Chapter 65

Asher drove us out of town. Relaxed, I sunk down into the comfortable leather seat.

The windows were opened a crack, enough for some cool air to brush over my face, chilling away any lingering warmth I felt from my embarrassment in Asher’s presence.

In the background, he’d turned the radio up, some soothing music with a light beat.

Before long, I found myself drifting off into a calm sleep.

I woke up as the car came to a halt. With only trees out my window, I didn’t recognize where we were.

“We have to walk from here,” Asher said, undoing his seatbelt. “It’s not far.”

After rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I followed him around the car and up a dirt path through the forest. The trees were pine, and smelled like Asher.

Asher held out his hand for me and I took it. He guided me over a fallen log and up a steeper section of the path, until we emerged at a clearing. No, a cliff with a fenced-off edge.

A scenic overlook.

Beneath was a lake sparkling in the afternoon light.

“Over here.” Asher led me to a park bench on a deck built to look over the protective fence. I sat first, with Asher beside me. “What do you think?”

“It’s beautiful,” I said.

“I think so, too,” he said, never taking his eyes off of me.

“Asher,” I said. He couldn’t have meant it like it sounded, like he meant those words for me. But my heart still soared into the clouds.

“I thought you could use a break.” He stopped looking at me to regard the lake instead. At once, I was relieved and disappointed. I could finally breathe without his scrutiny, but I missed the weight of his gaze.

“You’ve been burning the candle at both ends,” Asher continued. “I saw how hard you worked during the cheerleading competition. Now, if you aren’t studying or cheering, you are trying to help Aimee.”

“That’s not so impressive,” I said, embarrassed. “I’m just doing what I need to do to survive.”

“Don’t sell yourself short.” He squeezed my fingers in his hand. “You are doing all of these things, while pregnant, and doing them well. Most people would have given up by now, but not you.”

“Giving up isn’t an option,” I said.

“It is. It always is,” Asher said. “But you just keep going. It’s admirable. You’re admirable.”

I shook my head. If he kept handing out compliments, I might combust. “Your… friendship helps me. I don’t think I could do any of this without you.”

“Maybe.” He didn’t sound certain. “It doesn’t matter. You work so hard, I worry you overdo it. With everything thing going on, I don’t want you to forget to live.”

“I am living,” I said.

“Not like this.” He leaned closer to me. “Close your eyes.”

I obeyed at once.

“Now. Listen.”

“I don’t hear anything,” I said.

He huffed a brief laugh that made my heart sing. “Listen closer.”

For him, I tried. With my eyes closed, I focused on what I could hear.

The tree leaves fluttering in the gentle breeze. The twitter of birds flying through the air. The steady exhale of Asher’s breathing. The beating of my own heart.

Like this, I could almost understand what Asher meant. I was so easily caught up in the drama of my day to day that I rarely took any time to enjoy the world around me.

Asher wrapped his arm around the back of the bench behind me. Slowly, deliberately, I lowered my head onto his shoulder. As gently, he tilted his into mine, resting his cheek on the crown of my head.

Together, with the sounds of nature all around us, we enjoyed a moment of peaceful quiet.

“Thank you,” I whispered, afraid to speak too loudly and ruin everything.

Asher smiled against my temple. “Say the word, and I will bring you here. Whenever you want.”

When Asher returned me to my dorm, I felt refreshed, like I could take on the whole world and not break a sweat.

That good mood faltered only a little when my phone rang, and the screen read Joseph.

I thought briefly, wildly, of ignoring him. But that was the coward’s way out.

I still hadn’t untangled my confusing emotions regarding Joseph, but not talking to him wasn’t going to help. So I answered the phone.

After our brief hellos, he got right to the point. “Why didn’t you tell me you hated my gift?”

“What are you talking about? The necklace is beautiful.”

“Then why don’t you wear it?”

I frowned. How did he know that?

“One of my soccer team saw you. I’d told them about the pendant. They told me you didn’t have it on,” he said. “Cynthia, you told me you would wear it.”

“I have. I do,” I said. “I didn’t realize you wanted me to wear it all the time.” I lied. He’d said when he gave it to me that he wanted me to always wear it.

“Did I not make myself clear?” Anger darkened his voice. “Or were you simply not listening to me?”

“I was listening, I’m sorry,” I said at once. “There’s just been a lot going on. Sometimes I forget –”

“If you can’t do this one small thing for me, then how are we ever going to be a family in the future? Relationships are about give and take. It seems like lately you want everything, without giving me anything in return.”

I blinked, confused. That wasn’t true, right? I had given plenty in this almost-relationship.

… Hadn’t I?

Talking to him felt like I was riding a roller coaster in the dark. I could never see where the track was going to take me, but I felt every jostle and turn.

But maybe he was right. I had been juggling Joseph along some, as I warred with my feelings for Asher. In that way, I hadn’t been fair to Joseph.

The necklace was supposed to be a symbol of a new start with Joseph, and here I was, removing it the minute I got home after receiving it.

Maybe I was the one sabotaging my baby’s chance to have their real father in their life.

I rubbed at my forehead, perplexed and tired. If only I could time travel to even one hour before, when I had been up on that scenic overlook with Asher. The rest of the world had felt so very far away.

But that was the problem, wasn’t it? Asher could say that nature and peace were the things I was missing. But the truth was, they were only tools of escape.

My real world wasn’t a scenic overlook with Asher. That was a fantasy.

My real world was here, at the Academy. With Joseph. Pregnant, and barely holding on.

“I’m sorry. I’ll do better. It wasn’t intentional –”

“Don’t lie to me, Cynthia. I know Asher told you to take it off. Right after he said he would respect your decision to keep me in your life.”

Wait.

That had been a private conversation between Asher and me, here in my room. Asher would have never shared anything about that with Joseph. And I certainly didn’t.

A hint of fear in my voice, I couldn’t help but ask him.

“How did you know about that?”