Chapter 154

Kayla

I looked up to see Nicholas approaching, his face pale. “Are you alright?” he asked, stopping a little ways away from where I was standing.

I quickly turned away, hoping he couldn’t see the tears welling up in my eyes. “I’m fine.”

“Kayla.” Nicholas stepped in my way. “Talk to me. Did something else happen out there during the hunt?”

“No,” I replied, shaking my head. “I’m just tired, that’s all. And worried about Nora.”

Nicholas didn’t look entirely convinced, and he was right in feeling that way. But how could I tell him about Nora’s confession? About everything I felt? About the audio recording and how every moment since the wedding felt like I was moving one step closer to drowning?

I almost expected him to turn and leave after that, widening the distance between us that had been there since the wedding. But when I looked up, Nicholas was still standing there, his arms folded across his chest.

He stared at me for a few moments, his eyes flickering with something unreadable, before he finally said, “The others keep saying we should ‘talk’.”

I didn’t bother to hide my snort. “There’s nothing to talk about,” I bit out, moving to brush past him so I could return to the feast.

But Nicholas stepped in my way abruptly, his hand coming up to press against the tree behind me. He caged me in with his body, not in the same aggressive, lustful nature he had so many times before, but almost… desperate.

“Don’t walk away from me, Kayla,” he murmured, his voice a low growl rumbling in his chest.

With my breath catching in my throat, I tilted my head to look up at him. “Get out of my way,” I hissed in return.

“No.” He took a step closer, nearly pressing me against the tree with the broad plane of his chest.

In that moment, as I looked up at him, feeling the warmth of his body pressing against me, it felt as if all of the heartbreak and rage I’d felt over the past weeks began to bubble to the surface. I looked up at him, and I saw a man that I wanted to kiss and call mine, and yet I wanted to slap him across the face in the same breath.

And right now, every moment of anger, every word I’d heard him say, everything Nora had told me, felt like it was echoing through me a thousand times over.

“Move,” I repeated through grit teeth, my eyes flashing. I wanted him to get away from me, not to feel the absence of his warmth, but because I feared I might do something I’d regret.

But Nicholas just pressed me harder against the tree, his own eyes glowing golden like embers for the briefest moment. “No.”

Before I could stop myself, my hand shot up to slap him. But he caught my wrist with ease, pinning it to the tree above my head before I could.

My chest heaved, the pressure against his so great that I could hardly get a breath in. I writhed against his grip, but it was no use. He was too strong. And frankly, a big part of me, the part that still wanted him—wanted my mate—more than anything didn’t even want to pull away from him.

For a moment, just a moment, I was transported back to that small room on the day he’d chosen me as his Luna. The way he had pinned me to the wall in the very same fashion, body squeezed to mine, breath warm across my neck.

The beast in him had made my knees tremble then, and it did the very same now. Only now, the she-beast in me clawed against the underside of my skin, urging me toward him, raging, begging to press my lips to his.

At the end of the day, I still wanted him. I hated him, but I wanted him more than I wanted air or moonlight, and I hated that I did.

And most of all, I hated that he could tell how badly I wanted him just from a single glance.

His eyes flicked over me, something cruel and possessive curling his lip. “All business, eh?” he murmured, moving his free hand to graze his finger across the line where my jacket met my throat. “Is that how you really feel, Kayla?”

My heart stopped in my chest at that.

“What did you say?”

His eyes flashed, and his fingers curled around my jacket. “I heard you that day at the wedding. Telling Jade and Emma that our relationship was all business, that it was never about love.”

I stared at him incredulously, my mind reeling. He had heard that? “You were eavesdropping on me?” I whispered.

He chuckled, but there was no humor in it. “Eavesdropping? No, I was going to fucking bring you a rose and tickets for our honeymoon. But I heard you saying that, and it made me see your true colors.”

My head spun. I didn’t know what to say, what to do, what to even think. “Honeymoon?” I echoed, my voice smaller than I wanted it to be.

At that, Nicholas released me, taking a step back. He furrowed his brow. “You look surprised.”

