’s not like it wouldn’t be fun. I just don’t know if I want to give up on the idea I came up with a few weeks ago.

“Are you stalking me now, Princess?”

The sentence comes out of nowhere as I walk right into Sebastian, somehow missing him entirely. I shake my head, shock pulsing through me. Where did he come from?

“Sebastian!” I say, pulling away from him. I haven’t seen him in a few days after he left me at my place after the party.

I haven’t really spoken to him after that. I can’t help but feel the guilt ping-pong around my head. Every time I try to explain this to him, it feels as though it gets even more frustrating.

“You seem lost in your own head there,” Sebastian notes.

I wave his comment off. “Just thinking. I spoke to my mom, and now I’m on a walk, enjoying nature.”

He smirks. “Oh, is that so?”

“I’m from Hawaii, Sebastian; I’m used to the sandy beaches and being surrounded by the same people my entire life. It’s nice to take in different views.”

He seems to reflect on that, sticking out his bottom lip and nodding. It’s interesting to see him somewhat stumped in a conversation.

“So, why are you out here then?” I question my stepbrother.

“Finished class for the day, on my way to see you.”

My cheeks try to flame with heat, but I do everything to hold them together. “Oh, and why’s that?”

“Do you want to see something different tonight?”

Is he asking me out? “Depends on different?” I reply with a raised eyebrow.

Sebastian laughs, and I think he knows I’m nervous. After all, what’s a conversation between the two of us that doesn’t end in heavy emotions?

“Tell you what. I’ll pick you up at seven. I think it’s high time to show my dear stepsister the tried-and-true Sebastian Cain.”

“I have no idea what that even means!” I laugh.

He wiggles his brows back at me. “Trust me, Evelyn. It’ll be worth it.”

My heart flutters, something it does every time he uses my real name instead of the silly nickname. “Oh?” I try not to sound as if I’ve been swept off my feet.

“And I promise,” he says holding up his hand with his palm facing me. “I’ll keep my hands to myself. At first.”

I can’t help but laugh harder, finally relenting. “Fine. Seven pm. I’ll be the one waiting to be wowed.”

He bows slightly. “That’s all I ask.”