Chapter 115

Elijah

Thea and I hadn’t gone camping together in some time.

It used to be one of our favorite pastimes; whenever we had a quiet weekend to spare, I would take Thea out to the national park for a night or two of camping beneath the stars and fishing. Even when she was just a toddler, barely old enough to remember our trips, I would bundle her up and bring her with me, just the two of us.

Lately, we hadn’t had much of a chance for such things—which was exactly why I felt it was necessary to take her now.

We needed to get away. Just for a little while, and then we could address the mess that was our normal, everyday existence. But right now, I just wanted to get out in nature, look at the stars and breathe fresh air. For Thea’s sake.

At least, I told myself that it was for her sake. But I think it was more for my own than anything.

I couldn’t bear to go home and see Agnes, even if she had a good explanation for that kiss. Because I feared if I did, I might finally have to face my true feelings.

I wanted Agnes. I wanted her all to myself, and I was tired of other people getting in the way.

But I wasn’t ready to admit it. Not to her, not to Thea, and certainly not to myself.

Perhaps that made me a coward, but it was true.

The drive to our usual spot was more quiet than usual, and not the good kind of quiet. This quiet felt suffocating, like all the air had been sucked out of the car. Thea sat in the backseat, her face pressed against the window as she stared out at the passing trees.

She hadn’t said much since we left the estate earlier, and I didn’t push her. I knew she was upset, and I didn’t have the words to make it better right now.

When we finally arrived, the familiar sight of the clearing where we’d camped dozens of times before brought a small sense of relief. I parked the car and got out, taking a deep breath of the crisp, pine-scented air. Thea climbed out after me, clutching her stuffed bear to her chest. She’d insisted on bringing it with her.

“Ready to set up camp?” I asked, forcing a smile.

She nodded, but her usual enthusiasm was missing. She followed me as I unloaded the tent and supplies, and every move she made seemed slow and listless. It hurt to see her like this, so unlike the bright, energetic girl I knew.

We worked in silence, setting up the tent and gathering kindling. Thea helped, but her heart clearly wasn’t in it. Truthfully, mine wasn’t either.

Lately, I’d been quietly considering bringing all three of us here—Agnes included—for some time away from the hustle and bustle of our normal routines. I knew she would love it, too, and that just made it hurt even more.

I felt… guilty for running, if I was being honest. Maybe I should have stayed, but in those moments when I had held Thea’s crying form in my arms, I had made a snap decision to just… get away.

It was too late now, I supposed. And maybe a little distance for a day or two wouldn’t hurt. After all, I still felt like that strange, intoxicating scent was jammed up my nostrils, clouding my senses.

What was that scent, I wondered? Agnes’s wolf was still hidden away, so her scent was, for the most part, nonexistent. And even if she did have her wolf’s scent, this seemed different somehow. More cloying and enrapturing.

Did her ex smell it, too? Was that why he had kissed her—because he, like me, couldn’t bear it?

The very thought made my blood pressure spike, and I quickly shoved the thoughts away, focusing instead on pitching the tent.

Once the camp was set up, I suggested we go fishing. Thea loved fishing, and I hoped it would help take both of our minds off things for a little while. She nodded, and we made our way down to the nearby brook, the sound of the water soothing as it flowed over the rocks.

I handed her a child-sized fishing rod, and she took it without a word. We sat on the bank, the sun warm on our faces as we cast our lines into the water.

For a while, we just sat there in silence, the only sounds the rustling of the trees and the occasional splash of a fish breaking the surface of the water. I glanced at Thea once when her line tugged, indicating that a fish was nibbling at the bait, but she didn’t even react.

“You okay, sweetheart?” I asked softly.

She nodded, but her lower lip trembled. “I just… I don’t understand why Mommy kissed that man.”

My chest tightened, and I looked away, focusing on the water. “I don’t know either,” I admitted. “But sometimes… people make mistakes.”

Thea didn’t respond, and we sat there in silence for a while longer. Eventually, she caught a small fish, and for a moment, her face lit up with excitement. But it was fleeting, and soon she was quiet again, her smile fading as she released the fish back into the water.

We spent the rest of the day foraging for berries and exploring the woods, but Thea’s sadness was palpable. She barely ate her s’mores that night over the fire, a rare treat that used to get her excited enough to dance around with glee.

The more I watched my daughter’s spirit fade, the more my heart ached with guilt. I had only ever wanted to protect her, to give her a normal childhood. But somehow, I had let her get caught up in my love life, in things she shouldn’t have to worry about at her age.

She was supposed to be worrying about school, about making friends and which animated princesses were her favorite.

Not… this.

What Olivia had done had aged Thea in ways I’d always resented. The verbal and emotional torment had made Thea more aware, more cautious than most other kids. At first, it was disturbing, but I supposed I had gotten used to it over the years.

And I supposed that was why I accidentally let her become too privy to my love life. She wasn’t a teenager; she was a little girl.

I should have protected her against Olivia, yes, but I also should have protected her against myself. And I hadn’t. And now here she was, getting involved in adult matters that shouldn’t have concerned her at all, and she was hurting.

As we sat there by the fire, the stars began to appear in the sky, their soft light twinkling above us. I leaned back, pulling Thea with me as we lay on the ground, staring up at the vast expanse of the night sky.

A star streaked across the sky then, and I made a vow to protect Thea from now on as best I could. No, better. Even if I needed to put a hold on my own romantic future, then I would. I had to do whatever was necessary to ensure she had a normal, happy childhood.

I knew Thea wanted a mother more than anything, but I also needed to be her father. And I had given in one too many times; I had brought more drama into our lives than we perhaps needed, thanks to my lingering bond with Olivia. Nothing, no amount of affection for Agnes, could make that mating bond go away.

Perhaps that was why Agnes had kissed Mason; not because of that strange scent, but something more.

Because I couldn’t give Agnes the love she wanted, the love she deserved.

And now Thea was the one who was hurting the most from it.

When the fire had died down to embers, I glanced over at Thea. She was asleep by now, still clutching her teddy bear. I let out a soft sigh, then sat up and carried Thea to the tent and laid her down on her sleeping bag.

Suddenly, as I was laying her down, the bear squished between us and set off the mechanism inside.

“Mommy and Daddy love you, Thea!” mine and Agnes’s voices echoed through the tent. I suppressed a curse, my chest constricting painfully at the sound. Thea stirred slightly, her eyes fluttering open.

“Daddy?”

My throat bobbed. “Yeah, sweetheart?”

“I miss Agnes already,” she whispered.

My heart burned, and I reached out, brushing a strand of hair from her face. “I miss her too,” I admitted.

In fact, I missed Agnes a lot more than I knew I should.