Chapter 9

Listening to the sudden voice in my head, I froze. I held the door to the Registrar’s Office halfway open, halfway closed.

“Don’t do this,” the voice said.

At once, I released the handle as if it burned me. The door drifted closed.

I backed away a step. I glanced around but there was no one near me.

There were no speakers on the walls or ground. My phone was tucked inside my purse.

That voice could be coming from nowhere but inside my own mind.

“Who are you?” I whispered.

“I’m Lilith,” the voice replied. “Your wolf.”

Surprise shot through me. My wolf? I didn’t think I was special enough to have a wolf.

Not every werewolf had their own wolf within them, and for those that did, the wolves never appeared until the person became an official adult at age 19.

For me to hear my wolf at age 18 was unheard of. I was actively hearing it, and yet I still couldn’t be sure I wasn’t actually imagining it.

“Lilith,” I said, and the name felt good on my tongue. Something seemed to click within me, a sense of rightness sliding into a spot I hadn’t noticed was empty before.

My legs wobbled, weak. I found a park bench and sat down. I was torn between disbelief and wonder.

People walked on campus all around me, going about their own days. No one paid any attention to me. No one could possibly have any idea of the miracle currently happening within me.

“How… How did this happen?” I asked.

“You called to me,” Lilith explained. “I felt your intense shift of emotions, and then I felt the baby. I could no longer slumber when I was so needed.”

I’d certainly been under enough stress.

“Does this mean I can shift now?”

“No. We are yet not strong enough for that.” Lilith’s steady voice brought a soothing calm.

I relaxed listening to her words, enough to believe this was real.

“I know what you are planning here, and I cannot let you give up on your dreams.”

“I don’t want to,” I admitted. I trusted Lilith instantly, and felt safe sharing. “But I have to do what’s necessary for the baby.”

I wrapped my arms protectively around my middle. Competitive cheerleading and dance was too dangerous for a pregnant woman. An injury to me could be deadly for my baby.

“I’ve always been here, sleeping but aware,” Lilith said. “I’ve grown with you, even if I couldn’t make my presence known. I know more than anyone how much you’ve suffered to be where you are.”

“That doesn’t matter,” I said, though I didn’t mean it. The sacrifice hurt me deeply.

“I’m not yet at full strength, I lack the power to shift. But I am not helpless. I can protect you and the baby inside of you.”

I didn’t want to give myself false hope about what that could mean. “I’m glad you’re here, but it’s okay.” My voice trembled as I said, “I’ve accepted my choice.”

“Liar,” Lilith whispered. “You cannot hide from me. I am here within you. We are one.”

I wanted to cry. “Lilith.”

“Cynthia, hear me. I will let no harm come to the child. You don’t need to sacrifice any longer.”

“You don’t mean… You can’t…”

Lilith waited patiently for me to gather my thoughts.

“Are you saying I can stay at the Academy?”

Lilith answered, “Yes.”

Back in the safety of my dorm room, I ignored my half-packed bag still on my bed and called Nancy.

“My wolf appeared,” I told her the moment she answered the phone. “It said that I could keep dancing. That it would protect me and the baby. Is that really possible?”

Nancy gasped. “Your wolf? Are you sure? At only 18?”

“There’s no doubt,” I said. “Her name is Lilith.”

“In that case, yes,” Nancy said. “The wolf can strengthen the uterus. Even women in labor have less complications with a wolf present.”

Understanding the wolf would protect me at what would be my most vulnerable moment was a comfort, but not what I needed right now.

“But can it really protect us if I continue cheerleading and dancing?”

“For a time,” Nancy said, then elaborated, “With your wolf, exercise in the first trimester of pregnancy is acceptable. Though you will have to be cautious to watch for any signs of miscarriage.”

Hope blossomed anew within me. If I could exercise for that long, then maybe I could take the midterm exam after all. “How do I do that? What are the signs?”

“I’ll help you,” Nancy said, her own voice brightening as if excited. “We’ll do regular check-ups. I can keep track of your condition and stop you immediately if there is a problem.”

Relief flooded through my veins. “Okay. I can do that.”

“You have to promise to listen to me, though, no matter what I say,” Nancy told me. “If I say stop, you have to stop.”

“I understand.” I bounced on my feet, not believing my luck.

I’d been so close to losing everything and giving up. Lilith’s arrival had been straight out of my prayers.

I went from having no chance to being given another shot.

Unbidden, I wondered what Asher would think.

Maybe you don’t belong here, he’d said. I couldn’t wait to prove him wrong.

“Thank you, Lilith,” I whispered.

Lilith’s reassuring presence washed over my mind. “I need no thanks.”

“Cynthia, I want to make one last thing clear,” Nancy said, reclaiming my focus. “This is not entirely without risk. If your wolf is ever weakened, or if the movements are too dangerous, or if you overexert yourself, the child may still be harmed.”

Lilith rumbled, low and protective, in the back of my throat. I swallowed it down.

“I know,” I said. “I’ll be careful.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

After hanging up with Nancy, I returned the clothes that I had packed to the drawers of my dresser.

Then I grabbed my application to leave the Academy from my purse. Lilith hummed in delight as I ripped the form into pieces and threw it in the trash.

Now that I had a solution, I couldn’t keep my feet from walking in the direction of the athlete dormitory. I didn’t stop until I stood in front of Asher’s door.

I had no real reason to be there. I’d promised him that I would think about dropping out, but my decision ultimately remained none of his business.

I told myself that keeping him in the loop might stop him from spilling my secret to Dylan. I also reasoned that if I didn’t go to him, he’d just make his way to me anyway. I might as well find him first.

Neither of those explanations felt like the full truth for why I was there.

Fortunately Lilith, the only entity that could call me out for lying to myself, stayed quiet.

Secretly, I wanted to tell Asher what I decided. I wanted to see what he’d say.

Would he still offer to be the father? Did I want him to?

My thoughts were tangled in confusion, and my heart was too tired from the recent roller coaster of emotions to have patience for me to figure it out.

So I relied on instinct instead.

And my instincts whispered, Asher.

Before I could continue second-guessing myself, I lifted my hand and knocked on his door.