“Because I thought you had no intention of going on a honeymoon,” I blurted out, smoothing down the front of my jacket. “I thought…”

My voice trailed off, and I couldn’t find it in me to say it out loud. I kept thinking back to the audio Nora had played for me, the clip of Nicholas saying that he only planned on marrying me for Bluemoon, not for love. If he only felt that way, then why the hell did he have a honeymoon planned?

Nicholas’s jaw feathered. “Spit it out, Kayla. Before I lose interest again.”

I swallowed hard and looked up at him. “I know what you said about me. About only marrying me so you could become the Alpha of Bluemoon, not for love. Nora had a recording of you saying it. She showed it to me right before the ceremony.”

Nicholas went pale, as if he’d just seen a ghost. I knew, then, that the audio had to be real. He had said those words.

“I figured,” I muttered, moving to brush past him. “Honeymoon, my ass. Was that just another tactic to keep me placated?”

Before I could move away, Nicholas grabbed my wrist, pulling me back. “No,” he said firmly, and the tone in his voice gave me pause.

“Did you say it or did you not?” I tilted my chin at him.

“I did,” he replied, his eyes dropping to the snowy ground. “But you should know that’s not how I feel now.”

I frowned and tugged my wrist away, folding my arms across my chest. “What are you saying?”

“Once,” Nicholas said, running a hand through his hair, “I did feel that way—I wanted Bluemoon, wanted the power it provided, wanted a powerful Luna for my own gain. That’s the only reason why I picked you that day.”

Of course.

“If you’re trying to make yourself seem like less of an asshole, it’s not working.”

With that, I turned on my heel, storming away.

“But since then, I fell for you, Kayla. I’m in love with you.”

I stopped, my chest burning suddenly. A white cloud exhaled from my mouth, dissipating in the cold winter air.

Love?

“I mean it,” Nicholas said from behind me. “I said those things, yes. I felt those things. I was a fucking asshole, okay? But I fell for you. I don’t feel that way anymore. I haven’t felt that way in months.”

Slowly, uncertainly, I turned to look at him. I expected him to smirk, to laugh, to tell me he was just fucking with me. But instead, all I saw was a sincere look in his wide eyes.

For a long second, I just stood there, not sure what to say or do. He did say those cruel things after all—he did view me as just a means to an end at one point. But now he was saying that he had fallen for me.

That he… loved me.

“Hearing you say that our relationship was all business broke my heart in ways I never thought it could,” Nicholas bit out, looking away. His jaw ticked. “If that’s how you really feel, then fine. But don’t go confusing me, looking at me like you want me, manipulating the mate bond like you did earlier—”

“I didn’t manipulate it,” I said softly, taking a step forward without even meaning to. “And I only said those things on our wedding day because I thought that was how you felt.”

Nicholas scoffed. “No, Kayla. That’s not how I felt. Our wedding day was the happiest day in my life.”

“But you rushed it,” I breathed. “I thought you were rushing it because you wanted to become Bluemoon’s Alpha as quickly as—”

“I rushed it because I love you, and I wanted to marry you as soon as possible.”

My throat tightened. I fell silent, too silent.

“Nicholas, I…”

My voice trailed off, but Nicholas just shook his head, closing the distance between us in two quick strides. He took my hands in his, lifting them and pressing my cold fingers to his lips. My face heated to an impossible degree as he met my gaze.

“You should have just talked to me,” he said, his voice soft. “Instead of letting it fester.”

I flushed, but couldn’t find it in me to look away. “Yeah. I guess I should have. So should you.”

Nicholas’s eyes softened slightly. “I don’t expect you to forgive me right away,” he said, “but I want to know: do you want to be married to me still?”

I swallowed hard, opening my mouth to respond. Just then, the sound of Emma’s frantic voice calling to us made us both turn to see her running toward us.

“Nicholas! Kayla!” she breathed, coming to a stop in front of us. “I just heard from Jade. Nora had complications, and she’s going into emergency surgery right now.”