Chapter 168

Kayla

I stared at the small vial in my hands, the honey-colored liquid catching the light as I turned it over and over between my trembling fingers. My vision swam, my heart pounding frantically against the inside of my ribs at what I was about to do.

Was I really going to do this? Was I going to take the potion the witch had given to me, potentially causing a miscarriage, in the hopes of making my wolf emerge?

I hesitated, my finger tracing the rim of the tiny glass vial. This felt stupid, utterly stupid, and yet…

My eyes flicked to the bottle of abortion pills that were still sitting on my nightstand, mocking me.

I had three options.

Do nothing and hope for the best, potentially dying with my baby dying alongside me.

Take the abortion pills and save myself, but certainly kill my baby.

Or…

Take the potion and risk a miscarriage—with a chance of making my wolf emerge instead, saving both myself and my baby.

My fist tightened around the vial. This felt like a gamble, but it was a gamble I was willing to take at this point. Not just for the sake of myself and my baby, but my pack, too. If I had my wolf, finally, after all these years, people would take me seriously. The risks of a rebellion would drop to near-nothing. No one would dare try to take me down.

Luna Kayla, Luna of Nightcrest and Bluemoon, fully-fledged werewolf with an Alpha by her side.

We would finally be… safe. Complete.

Whole.

Just then, the pain in my body flared again as I took a sharp inhale, radiating outward from my throat, and I made my decision in a moment of weakness. I pushed myself up from the bed, ignoring the way my body protested, and staggered into the en suite bathroom. The cool tile beneath my feet felt steadying, somehow.

I closed the door behind me, leaning against it for support. The mirror above the sink reflected a desperate woman back at me, and I felt like a fool.

But before I could change my mind, I uncorked the vial. The scent that wafted out was earthy, like forest soil after a fresh rainfall. I lifted it to my lips, hesitating one final time.

I’m doing this for us, I thought, my free hand drifting to my stomach. For both of us.

Then, taking a deep breath that made my lungs burn, I drank the potion in one swift gulp.

It tasted vile, like rotten herbs, making me gag. I clutched the edge of the sink and forced it down, willing myself not to vomit.

One second passed, then two, then three. I stood there, gripping the counter, waiting for something, anything, to happen.

Nothing did.

I stared at my reflection once more, disappointment settling heavy in my gut. No different. I felt no different, other than the lingering bad taste of the potion coating my tongue. Had the witch tricked me? Given me colored water or some useless tea?

Just as I was about to turn away, deciding the potion was nothing but snake oil, something shifted. The edges of the room began to blur. Colors seemed sharper, smells more intense. I gripped the counter harder, trying to steady myself.

When I looked up at the mirror again, I didn’t see my own face staring back. Instead, a wolf with golden fur and piercing blue eyes gazed at me from behind the glass. I froze, unable to look away from those familiar eyes.

They were my eyes, but… not.

“Hello, Kayla,” a voice echoed inside my head.

I gasped, staggering backwards. The bathroom spun around me, the walls shifting like they were made of water. Nausea surged through, and I pressed a hand to my mouth, trying not to vomit.

“Who—” I tried to ask, but my legs gave out beneath me. As I fell, my arm swept across the counter, sending bottles and jars crashing to the floor with a cacophony of breaking glass.

My vision darkened at the edges then, the world narrowing to two pinpricks of light. Just before everything went black, I saw wolf paws padding across the floor toward me—translucent, ghost-like, moving without a body. My wolf, coming for me at last.

Then…

Nothing.

I woke to the sound of voices and sounds that were too loud, like everything in the whole world was happening right around me, all and once. My head pounded, and my mouth felt dry, as if I had been chewing on a ball of cotton. I was no longer on the bathroom floor but back in bed, tucked beneath the heavy covers.

“How could you not tell me about this?”

Nicholas’s voice. He sounded angry.

No, furious.

As my eyes fluttered open, I saw him standing at the foot of the bed, his shoulders rigid. Jade was hovering nearby, her face ashen, her hands twisting together nervously.

The moment Nicholas saw my eyes open, he whirled to face me. Worry and fury battled in his expression, his jaw clenched so tight I could see the muscle twitching beneath his skin.

My hand flew to my belly, and my eyes darted to Jade. She slowly shook her head, a silent indication that the baby hadn’t been lost.

But when I reached inside of myself, searching for that strange presence I had briefly glimpsed in the mirror, I found… nothing. My wolf was still gone, still hidden somewhere I couldn’t reach.

Nicholas held up the empty vial between his fingers. “What the fuck were you thinking?” he growled.

I swallowed, wincing at the pain in my throat. “I had to try,” I whispered, the words barely audible. “For the baby.”

“Try what exactly? Poisoning yourself?” Nicholas’s voice began to rise. “Do you have any idea how dangerous this was? Jade told me everything. A potion from a witch? With a risk of miscarriage?”

I glared at Jade, caught somewhere between understanding and betrayal. Of course she would tell him; he was her Alpha, and I was just… the wolfless wretch he’d married. She looked away, unable to meet my eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “When I found you unconscious… I had to tell him.”

I turned back to Nicholas, trying to push myself up straighter against the pillows. “I had no choice,” I said, each word scraping painfully against my injured throat. “The doctor wanted me to abort the baby, but I couldn’t. This was the only way.”

“The only way?” Nicholas repeated, incredulous. “The only way was to drink some unknown concoction that could have killed you both? Without even telling me?”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Would you have even let me if I did tell you?”

“Of course not!” he exploded. “Because it was a stupid, reckless thing to do!”

“But it’s not your choice,” I managed, my jaw clenching. “It’s my body. It’s my wolf. And I’m tired of being a fucking weakling because of it.”

Nicholas ran a hand through his hair, pacing now. “You can’t keep acting this way, Kayla. You can’t keep making these rash decisions without thinking about the consequences. I know it sucks that you don’t have a wolf, but the world isn’t all about you—there are other people in your life who care about what happens to you.”

Who care about what happens to you. The words hit harder than I expected, bringing unwanted tears to my eyes. I blinked them away, refusing to let them fall.

“I was just trying to give our baby a better chance than the alternative,” I croaked, gesturing to the bottle of pills.

Nicholas glanced at the bottle, and for a moment, his expression softened. But he quickly hardened it again and shook his head. “And what about the pack? What about everything we’re working toward? We’ll never find the relic of Luporath if you die pulling stunts like this.”

My stomach lurched.

The relic. Of course.

I went still, something cold and hard settling in my chest as I took in his words. Grace’s warnings echoed in my mind.

The tears I’d been holding back dried up, replaced by a hollow feeling. I stared at Nicholas, seeing him with new eyes. Was that all I was to him? A means to an end? A tool to find some ancient wolf artifact?

I turned my face away, not wanting to show my pain.

“I’m sorry,” I managed.

Nicholas stopped his pacing and blinked at me. I could feel him staring at me, could see his hands curling and uncurling at his sides. He just stood there for a long moment, silent. Then, without another word, he left, the door closing firmly behind him.

Jade lingered once he was gone, hovering uncertainly by the foot of the bed. “I’m so sorry,” she said softly. “I didn’t want to tell him, but when I found you like that… I was scared, Kayla.”

I didn’t respond, my jaw clenching as I stared at the wall. I wasn’t mad at her, of course; it was just…

I had taken the potion, risked everything, and for what? My wolf had appeared to me only to vanish again. Nothing had changed.

What was the fucking point?

When I didn’t acknowledge her, Jade sighed and retreated from the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

The moment the door closed, all the fight drained out of me. I slumped back against the pillows, exhausted and bitter and completely broken.