Chapter 68

I melted into Asher’s warm embrace at once. My entire body went slack. I’d have fallen for sure if his strong arms hadn’t wrapped so tightly around my waist.

My tears were unstoppable though, forming warm tracks down my cheeks. I pressed my face into his chest, regretting when I dampened his shirt.

He only held me closer. Impossibly close. Any closer, I might merge into him. I kind of wanted to. If I was a part of Asher, I’d be safe always.

I knew this hug was likely platonic, but I eagerly accepted all the offered comfort regardless. Asher held me with a supportive tenderness. Even as just a friend, I knew he cared deeply for me.

He wasn’t going to abandon me. He wouldn’t hurt me.

He’d always have my back.

Such a cruel betrayal of trust, for Joseph to have peeped in on my conversations with Asher. At least I hadn’t worn the necklace when he’d gone to the scenic overlook. I couldn’t have withstood it if that perfect memory was tarnished.

Maybe the things Joseph had said about me were right. Maybe I did chase after Asher too much, when I should have been more dedicated to Joseph.

But that didn’t give him the right to stalk me.

Asher moved his hand, tracing soothing circles on my back.

I would never be able to give up Asher. If Joseph couldn’t accept that…

I cried. This felt like a loss that required grief. My ideal perfect family dream, shattering to pieces under the weight of devious moon-shaped pendant.

“I’m sorry,” I sniffled into Asher’s shirt.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” he said, voice strong and steady. Calming. “You know me well enough by now, Cynthia. I only do things I want to do.”

He’d told me this before. “Asher…”

“I want to protect you. Your troubles will never be too much for me. I’m not going anywhere.”

Slowly, I weaved my own arms around his waist to hold him back, just as tightly.

I didn’t know what I did to deserve him. I supposed I had Dylan to thank.

But now that I had Asher, in any capacity, I wasn’t going to let him go.

When my tears stopped, I wiped at my cheeks and stepped back from Asher’s arms. He released me, but stayed close, like he’d hug me again the instant he perceived that I needed it.

I stayed close to him too, not entirely sure I wouldn’t need another hug.

There were other things to think about, though. Other worries to consider.

I thought back to every time I wore the necklace, dreading what I might remember. But no. When I had made the apparitions with Lilith, I had always stored the necklace first.

For now, my secrets were safe.

That didn’t change the fact that I was running out of time, however.

“Asher,” I said.

“Hm?”

“Tomorrow night. Can you help me sneak into Brent’s dorm?”

The change in subject surprised him, both of his brows lifting high. He recovered quickly, though, with something like pride shining in his eyes.

“What are you up to?” he asked

I couldn’t tell him the truth. Not yet. Maybe someday, when I was the right age and it was only merely unusual for me to have such power – not so near impossible as it was now.

“I have a plan. I… can’t tell you what it is.”

“Cynthia.” That was his disapproving voice.

“If I don’t have your help, I’ll sneak my way in without it,” I said, confidence flagging. I doubted I would get far without Asher’s support. I sighed. “I’d much rather have your help.”

“But you won’t tell me what you are planning?”

“I can’t, I’m sorry.”

“Can’t or won’t?” he asked.

“Can’t,” I said firmly. “Not yet. Trust me, please.”

Those words always seemed to convince him, despite the glower he gave me. I hated using them like this, wielding his trust like a weapon. I prayed he would understand someday, when the truth eventually came to light.

“I trust you,” he said, crossing his arms. “Please don’t make me regret it.”

I nodded, hoping I wouldn’t.

Asher insisted on walking me home, just in case Joseph lied in wait somewhere along the way, but after a thorough search of my room, he seemed satisfied. Especially after he disposed of all of Joseph’s remaining flowers.

“Don’t accept any more of those,” he said. I didn’t need him to tell me twice.

We said our goodnights. He stood on the outside of the door until I locked it, then disappeared down the hall.

Alone, I focused on my plan. To succeed, I had to make a new apparition, based entirely on my imagination.

Yet when I tried, I couldn’t even make a flicker.

“Perhaps a visual aid would help,” Lilith offered.

I moved to the computer and searched for images of babies. Many adorable results came through. I couldn’t help but smile at some of them, rubbing my hand along my growing stomach.

“You are getting distracted,” Lilith scolded, gently.

“Right.”

Returning to the search bar, I refined my parameters. I typed in crying babies.

These results were much harder to look at. But this was just what I needed. I took in each sad face and every shed tear.

A few minutes later, I returned to standing. Closing my eyes, I imagined a baby, face contorted in fear and pain, with tears streaming down its face.

When I opened my eyes, there it was. My breath left me like I’d been punched.

God it hurt to look at. I was creating a baby just to watch them cry!

“Keep going,” Lilith said. “You are close. Make them talk.”

What would they say? What kind of terrible noise would a baby make?

At once, the baby shrieked, a wailing call for their mother. Their mother? Was that me?

It was too much. It hurt too deeply.

I cut the threads of the apparition and made it disappear. Blessedly, the room instantly fell into silence.

“You did well,” Lilith said, though even her voice shook.

“I never want to do that again.” Fresh tears escaped my eyes.

“You must. For Aimee. For us.”

I covered my face and sobbed. I knew she was right, but that didn’t make it easier.

Dread stretched out within me, pushing into every corner of my being.

I would do what was necessary, but it was going to hurt. I might carry the scars of it with me forever.

“I would help you carry the burden,” said someone different. A comforting, deep voice that I had longed to hear. “If you would let me.”

I looked up from my hands to find Asher’s visage directly in front of me. He was less translucent than he had ever been, his handsome features strong on his ghostly face. Yet his glow still burned brightly.

It seemed, with Asher, I just couldn’t help it.

“You can’t help me this time,” I said to him, pretending he was real. “I have to do this alone.”

“Not alone,” Lilith insisted. “Never alone.”

I drew comfort from Lilith within me and the visage of Asher before my eyes.

No, I’d never be alone again.