Chapter 201

Abruptly, Asher stood. “I forfeit.”

“You can’t do that,” Nicole said. She looked at Aimee. “Can he do that?”

Aimee shrugged.

“W-wait.” I hurried to stand, following him. “But you didn’t answer.”

“I lost,” he said. “So the game’s over, and I don’t have to.”

I didn’t understand why he was being so evasive. I really, really wanted to know his answer – even if it hurt me.

“We should get back to campus,” Asher said. “It’s getting late.”

“I still think you should answer…”

He looked at me, but he didn’t say anything.

His refusal was as good as an admittance, though. Sine he hadn’t answered, he probably did love someone. He just didn’t want me to know who.

Was he trying to protect me again?

My heart sunk. He wouldn’t have to protect me if I was the person he had feelings for. He must have known how I felt about him, and was trying to let me down gently.

“He doesn’t have to answer,” Aimee said.

Nicole agreed. “Yeah, the answer is already pretty obvious.”

“What do you mean?” I asked them.

“I’ll wait at the car,” Asher said, and excused himself. He walked around to the front of the house.

The minute he was out of earshot, Aimee and Nicole turned on me.

“It’s you, Cynthia,” Aimee said. Beside her, Nicole nodded excessively.

I laughed at their certainty, even though it hurt. “Be serious, guys.”

“Who’s not serious?” Nicole said. “You are mates. You’re always in each other’s shadow. You are practically living together…”

A fierce blush burned my cheeks. “None of that means anything.”

“How are you so sure about that?” Aimee asked.

I wasn’t. Not really. But if I accepted that he loved me, it would make way for hope.

I was so near loving Asher with the entirety of my heart. If I gave him all of me, and he didn’t want it, I wouldn’t recover.

I had to assume the worst, if only to protect myself from that deep hurt.

“I can’t be wrong about this,” I said, a bit of sadness creeping out into my voice.

Aimee and Nicole’s good humor dimmed.

“But if you would just –” Nicole started.

Aimee touched her arm, stopping her. “She’s not ready yet. She’ll get there on her own eventually.”

Nicole sighed.

To me, Aimee said, “Go easy on Asher, Cynthia. He might be just as confused as you are.”

After saying goodnight to Aimee and Nicole, I returned to the front of the house and found Asher waiting for me by the car.

He was leaning against the passenger door with his arms crossed over his chest. His head was draped back, as he looked up at the stars.

The stars weren’t as visible on campus as they were here in the suburbs. For a moment, when I came to his side, I lifted my gaze and watched the stars with him.

In that moment, everything was peaceful. All of my troubles felt so distant, and I felt small in the grand scope of the universe.

I was lucky to have such good friends, and Asher, in whatever capacity I could have him.

If I could have lived in a moment, I would have wanted to stay right here, right now. But these quiet moments were never meant to last.

“You ready to go home?” Asher asked.

Home. Maybe he meant campus. But for me, home had so quickly become Asher’s dorm room.

You are practically living together, Nicole had said.

The thought made my heart pick up speed. Hope blossomed anew in my chest.

Maybe, if Asher did love someone, it could be me.

After all, his desire to protect me seemed to surpass his vow to my brother. We slept comfortably together in the same bed. We were bonded as mates. And we had fooled around.

If Asher was in love with someone else, I felt bad for that person. As it was, Asher spent all his free time with me.

“Let’s go home,” I said.

Asher opened the door for me, then closed it behind me. He rounded the car and entered the driver’s side.

We drove home in silence, with the radio on low. I counted the passing street lights, trying to distract myself from my lingering worries.

I didn’t like these games. I knew I should just let it go, but I wanted a straight answer from Asher. I didn’t want to have to worry anymore.

If he loved me, if he loved someone else – weren’t we good enough friends to be able to talk about it with each other?

It seemed like we should be. Yet I still kept my mouth shut.

“You’re being quiet,” Asher said when we were nearly back to campus.

“Just thinking.”

“Anything I can help with?”

“No,” I said too quickly.

He glanced at me sideways, but he didn’t press.

I felt unbearably foolish. We were well beyond the stage where Asher would have judged me for my feelings. If I gave him my heart now and he didn’t want it, he would return it to me in the gentlest way possible.

Even so, fear gripped my heart too tightly for me to attempt it.

I cursed my cowardice. When had I become so afraid of everything? So many things I could face with fearlessness. Yet when it came to matters of my own heart, I was a timid little mouse.

“You are making a lot of faces,” Asher said, deadpan. I couldn’t tell if he was teasing me or was worried.

I tried to school my expression, but I wasn’t very good at it.

I didn’t say anything else the rest of the trip, and neither did Asher. When we entered his dorm room, however, he seemed unable to take it anymore.

“Just ask what you want to ask, Cynthia.”

I worried my bottom lip with my teeth. “Will you give me a straight answer, if I do?”

Asher watched me for a moment, then nodded. “If it’s just the two of us.”

Was that the problem, then? He didn’t want to admit anything in front of Aimee and Nicole? They were my friends more than his. Asher had always been a private person.

Maybe… if I asked him now…

He came to stand before me. He was only a foot away.

“Ask me,” he said, a gentle command.

A pleasant shiver ran along my spine. It gave me the final push of courage I needed.

“Are you in love with someone?”

For several long second, nothing happened. In those seconds, I regretted opening my mouth. Did I just ruin everything? But he’d said he would answer my question.

Then, Asher reached out. With a feather-light touch, he traced his fingertips down my arm from elbow to wrist. Once there, he lifted my hand and placed it, palm flat, on his chest, right over his heart.

I tilted my head. Was this some kind of signal? What did it mean?

“Listen,” he said.

He looked into my eyes, a tender softness in his. Warmth spread within me, watching him lower his façade enough to show such affection clear on his face.

Under my hand, I felt the beat of his heart begin to quicken, the longer he looked at me.

My heart beat in tandem, speeding right along with his.

Heat rose in my face, all the way up to my ears.

In the quiet room, he spoke, his voice barely a whisper. “Does this answer your question?”