Chapter 95

Did Asher just say… I was his mate?

A sea of emotions washed over me, dragging me under them until I was drowning.

I wouldn’t deny the sweet satisfaction, fulfilling all my dreams of meaning so much to Asher. But more than that, panic surged within me.

Asher’s wolf was getting too attached to me.

Our inner wolves relied heavily on instinct and emotion. Sometimes the more complicated nuances of human relationships were lost to them.

If Asher’s wolf recognized me as his mate, then our fake relationship had confused it. The wolf must have misunderstood Asher’s deep caring for my protection as romantic feelings.

“Asher,” I said.

Something in my voice had him tensing. He stilled and quieted, like he was retreating into himself.

I knew what I had to do, for his sake, but it made my own heart break. “We have to call this off.”

His reply was nothing more than a tiny gasp, “Why?”

“You know why,” I said, too embarrassed to say the words aloud.

Asher lifted his head to look me in the eye. Confusion creased his brow. “Is this because you climaxed against me the other day?”

The panic subsided, only to make way for the flush of white hot embarrassment. My face was on fire. I tried to cover it, but he caught my hands.

“I told you, it’s not a big deal. It happens.”

Ug, he kept saying that! Why did he have to continue to bring this up?!

“That’s not what this is about!” I said quickly.

“Then what?”

Embarrassment made me bold. “Asher, you called me your mate.”

He froze. “I did…?”

So it was just his wolf after all. I didn’t know if that made everything better or worse. My disappointment told me it was the latter.

He swallowed thickly. “My wolf doesn’t… fully understand the situation between us.”

“Because we’re pretend dating.”

“No. Because I’m protecting you so fiercely. The dating has nothing to do with it.”

I wasn’t totally sure I believed him, especially when his gaze dropped away from mine.

“If your wolf is too attached –”

“It isn’t. I have it under control. What I said was a silly slip of the tongue, made in a moment of weakness and confusion. It won’t happen again.”

For reasons unknown, my heart sunk. But this was what I wanted, wasn’t it?

Even so…

“Asher, I want you to be happy.”

“I am happy.” His eyes found mine again. So easily, I could get lost in him.

But I had to stay strong. This was important.

“Hear me out, okay?” I said. “You have to promise me that if you happen to meet the perfect woman –”

“Cynthia—”

“Then you have to pursue it. Call off this whatever-this-is between us and go be happy.”

Asher frowned. “I’m not about to abandon you now, with this new creep hanging around.”

“I can handle him alone if I have to, Asher. You are more important.”

His frown deepened. He clearly didn’t agree. Yet before I could argue further, he spoke, “I’ll only say yes because I know it won’t happen.”

How ridiculous! Asher was worthy of love, and though it pained me to admit it, somewhere a girl was just waiting to make him happy. When I tempered down my jealousy, I could acknowledge that.

If he’d let me, I would be that girl. But he’d already made his feelings known, many times. He didn’t want me in a romantic way.

“Somewhere out there is the perfect girl for you,” I mumbled miserably.

“No,” he said with finality. “My perfect girl is not out there.”

What an odd way to emphasize those words. I didn’t understand what he meant. But the topic hurt my entire heart, so I was willing to let it go at that.

He’d agreed to my terms. That was enough.

I could deal with my own heartache later.

With lingering embarrassment, I realized I was still sitting in his lap. I scrambled to get off of him. Watching me, he moved much slower to rise.

“Are we okay?” Asher asked, eyeing the nervous way I laced my fingers together.

I pulled them apart, stuffing my hands into my pockets instead. “Yeah. We’re okay.”

“You aren’t still upset about riding me–”

“Asher!”

Later, I went to see my cousin Nancy at the maternity hospital for a check-up. We hadn’t talked in a while, so it was nice to see her and catch up.

“I’m so proud of you,” Nancy said, as we cleaned up after the ultrasound. The baby looked healthy. The pregnancy was going smoothly, in no small part to Lilith’s diligent care.

I was also starting to show, with some weight gathering at my waist. My shirts were getting tight. I’d have to buy new, looser clothing soon, to hide the growing bulge.

“Did you have any other questions for me?” Nancy asked. She finished putting the equipment away.

“One.” I worried my bottom lip with my teeth. “About… wolf abilities.”

I had been thinking about this for a while, ever since the night with Brent in the park. I knew my ability was powerful, and that I shouldn’t share too many details. But I also wanted to make sure I was safe.

When I’d used it, it had made me so exhausted.

Nancy’s eyes widened. “Have you experienced…?”

I nodded.

Nancy glanced around. The door was slightly ajar but the hallway beyond was clear. Even so, she looked at me nervously. “Let’s talk hypotheticals.”

Her caution worried me, reminding me of Lilith’s warning words. My gifts were special, and could so easily be exploited. I had to be careful. Even here, in the hospital.

“Hypothetically… if a person were to develop the ability to create projections of people. Like, apparitions… and could make them act and say whatever the person wanted…”

“Cynthia.” As I’d spoken, Nancy’s expression grew more and more dire. She spoke now with utmost seriousness. “Such a gift is more than just unusual. It’s one of the rarest there is.”

She touched my shoulder. “Hypothetically, if you know someone who has that ability, I would insist that they be extremely vigilant not to reveal it to anyone. Especially not if they are, say, as young as you.”

So Lilith was right. This ability was exceedingly powerful, and just as dangerous.

“If a person were to use that ability, and it made them very tired…” I said.

“Practice would make them grow stronger, but Cynthia, truly… it might be better to let that ability wane.”

“It could be used for good.” Like how I had helped Aimee.

“More likely, it would be used against y—the person who wields it. Powerful people would love to have access to such a skill. And they aren’t the only ones. Projection is far too dangerous –”

“Projection?” said someone from the doorway, and a new nurse appeared.

She looked entirely severe, from the harsh angles of her face to the tightness of the bun at the back of her head. Her gaze was intense, assessing the room with a quick once over.

“Nurse Irene, I’m with a patient,” Nancy said, crossing her arms.

Nurse Irene did not seem the least apologetic. “I was just passing through, and I heard the magic word. Don’t keep it a secret from me, Nancy. You know I completed a thesis on the wolf ability of projection. I’ve been dying to get my hands on the real deal.”

The eagerness of her tone made me nervous.

Her focus shifted to me, and I felt like a specimen under a microscope. “Is this the gifted young lady?”