Chapter 41

Then let him date, Cynthia. Give Asher the chance to find love.

Elena’s words sliced through me. Of course I cared about Asher and wanted him to be happy.

But I was selfish. Knowing that he had been turning down other women gave me a deep feeling of satisfaction. Elena’s implication that he’d been doing it for me fed the possessive part of me that wanted Asher all for myself.

Yet guilt and shame followed quickly on the heels of those good feelings, and suppressed them.

Asher and I couldn’t be together. What right did I have to be selfish?

As loathe as I was to admit it, Elena was right. To stand in the way of Asher finding love was a cruelty. He deserved better.

So I gathered the scattered pieces of my heart and said, “I have no hold over Asher. We’re just friends.”

Smirking, Elena placed a hand on her hip. “Is that so? Then you won’t care if I ask him out?”

Jealousy flared sharp and hot in my chest, but I repressed it. “Asher can date whoever he wants.” Though I hoped he wouldn’t want to date Elena.

Maybe if he dated someone who wasn’t so mean to me, it wouldn’t hurt so much.

Though, thinking on it, no. No, it was sure to hurt no matter what.

“I won’t stand in anyone’s way,” I said, to her and to myself.

“Wonderful,” Elena laughed. She turned to the other cheerleaders. “Lookout girls, Asher’s future girlfriend coming through!”

I slouched into myself, wishing I was anywhere but here, listening to her parade around like Asher was a prize she’d already won.

I changed into my clothes as quickly as I could and escaped the locker room in a rush.

After deciding to trust Asher, I had intended to go straight to his dorm room to apologize, but that conversation with Elena left me deflated.

So instead, I walked around campus for a while, purposefully avoiding the athletes’ dorms. I wasn’t ready yet to face the inevitable.

Asher and I had grown closer over the past weeks. I cared about him. Whether we could be together or not, I wanted to be a good friend to him.

But as things were, being his friend meant I would have to stand there and watch him go on dates with others. I’d have to hide my jealousy if he ever mentioned these theoretical girls. And what if he introduced me to them?

What if he got married?

Groaning, I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk to bury my face in my hands. I felt destined for heartbreak.

I could only hope he would attempt to shield me from some of it. Yet… Would Asher in love act differently? Would he even want to keep protecting me?

I continued walking, distracted by these wretched, hurtful thoughts.

When I came back to myself enough to realize where I was, I was standing in front of Asher’s dormitory building.

In truth, regardless of anything else, I missed him. If watching him date was the trade-off I had to make to keep him in my life, I would do it.

I would probably do anything for him.

Resolved, I paced to the building and pulled open the door – just as someone pushed to come through from the other side.

I stumbled, expecting the weight of the door that was suddenly not there. A hand roughly caught my wrist and steadied me.

“Careful, Cynthia,” Joseph said.

I shook his hold off my arm. He’d grabbed me hard enough to leave a set of finger-sized bruises.

“Thanks,” I said, because it would have been worse if I fell.

“I can protect you too, you know. You can depend on me.”

If he’d actually sabotaged the hockey team like Asher implied, I didn’t know if I could trust him. Someone that devious was likely keeping other secrets.

But… Maybe he was just mad at Asher. They really didn’t seem to like each other. Was it possible their feud had nothing to do with me? Could Joseph hate Asher while still being loyal to me?

“You look like you have a lot on your mind. I do, too,” he said. He hitched his thumb in the direction of the lounge. “You want to talk for a minute?”

I’d hoped to speak with Asher first, but I supposed I would have had to approach Joseph eventually. “Okay.”

In the lounge, Joseph sat on one of the couches and patted the empty seat next to him, likely wanting me to sit there. Instead, I sat in a single chair cater-corner to the couch.

For a moment, Joseph’s face twisted into a mix of disappointment and annoyance. In the next, his boyish smile slid back into place.

I didn’t think much of it. He had a right to be upset with me.

I had disappeared on him without much explanation.

“Have you been getting my flowers?”

I nodded, and his annoyance flashed, there and gone again, quick as lightning.

“Don’t tell me you are still giving me the silent treatment?”

“No,” I said. I hadn’t meant to be rude. “I’ve been getting the flowers. They are beautiful.”

“I’m glad. I know my parents weren’t kind, and I’m sorry for that. But if we are going to…” He glanced around but no one was within earshot. Still he whispered, “Co-parent.” Louder, he continued, “Then we need to keep communication with each other. It’s only fair.”

His words certainly made it seem like he wasn’t holding his rivalry with Asher against me, since he still wanted to be a part of the baby’s life.

I sighed softly with relief. Maybe my dream of a real family was still possible.

Just then a thought of Asher holding my baby seared through my mind like a hot poker, so vivid it stole my breath away.

But as quickly, I remembered. Asher couldn’t be mine. He was going to date other people.

A perfect family with Asher was impossible.

“I understand,” I said to Joseph, conceding. I didn’t really feel like an apology was warranted, but to keep the peace, I’d give it. “I’m sorry.”

He relaxed at once. “There. Water under the bridge, huh? I’m glad. I was starting to think you’d forgotten how I stood up to my parents for you.”

“Sorry.”

He waved away the second apology though with the way his smile grew, I knew it had pleased him.

“I need to apologize, too,” he said. “I… may have been putting too much pressure on you to be my girlfriend.”

I was surprised. I hadn’t expected any apology from him, especially for that. Maybe he was being genuine with me.

“I gave it a lot of thought, and I’ve come up with a perfect solution.” He clapped his hands together. “Date me.”

I opened my mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. “Isn’t that the same thing as being your girlfriend?”

“Not if it’s only one date,” Joseph said. “We’ll go out, have a great time, and you’ll see everything that you’re missing out on.”

Just one date?

“We’ll keep it simple and focus on the fun we can have. No strings attached. I want to show you how good we can be together.” He laughed again. “Then you won’t be able to keep away.”

I didn’t want to date Joseph. I wanted Asher. But… if Asher was going to date other people, then shouldn’t I at least try to move on?

Leaning forward, Joseph placed his hand on my knee. “I’ll treat you so well, Cynthia. You won’t remember that another man exists.”

I could… forget Asher?