Chapter 8

My heart kindled a new, fiery hope. Completing the midterm exam with my pregnancy felt impossible, but if there was another way to become an official student at Lunarhaven Academy, I had to do it.

Whatever it was, I would do it.

“What’s the other option?” I asked.

I pressed the phone hard to my ear. I didn’t want to miss a single syllable of what the faculty advisor might say.

“The other way to become an official student is to take the transfer test that we have set up for athletes.”

Okay. A test? I could do that. Maybe.

“What does that kind of test include?” I asked.

“The transfer test is similar to the one given to other elite students,” the faculty advisor said. “This is primarily an academic assessment.”

My fiery hope dimmed into a barely-there flicker.

My strength was my dance. I’d focused totally on cheerleading, not academics. I didn’t exactly have the best grades.

But if this was my only option… If passing this test would mean that I could stay…

What choice did I have?

“Miss,” said the faculty advisor, jolting me from my thoughts. “If you are inquiring because you are an athlete who plans to miss the midterm exam, I have to advise you not to get your hopes up.”

My heart sank.

“Since the founding of Lunarhaven Academy, an athlete has never passed this transfer exam.”

Never?

If that were true, how could I think I would be different?

My stomach twisted. I only had one last question. I’d been hoping to avoid asking it, but now, with all my options dwindling, I had to be sure.

“What if the athlete is pregnant?”

“That is a tasteless joke.” The faculty advisor did not sound amused. “Our Academy is not a maternity hospital.”

Hanging up the phone, I handed it back to Asher. He took it without comment.

Lunarhaven Academy was my dream. I’d worked hard for the past ten years to make it a reality. This was the place I could prove my worth to my family. I could finally show my parents that I was just as good as my older siblings.

My life was just starting.

But what now? Would I have to drop out? Would I be forced to sacrifice my dreams?

“Now do you believe me?” Asher asked, voice flat.

“None of this is fair,” I said softly. I rubbed my hands up my arms, trying to give myself even a shred of comfort. My whole world was falling apart.

“This is an elite school. Nothing here is fair,” Asher said. “Aside from the athletes, only the children of Alphas and academic geniuses get admitted here.”

I knew all that, and yet… I’d hoped.

“Face it, Cynthia,” he said, emotionless. “Maybe you just don’t belong here.”

I closed my eyes. The phone call had exposed my insecurities, and now he drilled into them with his cruel words. And the way he said them, like it was obvious that I was out of my league here.

Maybe he was right.

Maybe I never belonged here.

Maybe I should just leave.

Swallowing down my growing sadness, I said, “I’ll think about dropping out.”

The next morning, I placed my suitcase on my bed and began packing my clothes. I moved slowly, heartbroken at what I had to choose. But at this point, I had no other options.

Taking a small break, I sat on the edge of the bed and unlocked my phone. I desperately wanted to talk to someone. My cousin Nancy was the only one I could turn to.

She was probably still worried from the other day when I’d told her I was going to keep the baby. I hadn’t talked to her since.

When I dialed her number, she picked up right away.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“No,” I said, breaking. Unshed tears welled in my eyes. I’d held so much back for so long. Hearing her kind voice cracked through all the walls I’d built to withhold my emotions.

I spoke through sniffles, “I’m going to drop out of the Academy to have my baby. I can’t do both.”

“Oh, no, Cynthia.” To my surprise, Nancy started to cry too. “You’ve worked so hard, you’ve sacrificed so much to apply to that college. If you leave now, you won’t be able to go back.”

“I know,” I said, but Nancy pressed on like she hadn’t heard me.

“You won’t be able to juggle everything. Then you’ll be trapped. You’ll have nowhere to go. You’ll be stuck with a baby and no life of your own.”

I pressed my lips hard together, biting back a sob.

“I’ve seen this happen too many times at the hospital,” Nancy continued. “New mothers who can’t keep up, their lives totally ruined by their children. And those girls weren’t as young as young as you, and they had families to support them.”

She didn’t have to say what we both knew. My family wouldn’t help me.

“Meet me at the hospital,” Nancy pleaded. “Come as soon as you can, and I’ll show you. If you see for yourself, maybe you’ll change your mind.”

I didn’t think it would change anything, but she sounded desperate. I’d never heard her beg before. I couldn’t say no.

I promised to meet her in an hour, and continued packing.

An hour later, I walked into the maternity hospital and found Nancy waiting for me at the nurses’ station.

“Come on,” she said, and led me toward the neonatal care unit.

Through the window, I could see exhausted girls sitting upright in their chairs, holding their babies to them with shaking hands. Dark circles clung beneath their eyes.

Other girls fumbled with their breast pumps, unwilling to stop even for even a moment to rest. The nurses worked around them, checking on them and the children, but not forcing any of them to stop.

“The mothers do what they have to do for their babies,” Nancy explained. “We nurses can only respect their wishes, or we’d risk the health of both.”

I gripped hard at the window pane. Fear gripped my heart. This was my future.

“Is this really what you want for yourself?” Nancy asked.

When I had received my acceptance letter for the Academy, I was so happy. I’d burst into the living room where some of my family had gathered, waving my letter around like a badge of honor.

I’d felt lighter than I’d ever had. I finally felt like I had a future worth looking forward to.

It all felt foolish now.

“I appreciate what you are trying to do,” I told Nancy. “But nothing will change my mind.”

“Cynthia, please don’t do this to yourself,” Nancy said.

I shook my head. I would not be talked out of my decision, even if I hated it.

Looking at me, she must have recognized my resolve. She placed her hand on my arm and squeezed. We both turned toward the window and watched the new mothers for a while.

“I have to go,” I said then. She nodded.

I left without another word.

I’d already filled out the application to withdraw from school. The envelope peeked out from inside my purse. I only had to deliver it.

With slow, heavy steps, I made my way back onto campus.

I have to do this, I bitterly reminded myself with each forward inch.

This was all that was left for me.

Outside the Registrar’s Office, I stopped to inhale a shaky breath. This was it. No turning back now.

Reaching for the front door, I curled my fingers around the metal handle.

Heart pounding, I pulled.

Suddenly, a female voice shouted, loud and crisp, from within my own head.

“Stop!”