Chapter 230

“Do you regret writing it?” Asher asked me, after a moment.

“No,” I said, “Because it’s the truth. Though I can’t help but worry now that I botched the whole thing. Maybe I should have just lied to them. What if this one answer costs me more than I’m willing to lose?”

“There’s no shame in staying true to your heart, Cynthia. And the Academy should recognize that.”

I wanted to believe his words, but I couldn’t quite get myself to. My nerves felt frazzled, like I was a bit of yarn cut off before the knot and now I was unravelling. Also, I think I ate too much.

I groaned in discomfort, my hands reaching for my stomach.

“Cynthia?” Asher was on alert at once. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“It hurts,” I said.

He moved me towards the table and helped me sit down. “Where does it hurt?”

I showed him, rubbing around the circle of my growing belly.

He paled. “I’ll get your coat.”

“My coat?”

“We’re going to the hospital.”

“The hospital?” Surely we didn’t need to go that far, but then I groaned again. The pains in my stomach were sharp spikes, striking deep. Maybe I did need to go. What if something was wrong with the baby. Panic gripped me at the thought. “Asher?”

“I’m here. I have your coat.” He helped me push my arms through the sleeves, then he lifted me up onto my feet. I was woozy and unbalanced, so he pulled me up against him so that he was carrying me.

I buried my face into his shoulder, embarrassed. “I can walk…” I said weakly.

“No time,” he assured. He pulled open the door and then rushed into the hallway. He didn’t stop rushing until we reached where he had parked his car. He lowered me into the passenger seat and made certain I was secure. Then, behind the wheel, he sped down the street like a bat out of hell to get me to the emergency room.

Once there, he claimed a wheelchair for me and brought it to the car. He helped me shift into it, then wheeled me into the hospital.

“Please!” he shouted at the nurses. “She’s pregnant and having stomach pains!”

The nurses sprang into action at once.

“Asher?”

“I’m here.”

His hand stayed on my shoulder until I was taken into a room. Then he moved to hold my hand with his own. He didn’t let go, even when the nurses and doctors surrounded me and I couldn’t see him. His presence gave me courage. He was the only reason I didn’t fully lose myself to panic.

Finally, after what felt like hours of probing and examining and waiting for results, most of the nurses and doctors left the room, leaving only Nancy with Asher and me. She looked between us both, then sighed.

“It’s only indigestion. Your exams showed quite the array of various foods in your stomach. That, which couple with the wearing off of adrenaline from your transfer exam likely gave you a stomachache.”

I covered my face with both hands, even though that meant letting go of one of Asher’s. “I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, none of that. You both did the right thing by coming here. It was just indigestion this time, but it could have been something more serious. You would have taken a gamble in staying home, and we don’t like to take such risks around here. Not with your life, or with your baby’s life.”

I sniffed, overwhelmed. “Asher is the one who deserves the credit. He immediately took action.”

I peeked up at him through my fingers, and saw the bit of pride in his eyes. It had smoothed away most of the worry that had previously been there.

Nancy nodded at him. “Keep up the good work.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

Sometime later, Nancy asked Asher to step out into the hallway so that she and I could talk alone. Asher looked to me for confirmation. When I nodded, he moved toward the door.

“If you need me, I will be just outside.”

Then he stepped outside.

“Thank you, Asher,” Nancy said.

When the door closed, she turned to me. “I heard about what happened with your parents.”

My heart sank a little, but not so far as to be dangerous. My break with Mom and Dad had been a long time coming, even if I didn’t want to admit it. Even if it hurt.

Nancy came closer to me. “They’ve always been assholes. I’m glad you are away from them now.”

I gave her a sad sort of smile. “Me, too.”

Then she leaned in and gave me a hug. “I’ll always be here for you. Your friends will too. And Asher.”

I squeezed her. “My family aren’t all related to me by blood.”

When she pulled away, she had tears in her eyes. She wiped at her eyes. “Ignore this foolishness. I’m just so happy to see you finally properly cared for. This one…” She glanced at the door. “He’s a good one. You should hold onto him.”

“I want to,” I said. “My love for him and my baby has helped me through many hard times.”

“So you do love them, then,” Asher said. “Just like he loves you.”

I gently shook my head. “I don’t know how he feels for me.”

“Cynthia.”

“Everyone thinks how he feels is so obvious, but I’m not so sure. I know he loves me, but I don’t know if… if…” The words were getting harder to say out loud. I used to be able to brush them off and pretend it didn’t hurt. But it hurt now. “He might not feel romantic love.”

Cynthia gave me a soft, pitying look. “Cynthia, if you aren’t sure, don’t you think you just ask him?”

“No.” I shook my head again, harder this time. “If it turns out he doesn’t feel the same…” I didn’t know how I could go on. Like this, I could pretend that the touches meant something. That his promises could mean forever.

I sniffed hard, pulling myself together. Still, my voice wobbled. “I’ll accept any love Asher I swilling to give. No matter how much or how little.”

Nancy leaned forward and clasped one of my hands with hers. “Cynthia, everyone can see that Asher is dedicated to you.”

I began to argue, so she lifted her other hand, signaling me to stop.

“But, for the sake of argument. Even if he doesn’t feel the same way, he would find a way to let you down gently. Wouldn’t it be better to know?”

I wanted to say yes, but the pain of his possible rejection was too strong. It felt crippling.

“I couldn’t bear it if he wasn’t in love with me too,” I whispered.

“But, Cynthia, what if he is. What if you tell him how you feel, and he tells you he feels the same. Could you imagine how much love you both would hold in your hearts? How happy you would be?”

I could imagine it. Asher telling me he loves me with a tender smile. He’d only say it if he meant it for real, for forever.

If he meant it, he’d never let me go again.

Asher knocked on the door, and peeked his head through. When he saw me crying, he invited himself back inside and rushed to my side.

He looked at me just how I imagined he would if he loved me.

“What’s wrong, Cyn?”

“Nothing,” I told him, because in that one moment, it was true. “Nothing’s the matter at all.”