Chapter 20

If you keep this up, you’ll fail the midterm evaluation, Coach had said.

My bottom lip quivered so I held it between my teeth.

I didn’t bother trying to defend myself. I knew he was right. I was going to fail my midterm exam. No excuse would change that.

I was dragging my feet on the team, bringing everyone else down. That’d be right to get rid of me. I hadn’t meant to hold anyone else back.

When I chose to become a mom, I should have let go of my obsession with staying at the academy.

Trying to do both wasn’t just impossible, it was wrong. I should have known better.

Tears welled in my eyes.

“Hey,” Coach said, startled. He moved a hand to my shoulder. “Don’t cry.”

I shook my head. I couldn’t stop it.

“Listen, I know there has to be some reason that you are backsliding like this,” Coach said. “I saw how hard you worked before. You have the talent and the gumption. I wouldn’t push you now if I didn’t think you could bounce back.”

“I c-can’t,” I said, voice wet and cracking. “I can’t keep up anymore.”

“Why, Cynthia? What’s changed?” He gave my shoulder a gentle shake. “You can tell me.”

I peeked at his face, at his warm honey eyes and his soft, welcoming features. He was a stern coach but a kind-hearted person. He always checked in on us when we were having bad days.

He kind of reminded me of Dylan.

Maybe he wasn’t like that faculty advisor. Maybe Coach would actually care about me.

I couldn’t hold it in anymore. The dam of my emotions was breaking. And if I was going to quit anyway, what difference did it make if he knew the truth?

“I’m pregnant,” I said before I could second-guess myself.

He straightened, eyes widening.

With that first pin-prick of truth pushed into the open, the rest followed in a flood.

“My wolf appeared and said she would protect the baby, so I thought I could stay in school, at least until the midterm evaluation. If I could be a full student, then I could take some time off and come back, but now…”

I covered my face with my hands, so ashamed of everything I did, and everything I couldn’t do.

“I’m going to fail out. I should have just quit. Everything’s falling apart.”

“Hey, hey, no.” He shushed me gently, pressing more comforting weight onto my shoulder.

I leaned into his warmth, so grateful he hadn’t shoved me away.

“I understand,” he said softly. When I shook my head in disbelief, he insisted, “I do.”

He took a breath. “My sister is a young mom. When she told us… I regret not supporting her desire to stay in school.”

I looked at him but his image was hazy through my tears.

“I thought she’d be too busy with the baby,” he said. “I’d heard parenting can consume a person. I wanted her to make the right choice.”

Sniffling, I wiped at my tears with the base of my palm. “What happened to her?”

“She… grew idle. Too much time to herself, maybe? Not enough to look forward to? I don’t know.” His face fell. “She started using drugs.”

His hand slipped away from my shoulder. “If I’d only been there for her… If I really listened when she talked about what she wanted, instead of pushing all those expectations onto her…”

“I’m so sorry,” I said, wanting to offer him the same comfort he’d given me, but he waved me away.

He straightened his posture, composing himself.

“I’ll help you, Cynthia,” he said. “We’ll do some extra movements, and make adjustments to the routine. We can add positions that won’t compress on your uterus.”

I sniffed again. My tears slowed. “You mean it?”

He nodded. “We’ll find a way to keep you here. And we’ll do it without endangering you or your baby.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

He’d restored my hope so quickly and efficiently, I struggled with even how to thank him. It felt unreal, somehow. Too easy. I half expected him to take it all back any second, and tell me he was just kidding.

But I knew he wouldn’t. Coach wasn’t like that.

“I failed my sister, but I won’t fail you.”

He said it like a promise, and I believed him.

I walked out of the gymnasium with a new bounce in my step. Having someone so reliable in on my secret lifted some of the great weight of it off my shoulders. With Coach’s help, I knew my dreams could be attainable after all.

I couldn’t be more grateful to him.

But when I had tried to tell him so, he wouldn’t hear of it. He’d hurried me along before I could thank him more than once.

Now, outside, the bright sunshine seemed to agree with my happy mood. Even the birdsong sounded lovelier.

Suddenly, my phone rang, and I dug through my purse to find it. When I found it, I saw the call was from Asher.

My mood was so good, seeing his name only soured me a little. I accepted the call and brought my phone to my ear. “Hello?”

“I spoke with my personal physician,” he said, by way of a greeting. Just once, I’d like to hear him say hello. “He explained a few things to me. About you.”

“Me?”

“Women have many specific reactions to being pregnant. One of them is a loss of appetite.”

My mind reeled. Was this… an apology?

Shocked, I couldn’t speak.

The silence stretched between us for a long, awkward moment.

Then, surprising me further, Asher continued. “I… shouldn’t have said… some of the things I said… to you.”

This was an apology! Poor Asher, this seemed as difficult for him as getting his teeth pulled. But he was making an effort, and that alone was enough to send butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

It made me realize I too had a few things to say about the night of the party that I should have said sooner.

“Thank you, Asher. For this, and for when you helped me that night with the beer. I said I would think of something, but in the moment, my mind had gone totally blank. I would have been in real trouble if you hadn’t shown up.”

“I know,” he said. Arrogant bastard.

Yet his overconfidence was easy to overlook when I felt this light-hearted. Honestly, this time, I didn’t mind it all that much. In a lot of ways, his confidence was warranted.

My warmth toward him made me regret more of my meaner thoughts from that night.

“And thank you, too, for making sure I got home okay after the party.” I laughed.

He didn’t reciprocate. Instead, his voice tightened. “How did you know about that?”

“I saw you,” I said, startled by his reaction.

“How?” he pressed. “I didn’t have my headlights on. My car practically disappears in the dark.”

At once, I realized my mistake. I had only noticed his car because Lilith pointed it out to me.

Lilith. My wolf. The thing Asher didn’t know about.

“Uh,” I mumbled.

“Don’t tell him,” Lilith whispered in my mind. “It’s our secret.”

I snapped my mouth closed.

“Cynthia,” Asher said in his no-nonsense tone. I recognized it well.

He wanted an explanation, and he wasn’t going to let up until he got one.