Chapter 38

So exhausted from my weekend, I slept through my morning alarms and didn’t roll out of bed until someone knocked at my door around noon.

I thought of ignoring it, I was so comfortable under my blankets. But then I realized it might be Asher.

Sighing, I wrapped my blankets around me like a cloak and answered the door.

The first thing I saw was a humongous bouquet of blooming red roses. When it lowered a little, I saw a face.

Joseph.

“Cynthia! I couldn’t wait to see… you…” His gaze drifted lowered to my blanket coverings and plaid pajamas, then down to my feet tucked in fuzzy bunny socks.

His bright smile wavered a moment. “I didn’t know you liked to sleep in.”

I really wished I hadn’t answered the door. “It was a long weekend. You remember.”

He recovered in an instant, smiling even wider than before. It looked like it hurt his cheeks. “Of course, I remember. That’s why I’m here. To deliver these.”

He pressed the vase of roses into my hands.

“May I come in?” he asked. “I’d like to apologize properly.”

“I don’t know…” I mumbled, still trying to wake up, but he was already pushing past me, into my room.

I placed the vase on my desk. The flowers were beautiful, but they didn’t make up for the ridicule I had experienced at his parents’ house. Not even close.

I doubted his apology would either.

He tucked his hands in his pockets and stared at the floor. He continued to smile but it was dim. “I’m sorry. The way my parents acted was really abhorrent.”

I waited, but that seemed to be it. He looked at me expectantly. I frowned at him.

“They were wrong,” he continued, unsure. “So… I’m sorry for that. Cynthia, you have to know that I feel differently than they do. I don’t care what they say, I want to raise this child with you.”

He paused a moment, then his eyes turned hopeful. “I want to be with you, too. That hasn’t changed.”

I blinked, surprised. Yes, he had stood up for me to his parents, there at the end, but… I hadn’t considered that his romantic feelings for me would continue after that.

Our raising a child together, his parents might eventually forgive. The baby was innocent, after all. But for him to continue to pursue a relationship with me meant that he would have to openly defy them.

It was flattering, in a way, and if I felt even a flicker of desire for Joseph, it might have compelled me to act on it.

But when I thought of dating anyone, only Asher sprang to mind.

I don’t protect you just for Dylan. I do it because I want to.

My heart still raced from Asher’s words. He wanted to protect me. I could barely believe it.

“What do you say, Cynthia?” Joseph asked, yanking me back into the present. “You and me. Why don’t we give it another shot?”

I’d strung Joseph along enough. I’d promised him I would think about a relationship with him, and I had. It was time to give him my honest answer.

“I’m sorry, Joseph. I can’t.”

His smile dropped immediately. “Can’t or won’t?”

“Both,” I admitted. “I tried, but… I’m just not interested in you that way anymore.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“I’m sorry,” I said again. “But that’s my final answer.”

He snorted out a mockery of a laugh. “Let me guess. Is this because of Asher?”

I froze.

He noticed. His eyes pitied me, and his lips curled down. “Oh, Cynthia. Don’t you know he’s only pretending?”

I pressed my lips hard together. Joseph was just lashing out because I rejected him. I knew that. And yet…

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Poor, naïve Cynthia. You can’t actually think Asher enjoys his time with you. Look at all the trouble you drop on his lap. And for what? I bet you don’t even put out.”

I curled into myself, wrapping my arms around my stomach.

He stepped closer, pressed further. “You think he likes you? Asher hates you. Do you know what his life was like before?”

“Stop,” I whispered, but he just kept going.

“Women, parties, glory. What is it now? Chasing after you to clean up your messes.”

“Stop,” I said again, louder.

This time, he seemed to hear me. “I’m not telling you this to hurt you, Cynthia. I’m doing it to be kind. You need to forget about Asher. For both of your sakes.”

Joseph reached for me. I was so numb I didn’t even flinch away.

He clutched my hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed along my knuckles.

His lips were dry and scratchy.

“I’ll give you more time,” he said. “Think about it more carefully. Don’t be so quick to cast me aside this time. Especially not for him.”

He walked out my door, leaving me hollow and alone.

I didn’t want to believe Joseph’s words. But I couldn’t deny some truth within them. Fact was, I had brought trouble into Asher’s life.

I couldn’t blame him for resenting me.

But… hate?

Asher had already asked me to join him for dinner again. We had it planned for tonight.

Maybe I should have canceled but I was selfish. I wanted to see him.

At six, dressed in leggings and a button-down blouse, I showed up at Asher’s door.

“There you are,” Asher said. He left the door open for me as he returned to the kitchenette.

I followed into the room and closed the door behind me.

“I hope you like mushrooms.” He was sautéing again.

“I do.” My heart clenched. This felt so domestic. I wished I could enjoy it, but all I felt was guilt.

We only had dinner together so he could keep track of my eating habits.

Did he resent having to spend his evenings with me? When he could be out with his friends or other women?

Women without the baggage of someone else’s child growing within them.

He brought dinner to the table and we ate in silence for a while. I didn’t know what to say. He seemed lost in his own thoughts.

After the final bite he finally spoke. “I have to tell you something. It might come as a shock.”

Fear struck through me. He wouldn’t just come out and tell me he hated me, would he?

“Wait until I finish eating,” I said. I wanted this moment of delusional peace to last as long as I could have it. “Please.”

He nodded and waited patiently, watching as I slowly dissected my meal again and again to eat at the slowest possible pace.

I steeled myself, hardening my heart, for the rejection I knew would come. Then, gently, I lowered my fork to my plate.

“Ready?” he asked.

No. “Yes.”

He leaned forward. “I was investigating into the stolen plays, and I finally made a breakthrough.”

This… was not what I thought we would talk about tonight. Relief surged through me.

“It was all Joseph’s idea.”

The relief vanished so fast, I felt whiplash. “What?”

“Joseph was the mastermind behind everything.”

I tried to think clearly. “Why would he do that?”

“Why wouldn’t he?” Asher said, frowning. “He’s a vicious little snake.”

He placed his hand on the table, in the open space between us. I stared at it, not trusting myself to look in Asher’s eyes.

I didn’t know who to believe. Joseph, who had lied to me before. Or Asher, who had every reason to hate me now.

“You should stay away from him, Cynthia. This is just another example of –”

“Asher,” I said, and he stopped at once. I swallowed thickly.

His hand moved closer to me.

I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t see. I couldn’t trust my eyes, or my heart. And my brain was so confused.

Slowly, I disassociated myself from my body. It was the only way I could say what I needed.

“Maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore.”