Chapter 89

With Asher’s gaze on my lips, I thought for certain he might kiss me. It wouldn’t be difficult. This table wasn’t very big. All he had to do was lean over.

But he didn’t move an inch.

“No,” Asher said, finally glancing away. He turned his steady gaze to the guy at the table beside ours, who had egged Asher on. “We don’t kiss in public. I like keeping her all to myself.”

My face caught fire as my heart pounded so hard, I thought it might break some of my ribs.

I like keeping her to myself.

I felt like I might jettison into the sun.

The boisterous guy laughed. “No harm, then. I know how you feel.” He waggled his eyebrows at his own date, who giggled behind her hand.

With him focused on his own table, it seemed as if Asher and my date could continue on, undisturbed. Except for the occasional, sometimes startling, loud bouts of laughter. Eventually, though, I got used to those and was able to ignore them.

When our food came, Asher noticed me eying his plate. “You want a bite of this?”

I nodded, and started to reach my fork over, yet Asher beat me to it. He speared a bit of steak onto his own fork then held it out for me, prongs first. The intention was clear. He didn’t want me to take the fork with me own hand.

He was going to feed me.

Slowly, I leaned forward and closed my mouth around the offered bite. I pulled the steak off the fork with my teeth, and he lowered it. His dark eyes stayed locked on my face as I chewed and swallowed.

“How is it?” he asked, voice a bit rough.

“Delicious,” I said, breathless.

After dinner, Asher came around and helped me stand from my chair. I didn’t need his help but it was nice to have it given anyway.

Asher was a perfect gentleman. He held the doors for me, he always offered me his arm. He treated me like I was someone special, not some mere nuisance like Joseph had always made me feel.

Fake or not, this date was something new for me. Joseph had always kept me locked away, his little secret. And when that finally changed, like at the carnival, he’d gone entirely the other direction, too controlling and spiteful.

Joseph never took my feelings into account, even when I had been convinced he loved me.

In one night, Asher was showing me how things were supposed to be between a girlfriend and her boyfriend.

I wanted more.

I wanted Asher to hold my hand not just for show, but because he couldn’t fathom letting me go. I wanted him to hold me, and make love to me, and be there the morning after to have breakfast together.

Everything Joseph denied me, I wanted with Asher.

My dream of a happy future with a loving family for my baby… would now only be complete with Asher instead.

I shook my head, chasing away the foolish notions. Asher and I weren’t even dating for real! To dream of a future with him was impossible.

Yet even so, my heart was clear. Every day, I was falling more in love with Asher, and no one else would ever take his place.

When our date was done, Asher walked me to the door of my dorm room. He leaned down and kissed me softly on the cheek. He didn’t have to do that. No one was in the hallway to see him.

“Thank you for tonight,” I said, blushing. “I enjoyed myself.”

“Good,” Asher said. Reaching up, he tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “You don’t smile enough. I’ll help, if I can.”

“More dates?”

The corner of his mouth twitched, an almost-smile. “This was just the beginning.”

The next day, cheerleading practice was a disaster. Only half of the squad even bothered to show up. Some of those that did were outright belligerent, crossing their arms and talking back at Coach.

“Let’s try the routine again,” Coach said, trying to keep things on track.

“Why should we?” said one of the girls.

“It’s pointless without the rest of the squad,” said another.

“Come on, guys. We can at least do our best,” Nicole argued, but the others groaned.

Coach watched it all with an increasingly downtrodden expression. Finally, he clapped his hands, regaining everyone’s attention.

“I can see that none of us are in the right headspace for this today. I want to see some laps around the gym, just to stay limber. Then you’re dismissed. We’ll try again tomorrow.”

We did our laps as instructed. After, while the other girls were leaving, I went into Coach’s office.

He invited me to sit in one of the metal folding chairs he’d arranged facing the desk. As soon as I did, he began speaking.

“The Academy has received a report about my sexual deviancy. They have arranged a committee to investigate.”

Anger shot through me. “So Elena lied, after all?”

He gave me a soft, sad smile. “No. She told the truth. They are investigating the claims that I’m gay.”

My heart sank. “Oh.”

“I have an interview later. An interrogation, more like. I suppose I could lie to them and try to keep my job, but… I’m not going to. I’m going to march in there and tell the truth.”

“Coach…”

“It’s okay, Cynthia. I don’t want you to feel badly for me, or for what happened. Hiding it hasn’t been easy. I’ve been unfair to myself, and to my boyfriend. We’ve already talked about it. We’re going to leave town and try to find somewhere where we can be open and happy.”

I had never heard him talk about his personal life so much. I understood why now, that he had to protect himself. It felt like a relief to know that he would have shared if he could have, like he was doing now.

He was my Coach, but he was also my mentor, and sometimes almost like a friend.

Or an older brother.

The weight of his secret must have crushed him, like how mine sometimes did me.

He seemed at peace now, smiling softly to himself.

“I’m glad, too, that I could help protect you, your innocence and your future.” Slowly, his smile fell. “But that leaves me with only one true regret. When I leave, I won’t be able to keep your secret safe anymore. They’ll hire someone new.”

I shook my head. The worry was real and quaked through me when I gave it thought, but I couldn’t have him focus on it. He would have plenty of his own troubles in the days to come.

He had done more than enough for me.

“I’ll find a way to survive,” I said. “I’ll always be grateful for all that you’ve done for me.”

He nodded. “Maybe someday the rules will change and I can come back. I fear it won’t be for a good long while though, if ever. You’ll likely be graduated by then.”

That he still thought I’d make it to graduation, even knowing my secret, warmed me. I was right to trust this man.

We said our goodbyes then, and I left his office.

Each step away from his comforting aura, sent me spiraling down into my own worries again.

Coach thought I’d make it to graduation. But without him to help cover for me on the harder positions and routines, how would I even make it to the qualifying exams?