Chapter 136

Kayla

“Get it over with,” I hissed through clenched teeth, slamming a cupboard shut with force. I picked up the bowl and whirled around toward the fridge, making no attempt to muffle the sound of my stomping footsteps as I stormed over and flung it open. “The small details don’t matter that much…”

I rolled my eyes as I yanked the milk out of the fridge. The white liquid sloshed onto the counter as I poured it into my bowl of cereal, but I didn’t care. I didn’t even really notice.

I was too angry to notice.

For weeks now, I had convinced myself that what we were doing was just sex—nothing more, nothing less. And I had convinced myself that I was okay with that.

Of course I wasn’t. Of course I wanted a real wedding, to be loved by a man who, in his words, ‘planned on taking a lifetime vacation’ together.

I rolled my eyes, suddenly not feeling hungry as I stared down at the bowl of cereal in front of me. First Liam, and now this.

And what was worse was that I had essentially, for all intents and purposes, done this to myself.

I knew what Nicholas was when we started sleeping together. I knew that he was a playboy, that he had slept with many women before he met me. And I knew his chances of actually changing were pretty damn slim.

But somehow, either out of hopeful naivety or perhaps just plain old stupidity, I had gotten entrenched. And now here I was, slamming around the kitchen, eating cereal for dinner because I was too pissed to cook a real meal for myself.

I sighed, setting the bowl down and pinching the bridge of my nose. I shut my eyes and breathed deeply to steady myself. In, out. In, out. In…

“Dammit,” I huffed, letting the air out in a rush. I hadn’t even remembered to breathe on that last count.

Suddenly, the sound of a familiar voice echoed through the kitchen. “Kayla?”

I turned to see Jade and Emma standing in the doorway, looking concerned, and I quickly realized that they—and probably everyone else in this house—had likely heard my little tantrum.

“What’s up?” I asked, feigning calm as I shoved a spoonful of cereal into my mouth. It tasted like cardboard.

Jade and Emma looked at each other for a moment before Emma said, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Kayla…” The warning look in Jade’s eyes made me pause, another spoonful halfway to my mouth.

I sighed again and set the spoon and the bowl back down. “I made a mistake,” I admitted, passing both hands over my face. “I shouldn’t have slept with him. And now my feelings are all fucked up and… and…”

I couldn’t even get the rest of my thought out; it was too jumbled to make any sense.

Without hesitating, Jade and Emma both moved forward, placing their hands on my back. I didn’t have time to protest before they were wheeling me toward the back door. “Where are we going?” I asked.

“Training,” Jade replied first.

“It’s a new moon,” Emma added with a coy smile. “Everyone goes out to train on nights like this. It’s where we were headed, actually.”

Sure enough, as we made our way outside, the sky was dark, which was oddly invigorating. Even without a wolf, I couldn’t deny the impact that the new moon and full moon had on me, on all of us. The new moon typically meant renewed energy and a release of frustrations, while the full moon meant clarity and unity.

“I guess I’ve been too preoccupied to notice the phases,” I muttered, drawing my cardigan tighter around myself as we made our way to the training grounds.

Jade shot me a knowing look. “We can tell.”

Of course they could. They always could. Despite everything, that made me smile, even if only a little.

When we approached the training ground, it was already full. Warriors were sparring in their human forms, others were tumbling across the ground in their wolf forms. Some were just running wildly, and at the far end, Nora was leading a group in a yoga practice.

Nicholas wasn’t there, of course. He was busy working at the guild hall. I hadn’t seen him since our photography session that morning.

Noah and Marcus were standing by the training dummies, taking turns shooting arrows at an apple sitting on top of one of the dummies’ heads. They glanced up as the three of us approached.

“Finally dragged the witch out of her cave, I see,” Marcus remarked as he loosed another arrow at the apple. The arrow struck the apple smack dab in the center, splitting it and sending sticky fruit gunk showering all over the sandy ground.

I rolled my eyes, but joined them in training. We all took turns firing arrows for a while, then moved on to some bow staff practice, something that I hadn’t done in a while. After about twenty minutes, my knuckles were red and sore but I felt marginally better.

It wasn’t enough, though.

With each thwack of the bow staff, I let out a small grunt of frustration. I felt like a fool for giving in to Nicholas’s charms. No, more than a fool. A downright idiot for ever thinking that someone like Nicholas could actually change. That he might actually fall for me, leave behind his playboy ways, and genuinely marry a woman with no wolf.

By the time we were tired and sweaty, I still felt too angry to stop. It took both Noah and Marcus blocking my moves for an additional ten minutes, waiting for me to tire myself out, before I finally dropped my bow staff and relented.

As I chugged some water, my four friends gathered around me, staring at me like they were planning on an intervention.

But I was surprised when Marcus nodded his chin toward the forest trails, where a group of wolves were gathering, and said, “Wanna go for a run with us?”

I hesitated, glancing first at my friends then at the group of wolves—all in wolf form.

“In case you need reminding, I can’t shift,” I said, taking another bitter gulp of water.

Noah placed his hand on my shoulder. “You can ride on my back.”

The very thought made my cheeks redden instantly. I’d only ridden on a wolf’s back once in the past five years, and that was when we had made that first hike up to Grace’s cabin and needed to move quickly. Riding on a wolf’s back was something that children did.

“No,” I said, turning away.

But Jade pushed me back toward Noah. “Say yes,” she commanded.

I narrowed my eyes, but it was too late. They were already ushering me toward the group gathering at the edge of the forest, and it seemed they weren’t going to take no for an answer.

When Noah shifted in front of me, lowering himself slightly to let me onto his back, I hesitated once more. The dark forest was calling to me, the sound of the other wolves yipping and growling with anticipation speaking to a primal part of myself that was always there, whether I had a wolf or not.

I wanted to, truly. And as the wind rustled through the trees, inviting me in, I finally relented.

“Fine,” I huffed, grabbing a fistful of Noah’s silky fur and climbing onto his back. “But I’d better not hear about this in the morning.”

As I suspected, some of the other wolves glanced over, no doubt judging me. But since I was their Luna, those glances didn’t linger for too long. For now, at least. Although I was certain they would be talking about it to each other in private later.

However, once we all took off, Noah included, I couldn’t help but smile a little. The sensation of his powerful body rippling beneath me, his fur entwined through my fingers, the other wolves surging around us as we raced through the forest…

This was right. Like an itch that hadn’t been scratched in some time. It wasn’t the same as having my own wolf, or even riding on the back of Nicholas’s motorcycle, but it was something.

Noah, sensing my exhilaration, picked up speed. Wind whipped through my hair, cooling my flushed cheeks. I let out a small laugh as he leaped over a narrow stream, and he glanced up at me over his shoulder, his wolf’s eyes shining even without the moon in the sky.

For a moment, just a moment, I let myself give in to the feeling of peace. I smiled, leaning forward and resting my cheek on his back. I shut my eyes and just basked in the wind and the darkness.

But when I sat up again, my cheek was damp from tears.