Chapter 53

As I packed my suitcase for the trip to the cheerleading competition, I dreaded what was to come. Having no choice, I had to accept Elena’s request to hold parties in my room.

I hadn’t a clue how I was going to finagle my way around drinking alcohol again, especially without Asher’s help this time. Plus, I was sure to be exhausted from the competition. When I was tired, my mouth sometimes got away from me.

I worried I might give away too much.

But what could I do? To back out now was the admit defeat. I wasn’t going to give up, no matter what.

Even as anxious as I was, no one was gloomier than Asher who loomed in my doorway, watching me, his passive expression in place. I was getting better at reading him. I knew he was worried.

I had decided not to mention the party to him. If he knew about it, he might get an ulcer. Or do something rash, like insist I not go.

He crossed his arms as I stuffed more clothes into my suitcase and started to close it.

We both avoided looking at the bed.

Zipping closed the suitcase, I hauled it onto the floor. Asher moved closer at once, unhooking his arms.

“Let me,” he said, lifting the heavy bag with ease.

“I can’t ask you to carry that all the way to the bus,” I said. The Academy had chartered a school bus for this trip. All of the girls were to meet outside the gymnasium in an hour.

“Then don’t.” He moved the suitcase behind himself, out of my reach. “I could drive you.”

This wasn’t the first time he offered, but like all the times before, I shook my head.

“Thank you, but I don’t want to give the other cheerleaders any more reason to dislike me.”

The girls were already jealous of how close I was to Asher. If I showed up at the hotel in his car, it would only make things worse.

“Who cares what they think?” he said, dismissive.

Smiling, I huffed out an exasperated breath. “I do. At least, a little. We’re a team. Standing together makes us better.” At least for now. I wondered what would happen when my secret came out.

A few of the girls didn’t bother me, but I had no misconceptions that most didn’t like me overmuch. When the time came that I couldn’t carry my weight anymore, I knew they would turn on me. Just like everyone did with Aimee.

Even Nicole might not stand with me. That hurt worst of all.

My words didn’t seem to convince Asher who stood still like an immovable statue. As he watched me, a torrent of emotion flashed over his gaze, too quickly for me to decipher.

“I don’t like this,” he said. “But I won’t stand in your way.”

“Thank you, Asher,” I said, relieved. His support meant everything to me.

I wished I could do more to ease his concern, but I’d already given him the address to the hotel and the competition. And I promised to call or text him if anything happened, good or bad.

Short of him coming with me, I didn’t think there was anything else I could do. And I wouldn’t ask him to make the trip, even if I selfishly wanted him there.

I always felt safer when he was around.

“I’ll be okay,” I said to us both.

His jaw clenched like he might argue, but instead he only nodded. “I’ll at least walk you to the bus.”

I stopped him at the edge of the parking lot behind a pair of tall oak trees. I didn’t want the other cheerleaders to see us.

“I can take the suitcase now,” I said.

Asher frowned, grumpy, but complied. He lowered it into the space between us.

As I reached for it, he placed his hand on my cheek, and I froze.

He brushed his thumb over my cheekbone, only grazing the skin, feather-light.

“Be careful,” he said.

I leaned into his palm, offering my own comfort. His concern meant so much to me.

“I’ll be fine,” I said. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

If I stayed even a moment longer, I’d risk never leaving, too tempted by his closeness, his touch. So I grabbed my bag and jogged out from behind the trees.

I didn’t look back on my way to the bus, but I felt the familiar, warm presence of his gaze on me until I boarded and disappeared fully from his view.

“Cynthia!” Elena called from the back of the school bus. “We saved you a seat. Come sit with us. There’s a lot to talk about.”

I hesitated, but most of the other seats were already taken with girls or luggage or equipment. And Nicole was already sitting with someone else. Really, my only choice was to sit with Elena.

Nervously, I trudged to the back of the bus and sat in the empty aisle seat beside one of Elena’s friends. Elena herself sat on the opposing aisle seat nearest me.

She leaned closer, voice quiet as she said, “We were just talking about the party.”

“I’ve got three bottles of tequila in my bag,” the girl beside me said.

“I’ve got my laptop for the music,” another girl said. “And I brought extra speakers.”

Elena smiled, pleased.

“This is really cool of you, Cynthia,” said the girl beside me. “Letting us use your room like this. I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“Cynthia can be cool when she wants to be,” Elena said, checking her nails.

My heart sped up. Elena had never given me a compliment before. I didn’t know how to react. I felt embarrassed and happy at once.

Was this what it felt like… to be accepted?

“Someone will have to keep watch for Coach?” another girl said.

“Nicole already volunteered,” Elena said.

I wondered if Nicole actually volunteered herself or was volunteered by someone else.

“She’s a smoker,” Elena continued. “She doesn’t mind going outside a bunch of times.”

“I guess,” I said, unsure. I didn’t like lying to Coach. Though it did feel really nice to be included for a change, instead of watching everything from the outside.

“Come now. Perk up,” Elena said to me. “It’s going to be a great time. I promise you’ll have fun.”

The bus pulled into the hotel parking lot around dinnertime.

“Competition starts first thing in the morning,” Coach said. “Meet here at seven am for breakfast.”

That was pretty early. Surely the girls wouldn’t want to party tonight.

Yet as my gaze meet with Elena’s and I saw her sparkle of mischief, I knew I was mistaken.

“After curfew,” she mouthed.

Not really having a choice, I nodded.

Ten pm was our curfew. We were supposed to have lights out and be in bed by then. Instead, I sat on the edge of the mattress, watching the local news with the volume muted, waiting.

When a knock sounded on my door, I was wired so tightly that I jumped straight to my feet at once, heart racing.

“It’s just a party,” I told myself. “It’s no big deal.” A few girls and some tequila, and we’d probably all be back in bed in an hour or two, to get enough sleep for the competition.

Steeling my frayed nerves, I forced myself to head for the door and opened it.

Elena stood on the other side of it, wearing her cat-like smile. The other cheerleaders were behind her.

Scattered among them were some boys I recognized from the athletes’ dorm, and some I didn’t recognize at all.

Who were these people?

“Are you going to let us in?” Elena asked.

“I didn’t expect so many… guests,” I said, eyeing the guys.

She followed the length of my gaze, and laughed.

“Oh, Cynthia,” she said. “What’s a party without boys?”