Chapter 51

I was still mortified by the possibility of having acted out any part of my sex dream with Asher. Even though he insisted nothing happened, I didn’t know if I could believe him. That desire in his eyes hadn’t been imagined.

But I sighed. Even if it had been real, it wouldn’t change anything. Asher might find me attractive, but he didn’t want me, mind, body, and soul. And he never would.

Well, since he had said it was nothing, then I was bound and determined to treat it as such. I pressed the memory, and the dream, into the back of my mind where I’d dared not think of it again.

I looked longingly at my bed. It seemed unlikely that I was going to get any more sleep now. My dream of an afternoon nap fizzled into dust.

As I debated what to do with the rest of my day instead, a knock sounded at my door. I opened it to find a flower delivery person.

She smiled at me. “You got another one.” At this point, we were basically acquaintances. I saw her every day.

She held up a fresh vase of red roses, and I accepted them. On the card, Joseph had hand-written a note.

Sorry for pushing you. I was jealous.

It wasn’t much of an apology, but I guess it was better than nothing.

Ug, I really didn’t want to think about Joseph right now. I wished Asher hadn’t left in such a hurry. It was so easy to forget about Joseph when Asher was near.

Gazing around my room at the excess of flowers, it seemed like such a waste for them to sit here in this single room. They were so beautiful, but too numerous for me to properly enjoy. At this point, they were a nuisance.

When the delivery person left, instead of finding a bare spot for the vase like I usually did, I carried it out into the hall instead.

I didn’t know my neighbors well, but they seemed like nice enough girls. Hard workers like me, they always appeared tired but content. And why not? We were here, making our dreams come true.

“For you,” I said, handing the flowers off to one of my neighbors standing in the hallway. I went back into my room for another to give to her friend.

“What’s the occasion?” they asked me.

“Do we need one?” I replied.

They smiled as they thanked me, and my heart warmed at their gratitude. It felt good, making people smile.

I immediately repeated the action, not stopping until I had gifted every girl on my floor her own vase of roses.

Offhandedly, I wondered if a bouquet of roses would make Aimee smile too. She probably hadn’t done so in a good long time, and likely was in desperate need of some happiness.

Excited by the prospect, I walked a bouquet to her dorm and left it outside of her door. I didn’t wait to see her smile. I doubted she would answer the door while I was there. But I could imagine it.

I was surprised when I received a new message to my fake social media account.

It was Aimee, demanding, Did you do this? She included a picture of the roses outside of her door.

I messaged a reply of a smiling face, neither confirming nor denying.

Her next message surprised me, Why would you do this? What do you want from me?

I frowned and replied, I don’t want anything. I thought it would brighten your day.

I didn’t wait long for another message.

These are going in the trash. I won’t fall for whatever this is.

My heart sunk and my good mood soured. Aimee saw shadows where there were none. I supposed I couldn’t blame her, when most people were out to hurt her.

But I’d only wanted to make her smile.

Asher called me in the evening. He had said that we would talk later, but I was still surprised to hear from him so soon. His voice sounded carefully measured as always, not giving anything away.

I wondered what he was thinking, if he thought about what happened at all.

I guessed it didn’t matter.

Even so, my awkwardness must have shown in my voice. “W-what are you up to tonight?” Heat flooded my face. I shouldn’t have said ‘up to’! That made it sound like I was talking about his penis!

I dropped my head onto my desktop, as my mortification returned in a wave.

“Whatever you are thinking, stop,” he said. “I told you nothing happened.”

If nothing happened, then how did he instantly know what I was talking about! Although… Asher was pretty attuned to my feelings sometimes. Maybe he could tell because I had been so embarrassed then, and now again.

The thoughts calmed my racing heart. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” he said.

I bit back another sorry.

“I want to know why you were asleep outside on the bench to begin with,” Asher said then. “Why were you so tired you couldn’t walk back to your room?”

“Oh.” Frowning, I realized I hadn’t told him about the cheerleading competition. Better late than never, I supposed. “Coach has us working on some new routines for this competition coming up.”

“You told me he knows about your condition. You said he was giving you easier moves.”

“He does and he was. But there is no way to hide in a competition. Every girl on the team is being judged.”

“Cynthia…” He started, in the stern tone of voice he usually saved for when he scolded me.

“It’s nothing I can’t handle, okay? I promise.”

“You fell asleep on a park bench.”

“And you found me! See? It turned out fine.”

“You are not doing a good job of convincing me,” Asher said, flat.

“I know,” I admitted.

In truth, I was tired. I had been pushing myself too hard, my body was making that clear with this exhaustion.

“It’s only for a few more days. Until the competition. Then Coach will put me back on the easier routines.”

“It’s not worth it,” he started.

I cut him off. “It is. I’m already the weakest link on the team, I can’t keep letting them down.”

He hummed, but it was low and disapproving. If I didn’t act fast, I was definitely in for a lecture.

“Besides, I’m sure Lilith will tell me if something is wrong. And if she does, then I’ll back off, okay? I promise. But I’m not going to quit just because I’m tired.”

The quiet on the line stretched too long, even for Asher. He was still there, I could hear his steady breathing.

It was unnerving.

Was he giving me the silent treatment? Was this a new tactic to get me to back off cheerleading?

When he had caught me dancing before, he had seemed to accept that I was capable. Had something happened to change that?

I wondered how I could convince him. If, after everything, he still didn’t believe me capable, then what could I say to possibly change that thinking now?

No, it didn’t matter. Regardless of what he thought, this was my choice. I would see it through.

“Asher,” I said, ready to give a lecture of my own.

He spoke first.

“Cynthia. Who is Lilith?”