Chapter 190

Agnes

I stared at the white ceiling tiles, counting them for the dozenth time. Anything to keep my mind off what had happened, although it wasn’t working. The ceiling had exactly forty-eight tiles—I’d counted them repeatedly since waking up in this hospital bed hours ago.

Forty-eight tiles, and none of them had any answers for me.

I’d nearly killed my family.

Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was Thea’s terrified face illuminated by the flames shooting from my hands. The curtains catching on fire. The blaze spreading across the ceiling, down the walls, until we were trapped in a ring of fire with no way out.

It had all happened so fast. One moment, I was startled awake by Thea standing over me; the next, fire was engulfing our home.

All I could do was grab Thea and a towel from the bathroom, soaking it in the sink before the heat became too intense to reach the door again. We’d huddled in the corner, the damp towel pulled over our heads as the smoke grew thicker, the air hotter. I thought we were going to die, and it would be entirely my fault.

If Elijah hadn’t come home when he did…

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out the memory of his wolf form leaping through the flames to reach us. The smell of singed fur in the air. How he’d carried us on his back, jumping from the second-story window. I’d heard the sickening crack when he landed, his arm breaking under the impact.

Elijah had broken his arm saving us from a fire that I had started.

What kind of monster was I becoming?

If there had been any doubt that I possessed elemental abilities, it was most certainly gone by now. The evidence was burned into our home, our clothes, our lungs. But this felt like a curse, not a gift. What good were powers that I couldn’t control? Powers that put my family in danger?

They should just lock me up. Put me in a concrete cell that fire couldn’t burn.

Or, better yet… burn me at the stake just like they burned that woman three hundred years ago.

The door opened then, interrupting my spiral. I turned my head to see a doctor entering the room. Elijah was close behind, his right arm encased in a cast and supported by a sling. Despite his injury, he looked better than I expected, which was a relief. His arm would heal quickly; werewolf healing alone was fast, and an Alpha’s even faster.

“Well, Luna Agnes, your test results look good,” the doctor said, flipping through my charts on his clipboard. “Minimal smoke inhalation and no burns. We’d like to keep you overnight for observation, but you should be able to go home tomorrow.”

I didn’t have the strength to mention that we didn’t have a home anymore. Just a charred shell of what had once been our sanctuary. My fingers curled into the fading burns on my hands. I was surprised they hadn’t noticed them.

“And Thea?” I asked.

“Your daughter is doing just fine,” the doctor assured me, and I felt my shoulders slump with relief. “She’s resting comfortably in the room next door. We gave her a mild sedative to help her sleep after the trauma, but physically, she is completely unharmed.”

At least Thea was okay. She hadn’t been burned. I met Elijah’s gaze, and his eyes softened. Fuck, I thought to myself. He was definitely going to spin this in such a way that it didn’t seem like my fault. He was going to try to convince me that I wasn’t evil and broken and cursed, that everything was going to turn out okay.

Curse him and his unending kindness. I didn’t deserve it.

“I’ll give you two some privacy,” the doctor said, moving toward the door. “The nurse will be in shortly with your next dose of pain medication.”

As soon as the door closed behind him, Elijah was at my bedside, his good arm wrapping around me in a tight embrace. “Thank the Goddess you’re both safe,” he murmured, his face buried in my hair.

I remained stiff in his arms, unable to return the embrace. How could he still want to hold me after what I’d done? I’d nearly killed our daughter. I’d destroyed our home. I’d broken his arm.

“Agnes?” Elijah pulled back, his eyes searching my face. “What’s wrong? Are you in pain?”

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, the words catching in my throat. “Elijah, I’m so, so sorry.”

“For what?”

“For what?” I repeated incredulously. “For burning down our home! For almost killing Thea! For breaking your arm!”

Elijah shook his head, sitting on the edge of the bed. “None of that was your fault, Agnes.”

“How can you say that?” My voice cracked. “I started the fire. My hands literally shot flames just because Thea woke me up unexpectedly. If she had been standing just a few inches to the left...” My voice trailed off, and I looked away. I couldn’t even bear to say it out loud.

“You didn’t do it intentionally,” Elijah said firmly. “It was an accident.”

Shaking my head, I looked down at my hands, half-expecting to see them still glowing with heat. They looked normal—pale, slightly trembling, but ordinary aside from the fading burn marks from the other day. As if they hadn’t just unleashed destruction. “These powers… I can’t control them. I’m dangerous, Elijah.”

“You just need to learn to control them,” he said, taking one of my hands in his uninjured one. “And I’m going to help you, every step of the way.”

I pulled my hand away just in case I accidentally burned him. “I found something in that book. About elementals.” I swallowed hard. “It said that mated elementals have better control over their powers. That marking their mate creates a channel that helps stabilize their abilities.”

Elijah’s eyes lit up. “That’s good news, isn’t it?”

“No, it’s not. My wolf hasn’t fully emerged yet. I can’t mark you until that happens. And even if she did emerge tomorrow, or even the next day, there’s still the issue of Olivia. You’re already marked by her. If I try to mark you before that bond is broken, it could kill her. And I don’t want to kill anyone.”

“Then we’ll keep working on finding a way to unmark her,” Elijah said with a shrug. “There has to be a way to do it safely. No one has to die, Agnes.”

I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe that there was a solution to all of this. But sitting in a hospital bed, with the smell of smoke still clinging to my hair and the image of flames burning behind my eyelids…

It was hard to be optimistic.

“Well. Until then,” I said softly, “you should stay away from me. I’m not safe to be around.”

Elijah blinked. “What?”

“I mean it,” I insisted, even as the thought of being separated from him made me want to retch. “What if it happens again? What if I hurt you or Thea?”

“Agnes, that’s not going to happen.”

“You don’t know that!” The monitors beside my bed beeped as my heart rate spiked. “You can’t possibly know that. I certainly don’t. These powers are unpredictable, and until I learn to control them, I shouldn’t be around the people I love.”

“So what’s your plan?” Elijah asked, a harder edge slipping into his voice. “To isolate yourself? To push away the very people who want to help you? How is that going to solve anything?”

“It will keep you safe,” I said stubbornly.

“I don’t need you to keep me safe, Agnes. I need you to let me in. To let me help you.” Elijah gripped my hand, refusing to let go when I tried to wrench myself away. “Do you really think I’m going to walk away? After everything we’ve been through? After running into a burning building to save you?”

“Maybe you should have left me there,” I whispered, the words slipping out before I could stop them.

His face darkened. “Don’t. Don’t you dare say that.”

“Why not? It’s true. Everyone would be better off if—”

“Stop it.” Elijah’s voice was as hard as steel. “I don’t ever want to hear you talk like that. You are my mate, Agnes. Whether we’re properly marked or not, you are mine, and I am yours. I’m not walking away. Not now, not ever.”

The intensity in his eyes made my breath catch in my throat. Dammit, he really meant it. After everything I’d done, after all the damage and pain I’d caused, he still wanted me. Still loved me.

“I could hurt you,” I said feebly.

Elijah shook his head, taking my hand and pressing it firmly against his chest so I could feel his heartbeat.

“I won’t leave you, Agnes,” he said softly, his fingers holding mine in place over his heart. “Burn me all you want. But I’m not leaving you.”

His words broke a dam inside of me. A sob tore from my throat, and before I could stop myself, I was throwing my arms around Elijah.

He held me tight, his hand stroking my hair until the sobs subsided and exhaustion claimed me.