Chapter 225

I never should have apologized. I knew as soon as I said it, that he misinterpreted it as a rejection.

“Asher,” I began, ready to explain myself better, but he simply kissed me again.

“It’s okay,” he said, though it made my heart break.

“But I do… I have… I just…” My thoughts were a scattered mess. For his sake, I tried to reel it all in. “I need time. I’m confused about… how I feel.”

My words made him soften a bit, and I huffed in relief.

“I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” I said.

Another kiss.

“You aren’t a mess. You are a girl who has been consistently hurt and is trying to wade through a bunch of complicated situations. Not to mention you are doing all this while also carrying and protecting your child.”

He made me sound like I was the bravest woman in the world. I didn’t feel like it.

“You need time to get your feelings in order, that’s fine,” he said. “I’d wait forever for you.”

My heart jumped, and the heartrate monitor gave me away.

Asher smiled against my mouth.

The mating bond between Asher and I thrummed with joy and pleasure.

As ever, in his embrace I was happy and comfortable. My strength grew, borrowing from his overflowing source. When he kissed me, I felt like he was returning pieces of me to myself.

Even within me, Lilith was healing. I could feel her again, pressing against the edge of my mind, a calm and comforting presence.

“Our mate protects us,” Lilith whispered in my mind. “The bond makes us strong.”

When Nancy came to check on me later, she didn’t even blink at Asher in bed with me. She worked around him, inspecting me and the baby, and checking our vitals.

I mentioned to her how I felt so much better than before. She didn’t seem surprised by that either.

“You two are mates,” Nancy said, matter-of-factly. “The bond is helping to repair your body. Your baby seems healthier, and I bet your wolf is getting better too.”

“She is.”

“Then, see? What you should do is spend more time just like this. Cuddling. Physical closeness.” To Asher she said, “Whatever you can do to make Cynthia calm and happy, got it?”

He nodded seriously, critically listening to her words.

“I’ll give Cynthia whatever she needs,” he said.

The specific word choice made my face heat up and the heart monitor beep in alarm.

Nancy smiled but didn’t comment. When she left, I buried my face in Asher’s chest to hide my embarrassment.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Cyn,” Asher told me.

I shook my head. He didn’t understand. “It sound like you wanted to… Like you…” I was too embarrassed to say it out loud!

Giving me whatever I needed? It sounded like he wanted to have sex with me!

He laughed lightly and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. “I want to do whatever you want. No more and no less.”

His words were meant to comfort, but they didn’t exactly – because what I wanted was to have sex with him too.

I shook my head. It was too soon for that, though. We’d been intimate, sure, but having him inside of me was a whole other level.

We were mates, but I didn’t want to have penetrative sex with someone who didn’t love me. I wanted to do things right this time, after messing up so badly with Joseph.

Asher held me closely. I knew he wouldn’t rush, not if I didn’t give him the green light.

Which was getting more and more difficult to stop from doing.

Right now, however, what I really wanted to do was go home.

They kept me in the hospital for three more days before they deemed me safe to be released. I had never been so relieved to return to the dorm room I shared with Asher and rest upon a familiar mattress.

I was feeling stronger than I had in a good long time, thanks to Asher’s closeness. A good thing, too, because the transfer exam was now only a few days away.

In between doctor prescribed cuddles with Asher – and sometimes during them – I cram-studied as much as I could. Asher helped where he could, dictating practice tests and then going over the results.

He could tell as well as I that I was distracted. I knew the importance of studying in these final few days, yet I couldn’t get my brain or my heart to cooperate.

My thoughts consistently returned to my parents. I knew they weren’t worthy of consideration, really, but after trying to appease them for 18 years of my life, it was difficult to fully turn my back on them now.

“Cynthia,” Asher said, pausing in the middle of a test question that I had not been paying attention to. “Tell me what’s bothering you.”

“My parents were terrible at the hospital, but… is it wrong for me to want to see them again?”

Asher frowned slightly, though his eyes stayed soft and kind. “They don’t deserve you.”

“I know.” That didn’t make it easier.

He placed the text books to the side and pulled me into his arms. “What you are feeling is not wrong. Your parents are important to you, even if they haven’t earned that. It can be hard to move on from what they’ve done.”

I melted into his embrace. “Maybe if I had closure.”

“If that’s what you want, then we should get you closure.”

Blinking, I lifted up away from him to look into his eyes. “Really?”

“They left abruptly last time. You didn’t have time to process what was happening.” He shook his head then, slightly. “But keep in mind, seeing them again will not end amicably. They’ve already proven that.”

He was right, of course, but even so, I still wanted to see them. “I have things I need to say to them that I didn’t get to before.” I traced my finger over the lined pattern of his shirt. “Would you come with me to meet them again? If you were there, I would have the courage to say what I want to.”

“Of course, I will. I’d go anywhere with you. I’ll always protect you, Cyn.”

Warm all over, I plopped back down into the cradle of his arms. He held me tight and for a while, I simply listened to the beat of his heart and felt the gentle rise and fall of his chest as he breathed.

Sometime later, I had the will to retrieve my phone from my purse and open a text to my mom.

I want to meet you and Dad somewhere tomorrow, to talk about everything, I typed.

I put the phone down, not expected a reply right away, if at all. But to my surprise, my phone chimed almost instantly. I picked it up and opened my mom’s reply.

Come to the house at noon.

No way was I going back into their house. They were just as likely to tie me up and force an abortion themselves as they were to actually talk to me.

No, if and when we met, it had to be somewhere neutral. Somewhere with lots of other people around.

I suggested a restaurant instead, one that was fairly local to them and they would know.

A moment later, Mom agreed, Fine.