Chapter 133

Kayla

The first couple of weeks that Nicholas was an official member of the guild passed in a whirlwind. Day after day seemed to encompass some sort of interview or public statement or another, while night after night was filled with paperwork, preparations, and plans for the next leg of Nicholas’s goals.

His next plan? To take one of the two esteemed positions as chairman of the guild—the top two positions on the board—when Kieran would retire in less than a year.

Kieran was getting on in age, so it was only a matter of time until he retired and his position as chairman opened up. Nicholas intended to campaign for that position.

“I need that position at all costs,” Nicholas said, hardly looking up from the stack of paperwork at his desk.

Noah, perched on a nearby armchair, crossed his arms over his chest. “Knowing Kieran, you’d better prepare to kiss a whole lot of ass over the next year. He’s not as much of a slippery bastard as Gray is—was—but he’s still a jackass just like the rest of them.”

Nicholas just snorted, seemingly unfazed by the notion. I was learning not to be fazed, too—thanks to Nicholas’s steadfast and unerring confidence. If he thought he stood a chance to become one of the two top members of the guild, and if he thought doing so would not only help him figure out what really happened to his mother but also make real changes in our society, then I had no doubt he would do it.

But I had my own things to worry about, too. We still hadn’t found the alleged antidote for my father’s coma.

My father’s condition was stable, of course, just as it had been for more than two years. We had time to figure it out, if Noah was even right in his assertion as to what had caused my father’s coma. But it still frustrated me.

What frustrated me even more was that Nicholas hadn’t slowed down on the wedding plans one bit.

While he was attending guild meetings and rubbing elbows, I was busy handling wedding preparations.

“Are you sure we can’t slow down the wedding planning?” I asked, glancing at Nicholas from where I was leaning against the windowsill. “It’s eating up a lot of time. Time that I don’t have in endless supply.”

Indeed, between worrying about my father, handling Bluemoon matters from afar, and the wedding preparations, I felt like I was burning the candle at both ends.

Nicholas looked up at me. “If you don’t enjoy doing it, the wedding planner can handle everything.”

I frowned. “It’s not that I don’t enjoy it. It’s just… Do we really need to move so fast? The investigation into our relationship was officially closed. We don’t need to keep up the act so much anymore.”

“I don’t see an issue with it,” Nicholas said simply, setting down his pen for a moment. He leaned back in his chair and clasped his hands in his lap, looking up at me. “The sooner the better.”

Beside me, Noah shifted slightly, clearing his throat and rising. “I have to… do something,” he muttered before slipping out of the room. Nicholas and I watched him go, brows furrowed.

Surely it wasn’t easy for Noah to have to hear about our wedding plans, especially when I knew he still had feelings for me. We hadn’t spoken about it. None of us had.

As for Nicholas and I…

I glanced down at the large diamond on my finger, twirling it slightly. The stone caught the amber light from the nearby lamp, practically absorbing it so that it almost seemed to glow within itself.

Nicholas and I hadn’t discussed the true nature of our wedding yet. Hell, we hadn’t discussed much of anything since we had begun sleeping together. I kept telling myself that I was content to just enjoy ourselves for now, to not put labels on it, but it was becoming more and more difficult by the day.

Especially now that we’d said we’d loved each other in front of the guild.

Was it real that day? Or was it just another act to get them to leave us alone?

Truthfully, I was just afraid to ask because I was afraid of the response I might get. I had already had my heart broken with Liam. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to let it fracture again, especially when it was still so tender and sore.

But Nicholas was still staring at me, and when I glanced up at him and saw the puzzled look on his face, I knew I couldn’t remain silent forever.

“I just feel like we could back off a little,” I ventured. “Maybe take some more time to plan a wedding that isn’t so… cookie-cutter.”

Nicholas stared at me almost in disbelief, and I felt my stomach sink.

“Why?” he asked. “Is it really necessary?”

My stomach sank even further.

“I…” I didn’t know what to say, truthfully. Something about his serious look made me wonder if I had indeed been misreading things all this time, so I finally shook my head. “No, it’s not.”

Nicholas looked at me for a moment longer before he picked up his pen and began to write once more. “That actually reminds me; we have an appointment for our wedding photos in a couple of days. Figure it’s easier to get the fancy portraits done beforehand rather than on the day of the wedding.”

A knot formed in my throat, but I managed a small, “Okay,” and made my way to the door. I hesitated, though, my hand on the doorknob, and chewed my lip thoughtfully.

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to know.

“Nicholas,” I said, turning.

He didn’t glance up from his paperwork. “Hm?”

I suddenly felt self conscious, but said, “Why is it so important to rush through the wedding preparations?”

He didn’t hesitate, nor did he look up. “We need to get married so I can become Bluemoon’s Alpha. The pack shouldn’t sit there without an Alpha for so long, and besides, I need to focus on becoming chairman. I don’t have time to be thinking about a wedding. It’s easier if we just get it over with.”

I stared at him, my mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. No matter how much I tried to ignore it, that… hurt.

Just get it over with.

Those words hurt a lot. A lot more than I wanted to admit to him or even myself. And it hurt so much that my eyes began to sting, the first telltale signs of tears.

“I’ll add the photography appointment to my calendar,” I managed, turning away.

“No need. I already added it for you.”

“Thanks.”

I swung the door open, rapidly blinking to dispel the tears. But before I could go, Nicholas called out, “Oh, and Kayla?”

I froze, my heart fluttering slightly at the tone in his voice. For a moment, just a moment, I wondered if I would turn and see that roguish smile, if he would jump up and kiss me and tell me he was just messing with me.

“Yes?” I asked, glancing over my shoulder at him.

But he wasn’t smiling. He didn’t even look up from his paperwork at all as he said, “Make sure to bring your wedding dress and a cocktail dress to the appointment so we can take the engagement photos on the same day. We’ll print the invitations that day so we’ll need the engagement photos for them.”

“Oh. Okay.”

I didn’t wait for him to say anything else, not that it seemed he was planning on it, before I quickly left the office.

Once I was out of sight, I felt my knees go weak. I stopped in the hallway, pressing my hand into the wall and drawing in a few deep inhales to steady myself.

We’re just having sex, I kept telling myself, as if that would help somehow. As if that would change the fact that for a brief moment in time, I had convinced myself that we might actually marry for love and not for the purpose of our—or rather, his—goals.

It was just a harsh reminder that, at the end of the day, Nicholas was still a man with a distinct playboy past. And although he had said he was a changed man at the debate, that was just an act for the cameras—once again, to achieve his goals.

Perhaps he hadn’t changed all that much. And I knew that change was unlikely going into this. I knew, every time I went to bed with him, that we were just supposed to be having fun. We had never discussed the possibility of a relationship that was more than sex.

Whatever was going on between us was just convenience and nothing more.

And if I weren’t around, he might have just as easily found someone else to fulfill his needs.