Chapter 80

“Cynthia, I…”

I leaned in closer, hands pressed into the edge of his mattress. I’d do anything to hear what he was going to say, short of crawling into the bed of him.

Because it sure seemed like he was about to reveal how he truly felt about me.

Eyes closed, he opened his lips, as if to speak.

And snored instead.

Disappointment shooting through me, I flopped back into my chair.

No, I shouldn’t be disappointed. If he hadn’t been drugged, he wouldn’t have said any of those things. I shouldn’t take any of them beyond simple compliments, and promptly forget them.

If he truly meant them, he would say them when he was sober.

Still, I couldn’t deny the spikes of pleasure that thrilled me with each of his words.

You’re so beautiful.

I could look at you forever.

Hate it, the thought of you with someone else.

Each word, spoken in truth or delirium, I would hold close to my heart forever. When morning would come and he’d take it all away, I wouldn’t begrudge him. But nothing would remove the memory of him saying those sweet things to me.

And that smile of his, so open and earnest, without his mask in place, had awoken something in me that I hadn’t even known was there. I didn’t think I could crush on Asher any harder than I did, but now I wondered if I was in love with him.

Even if he were to never say anything like this again, I’d hold these memories close, and this feeling of growing love would still live inside of me, secret and safe.

I might never know Asher’s true feelings toward me, but my own were now undeniable.

Asher was the only one I wanted to be with. It was never Joseph, and it never would be.

Now, thanks to Asher, I never had to face Joseph or his cruelty again. I rubbed my belly, murmuring soft apologies to my baby.

“We must remain diligent,” Lilith whispered in my head, a soft warning. “Joseph is reprehensible. He may not honor the terms of the challenge.”

Sadly, I realized she was right. I would still have to keep a careful eye out for Joseph. His hatred burned hot. I doubted he would give up anything easily.

But even so, this was no less a victory. Asher had given me options, if nothing else. If Joseph broke the terms of the challenge, I could alert the Academy overseers. He’d face ramifications.

Looking at Asher, at his tired, battered body, I was amazed by how much he was willing to push himself to protect me. This wasn’t just standing up to a bully or lifting me out of a dark forest. He had legitimately placed himself in serious danger.

For me.

How did I ever think, even for a moment, that I could live without him in my life?

Comforted by his presence, my own eyelids grew heavy. Between one blink and the next, I fell asleep at Asher’s bedside, upright in the chair.

When I woke again, I was in Asher’s bed. Morning light shone brightly in through the windows.

Asher himself stood beside his dresser, his back to me. He wore loose-fitting trainers, hung so low on his hips that I could see the starting curve of his tantalizing backside.

He stretched his arms over his head and lowered a black t-shirt over his torso, slowly hiding inch after perfect inch of his body. Even marred with bruises and cuts, he was gorgeous.

Waking up to that view, it took much longer than it probably should have for my mind to restart. When it did, I shot upright in bed.

“Asher!”

He turned sharply, then winced a little.

Guilty, I winced with him. I tried to tone down my excitement some, but it was such a relief seeing him up and about.

His eyes fully and easily focused onto me, thank God! Though he seemed a bit guarded, frowning at me slightly.

My heart sunk. I knew this was going to happen, but it still hurt. Was he regretting everything he said last night?

“I’m sorry,” he said. “For last night.”

Oh. Ouch. To hear him say so aloud hurt even worse, like a hundred tiny cuts beneath my ribs.

“You don’t have to apologize.”

“I do,” he said at once. He crossed his arms. “I never should have needed so much care. I..” He unhooked his arms to run a hand through his hair. “I can usually handle this kind of thing alone.”

I hated the sound of that. “You’ve been drugged before?”

“No, but…” He sighed. “You know what I mean.”

Did I? Because I had thought he’d be annoyed at himself for the things he’d said last night. Instead he seemed embarrassed for having needed help at all!

“I don’t remember much, but I know you helped me. You stayed with me.”

Oh. So he didn’t remember. A tiny bit of grief welled inside of me, but I supposed him not remembering was much better than him being ashamed.

“What I’m trying to say, and failing most spectacularly at, is thank you.” He looked almost defeated as he said it, like the very words were a struggle, but the gratitude was clear in his eyes. As was the trust.

“You can depend on me,” I said.

“Yeah. I’m starting to see that.”

I exhaled a long sigh, pushing away all the bad thoughts and feelings, hanging solely onto relief. “I’m just so glad you’re feeling better. I was so scared.”

“You’re not disappointed, then?” Asher asked, stepping closer.

“Disappointed?” I was confused.

“About the results of the challenge.” He avoided my gaze.

“Asher,” I said with feeling, as I pulled myself from the bed. I closed the distance between us, so close, until he looked at me again. When he did, I gave him my kindest, softest smile. “You saved me again.”

At last, the tension bled from his body. How long had he been harboring that concern?

Too long, clearly.

“Now get back into bed,” I said, ushering him toward it. “I highly doubt you are at full strength so soon.”

He huffed a tiny, little laugh that warmed my entire body. “Whatever you say, Cynthia.”

Returning to his bed, he didn’t seem to mind me nursing him a bit longer.

Later, I had to pull myself away from Asher to go to cheerleading practice. As soon as I arrived, the girls all stopped talking to stare at me.

At first, I thought they might be curious about the challenge, or maybe the terms had leaked.

But then Elena opened her mouth.

“Make way, girls. Here comes the queen of the whores.”

The crude term cracked something within me. That was what Joseph had called me too.

“Normally I wouldn’t talk badly about another girl. Game recognizes game, I understand,” she continued. “But you have taken it too far, Cynthia. The girls and I don’t know if we can trust you anymore.”

Having seen Asher give his all to protect me stirred within me the dormant desire to help protect myself. His bravery. His strength. His deep caring for me.

Elena was squandering it all with each insult against me.

I’d had enough. More than enough.

I stepped forward and snapped, “What is your problem, Elena? These rumors of yours are out of control. I’m not even dating anyone right now.”

It felt good to finally defend myself, but those good feelings vanished at the look of pure malice Elena sent my way.

“My rumors? These aren’t my rumors. They aren’t rumors at all!”

Unbelievable. She was still denying it.

“Cynthia,” Elena said, lip curling in disgust. “We all know you are sleeping with Coach.”